Moonlight Matinee – The Jerky Tapes
00:00 Jack Tors: “Hello?”
00:01 Speaker 2: “Yeah, I’m calling from Mr. Getzof’s office. This is Janet [beep].”
00:04 Jack Tors: “Who is this?”
00:05 Speaker 2: “I just called about two minutes ago, and he told me to call back.”
00:08 Jack Tors: “Who is this?”
00:10 Speaker 2: “Are you going to play with me?”
00:12 Jack Tors: “Who is this?”
00:13 Speaker 2: “Janet [beep].”
00:14 Jack Tors: “Okay, listen. Mr. Getzof just went to the store. Okay. You don’t have to be nasty.”
00:19 Speaker 2: “No, no, look, I’m not being nasty with you. Okay. I had a 10-minute conversation with this man who’s playing with me, and I don’t think it’s funny, okay.”
00:27 Jack Tors: “Who is this? Ma’am, you didn’t call here. I’ve been here.”
00:30 Speaker 2: “Oh, I’m so… this is… is this [beep]?”
00:33 Jack Tors: “Yes, it is.”
00:35 Speaker 2: “Well, I did just call there. And I spoke to some man at Kibble, and he give me a hard time. Okay?”
00:39 Jack Tors: “Mr. Kissel? Yes, he actually is the super of the building. He takes care of this building.”
00:46 Speaker 2: “Okay. I’m calling from Moonlight Matinee Production. I told him I just wanted to get the address over there so I can send over a compilation tape. It’s not a difficult thing. I don’t mean to get attitude with you. Okay.”
00:57 Jack Tors: “Listen.”
00:57 Speaker 2: “But I don’t know what this man told me. Okay?”
01:00 Jack Tors: “I just sent the little fucker out to the store for me. Okay? We had a fight last night too. Things don’t go easy anybody.”
01:05 Speaker 2: “Alright. I was [beep].”
01:07 Jack Tors: “Okay.”
01:08 Speaker 2: “[beep] talk to me. Okay.”
01:08 Jack Tors: “I just slapped him right in the face.”
01:09 Speaker 2: “Now you got another person on the phone –”
01:11 Jack Tors: “Who’s this?”
01:12 Speaker 2: “– playing with me, too.”
01:13 Jack Tors: “Who’s this?”
01:14 Speaker 2: “My name is Janet [beep]. I told you that, and I told your friend that. And I told Mr. Kissel that, and now I told another person that, too.”
01:21 Jack Tors: “Mr. Kissel is not –”
01:22 Speaker 2: “Put another person on the phone and I’ll tell that, too. I tell you ten times throughout the day. Okay?”
01:26 Jack Tors: “Mr. Kissel is not my friend. He’s the super.”
01:28 Speaker 2: “I don’t — look. Mr. Getzof is the super of the building?”
01:31 Jack Tors: “Mr. Getzof is not the super, no.”
01:34 Speaker 2: “Look.”
01:36 Jack Tors: “Mr. Kissel is the super. I mean, if you keep raising, I’ll slap your face with this.”
01:39 Speaker 2: “No, no. No, you won’t. No, you will not slap my face because I’m gonna come over there and slap your face, too.”
01:44 Jack Tors: “That’s not nice the way you’re speaking to me.”
01:47 Speaker 2: “I get the run-around from all you people. And you know what? I’m not gonna sing with you. Once Mr. Getzof, if you keep on doing that shit.”
01:55 Jack Tors: “Listen, I’m his roommate. That’s all I know.”
01:58 Speaker 2: “Okay. Could I get your address, please, so I could just send out this tape already?”
02:00 Jack Tors: “It’s [beep]. You knew that, he told you that. Stop making a –”
02:04 Speaker 2: “No, no, no. He did not tell me that. Because if he had told me that, I would not be calling you back right now.”
02:09 Jack Tors: “Well, he said he –“
02:10 Speaker 2: “Do you think I don’t have better things to do with my time than call you people back five times a day?”
02:14 Jack Tors: “Well, he told me that he gave it to you [beep].”
02:16 Speaker 2: “I don’t care what he told you.”
02:17 Jack Tors: “He said you lose it all the time. You’re losing it.”
02:20 Speaker 2: “No. Listen, baby; I don’t lose it, okay. I have a business. Okay. And I don’t have time for you people, with your attitude. Now give me the zipcode there, please, and the apartment number.”
02:31 Jack Tors: “The zipcode. I don’t… oh my god, I don’t know it. Hold on. Let me see.”
02:34 Speaker 2: “Listen, baby. I don’t mean to get on with you, but I don’t like…”
02:37 Jack Tors: “Okay, the zip code is 11234.”
02:43 Speaker 2: “Is there an apartment number there?”
02:44 Jack Tors: “The apartment is 3A.”
02:46 Speaker 2: “3A, alright. Well, I’m gonna send this tape out.”
02:49 Jack Tors: “Yeah. Well, he’s crazy. You know, I just sent him out. He’s a fucking douche bag. I slapped him silly last night, but he said he gave it to you so many times and that you just lose it. Everything. You lost.”
03:00 Speaker 2: “Who said what?”
03:01 Jack Tors: “Mr. Getzof said that he gave you the address a billion times, and you keep losing shit.”
03:04 Speaker 2: “Listen, baby. If the man had given me the address, I would’ve sent the tape to him, and you would have gotten the tape about a week ago. Okay.”
03:12 Jack Tors: “Yeah. Well…”
03:13 Speaker 2: “Yeah. Uh-huh, yeah. Okay.”
03:16 Jack Tors: “Okay, you’re being very, very verbacious with me.”
03:19 Speaker 2: “I’m being what?”
03:20 Jack Tors: “I didn’t… you know, I’m not asking for this viciousness, you know.”
03:24 Speaker 2: “I’m not asking for ten different people to pick up the phone. Okay? I call his office; I get this man, and this man tell me to call that man. Then that man tells me to call that man. Okay? I’ve had it with you people.”
03:35 Jack Tors: “But, the vibe I’m getting is very deceitful.”
03:36 Speaker 2: “The vibe is bullshit. Okay? Just tell the man, he’s gonna get the tape. And you know what? The man’s lucky if I’m gonna sing for him at this point.”
03:44 Jack Tors: “Well, Mr. Kissel can book you on the Howard Stern Show.”
03:49 Speaker 2: “You know what, fuck that man.”
03:50 Jack Tors: “You don’t like Mr. Kissel?”
03:51 Speaker 2: “No, I don’t like all of it. And you know what? I don’t like you.”
03:55 Jack Tors: “Well, what the hell did I do to you?”
03:56 Speaker 2: “You given me attitude like that other man!”
04:00 Jack Tors: “Mr. Kissel can book you on the Howard Stern Show. I mean, that’s publicity. Is that what you’re… I mean…”
04:05 Speaker 2: “Listen to me, people. Okay. I do not like this Howard Stern, okay. Or that Robin bitch that he works with. Okay. [beep] okay?”
04:15 Jack Tors: “Wow. That’s… I mean, I don’t understand you. I mean…”
04:18 Speaker 2: “You don’t need to understand me. You know what? You don’t understand. You do not understand. And you don’t need to understand. The only thing you have to understand is that you gave me the address. I have the address written down now. I don’t care what Mr. Getzof told you. He did not give me the address. You people are playing with me. And it ain’t funny.”
04:35 Jack Tors: “Well, Howard could lighten the mood for you. He could make you dance and things like that. He could make it –”
04:38 Speaker 2: “Look baby, when I’m on stage, and I dance, it’s good. Okay. I don’t need a white man with the hair and the fucking bullshit to make me dance, okay. I don’t have time for bullshit. You trying to tell me how to do my job now?”
04:50 Jack Tors: “Okay, but if you pull this attitude with Howard, he’ll…”
04:52 Speaker 2: “No, no, no. I’m not pulling any attitude with Howard. I don’t care about Howard. I don’t wanna meet the man.”
04:57 Jack Tors: “He will slap you all over the place.”
04:58 Speaker 2: “No, no, babe. No. Nobody is slapping me. Okay. I’ll come over there and smack your arse first.”
05:03 Jack Tors: “Well, he’ll slap you all over…”
05:04 Speaker 2: “Nobody will slap me.”
05:05 Jack Tors: “Howard? You don’t know him.”
05:06 Speaker 2: “I’ve got this address, okay. I don’t have time for this bullshit.”
05:08 Jack Tors: “Okay. I’m just saying. If we put you on…”
05:10 Speaker 2: “I don’t have time for the bullshit.”
05:12 Jack Tors: “If we put you on Stern, and you get like this…”
05:14 Speaker 2: “I don’t have time for the bullshit.”
05:17 Jack Tors: “Okay, then you don’t…”
05:18 Speaker 2: “I don’t care about that fucking Howard Stern.”
05:20 Jack Tors: “We could put you on his show.”
05:21 Speaker 2: “I don’t care, bitch. I don’t care.”
05:24 Jack Tors: “Well, he will slap you crazy if you come this way.”
05:26 Speaker 2: “You know what? I’m gonna hang up now too.”
05:27 Jack Tors: “He’ll put you…”
05:27 Speaker 2: “You tell Mr. Kissel to s*ck my b*lls. Okay?”
05:30 Jack Tors: “Mr. Kissel, what?”
05:32 Speaker 2: “He can s*ck my b*lls. Okay?”
05:35 Jack Tors: “See, that’s not nice.”
05:36 Speaker 2: “So, is nice. Okay? It’s very nice.”
05:38 Jack Tors: “Why are you so hostile?”
05:39 Speaker 2: “Okay, I’m gonna go now. I got the… You tell Mr. Getzof, wherever he is, I’m gonna send the tape to him, and I’m very much looking forward to talking to him. We’ll working out some kind of a, you know, business agreement.”
05:50 Jack Tors: “Mr. Getzof is a big fat ass. You put me in this predicament. I’m answering the phones for that fat bastard.”
05:55 Speaker 2: “Okay, babe. Imma go. I have the address. You just tell him I’m gonna send him the tape because I don’t have time for this. I gotta go.”
06:00 Jack Tors: “Okay, sweetheart.”
