Uncle Freddie

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Uncle Freddie

Characters: Frank Kissel



0:01 Phone rings..
0:03 Kissel: “Hello there.”

0:03 Voice 1: “Yeah, how you doin’?”

0:04 Kissel: “This is Kissel. What time are you people gonna come over and fix my sink?”

0:12 Voice 1: “I don’t know [Inaudible 00:13].”

0:14 Kissel: “I called you guys about four hours ago to come fix my sink. It’s all over. The water’s all over the place.”

0:23 Voice 1: “Naw, you didn’t call here.”

0:25 Kissel: “Of… of course I called you. This is Kissel.”

0:29 Voice 1: “Where you… where you located at?”

0:30 Kissel: “Uh, 24 Crescent Street.”

0:34 Voice 1: “Oh, you’re the one on Crescent Street?”

0:36 Kissel: “Yeah, that’s right. What’s taking you guys?”

0:40 Voice 1: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! I told you I’d be there…”

0:42 Kissel: “Oh Jesus Christ! Yeah!”

0:44 Voice 1: “Yeah, I told you I’d be there Wednesday.”

0:47 Kissel: “No, you said Monday.”

0:49 Voice 1: “I said Wednesday.”

0:51 Kissel: “Oh! Now you’re calling me a liar? Wait, hold on. My… maybe my son called?”

0:57 Voice 1: “Naw, I don’t know.”

0:57 Kissel: “Anyway, hold it for me. “Anthony!”

1:00 Anthony: “Yes, hello.”

1:01 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

1:02 Anthony: “Hi. This is uh… this is Frank’s son.”

1:05 Anthony: “What?”

1:05 Anthony: “Frank’s son.”

1:07 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

1:08 Anthony: “I… I called you last week. I was the guy.”

1:11 Voice 1: “Yeah, but I don’t think I have made any kind of an appointment alright, [Inaudible 01:13]. As a matter of fact, I think, if I recall correctly, I think I gave you prices and you said you’d come back to me.”

1:20 Anthony: “Yeah.”

1:21 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:21].”

1:21 Anthony: “Are you Freddie?”

1:22 Voice 1: “No, I’m not Freddie. [Inaudible 01:23]…”

1:24 Anthony: “Uncle Freddie.”

1:25 Voice 1: “What?”

1:25 Anthony: “Uncle Fred.”

1:27 Voice 1: “Uncle Fred?”

1:28 Anthony: “Yeah.”

1:28 Voice 1: “Who?”

1:29 Anthony: “You.”

1:30 Voice 1: “No.”

1:31 Anthony: “My Uncle Freddie’s not there.”

1:34 Voice 1: “Hey look, there’s no Uncle Fred here and I think… I think you’ve [Inaudible 01: 37] the wrong party.”

1:38 Anthony: “Oh no! Here, talk to my father.”

1:42 Voice 1: “Hello.”

1:42 Anthony: “Uncle Freddie didn’t die. He said Uncle Freddie died!”

1:46 Kissel: “Uncle Freddie died! Oh my goodness! Martha, Uncle Freddie died.”

1:53 Martha screaming and crying.

1:54 Kissel crying