Kissel Crooner

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Kissel Crooner

Characters: Kissel



0:01 Phone rings…

0:03 Voice 1: “Hello?”

0:03 Kissel: “Hello.”

0:04 Voice 1: “Yeah. Who is this?”

0:05 Kissel: “This is Kissel. I want to learn how to sing.”

0:10 Voice 1: “I don’t understand you.”

0:12 Kissel: “You put an ad out for singers, right?”

0:14 Voice 1: “Yes. Yes.”

0:15 Kissel: “I’m a singer.”

0:16 Voice 1: “Aha. OK.”

0:19 Kissel: “I love to sing. When I was a kid I used to sing every time I came out from bathin’.”

0:27 Voice 1: “From what?”

0:28 Kissel: “What?” Man screaming.

0:32 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

0:33 Kissel: “I just lost it. I don’t have it no more.”

0:37 Voice 1: “So you want to be in the glee club?”

0:38 Kissel: “Right. Because I’m filled with glee.”

0:44 Voice 1: “Ah. Hmmm.”

0:46 Kissel: “Hello?”

0:47 Voice 1: “Yeah. I’m tryin’ to understand you.”

0:50 Kissel: “Well, am I speakin’ a different language? The last time I checked I was born in the United States.”

0:56 Voice 1: “Well, this is glee club for people who know how to sing and can read music. Can you do both?”

1:01 Kissel: “I play the piano.”

1:03 Voice 1: “Can you side read, read?”

1:05 Kissel: “Yeah.”

1:06 Voice 1: “Can you side read a piece of music singing it?”

1:08 Kissel:”Right.”

1:10 Voice 1: “Huh?”

1:11 [Singing] Kissel: “Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Haaappy anniversary.”

1:19 Voice 1: “Yeah. Hmm.”

1:21 [Singing] Kissel: “Don’t you be my melancholy, baby.” So I was pretty good.”

1:30 Voice 1: “Uh-hmm.”

1:31 Kissel: “This was back in the old days because I’m kind of old. I got to rub my feet and hands in Epsom salts. Hello? Hello?”