Kissel sails – the woke version

Title: “Kissel Sets Sail with Consent”

[Scene: A bustling office setting. A phone rings.]

Caller: [Excitedly] Hello?

Receptionist: Good afternoon, thank you for calling. How can we assist you today?

Caller: Uh, yeah, I’m calling about the sailboat, you know?

Receptionist: Of course, sir. How can I help you with that?

Caller: Yeah, I got a problem with this sailboat. I bought it from you guys, and uh, I took it out on the water, and it’s got some issues.

Receptionist: I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can you please specify what problems you encountered?

Caller: Well, the main problem is, like, consent, you know? The boat didn’t ask for my consent to sail.

Receptionist: [Confused] I’m sorry, could you elaborate on that?

Caller: Yeah, like, I didn’t give it my explicit consent to take me out on the water. It just kinda did its own thing.

Receptionist: I see. Well, sir, boats are inanimate objects and cannot seek or provide consent.

Caller: [Insisting] Yeah, but in this woke world, everything should respect consent, even boats. It’s about respecting boundaries and autonomy, you know?

Receptionist: I understand your perspective, sir. Let me transfer you to our customer service department to address your concerns further.

[Caller is transferred to customer service.]

Customer Service Representative: Hello, thank you for calling customer service. How can I assist you today?

Caller: Yeah, I was just telling the other lady about my sailboat and how it sailed without my consent. It’s like, a total violation of my autonomy, you know?

Customer Service Representative: I understand, sir. However, as I mentioned earlier, boats are inanimate objects and cannot seek or provide consent.

Caller: [Frustrated] But shouldn’t we be holding everything accountable to the same standards? Like, respecting consent is important in every aspect of life, even with boats.

Customer Service Representative: While we appreciate your concern for consent, sir, perhaps we can focus on addressing any technical issues with your sailboat instead?

Caller: [Sighs] Fine, I guess. But let it be known, I’m sailing under protest until my boat learns the importance of consent!

Customer Service Representative: Understood, sir. We’ll do our best to assist you with your concerns.

[End of call.]