Body Building

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Body Building

Characters: Frank Rizzo



0:01 Phone rings…

0:04 Gordon: “Hello?”

0:05 Voice 1: “Yes. May I speak to Gordon, please?”

0:06 Gordon: “Gordon.”

0:07 Voice 1: “Gordon, how you doin’?”

0:08 Gordon: “All right.”

0:09 Voice 1: “What’s up there, handsome? Look. I’m look to build my body up. Can you help me?”

0:13 Gordon: “Yeah, I can.”

0:15 Voice 1: “I got a little bit of flab I’m tryin’ to get rid of.”

0:17 Gordon: “Uh-huh.”

0:18 Voice 1: “You know what I’m sayin’?”

0:19 Gordon: “Yeah.”

0:19 Voice 1: “Too much beer, Gordon.”

0:20 Man laughs.

0:21 Voice 1: “Now how can you help me?”

0:22 Gordon: “Well, your personal training, I think you saw my ad.”

0:27 Voice 1: “Right. Right. Now how can you help me build a chest?”

0:30 Gordon: “Well, let’s see. I do all my training at a gym on the east side, 94th between 1st and 2nd Avenue.”

0:37 Voice 1: “Right. Right. OK. Look. My chest looks like a fuckin’ wet blanket. You got to help me out here.”

0:44 Man laughs.

0:45 Voice 1: “You know what I’m sayin’? It’s saggin’ down there like an old fuckin’ broad.”

0:47 Man laughs. Gordon: “All right. Yeah. Well…”

0:52 Voice 1: “In the last gym I was in there, Gordon, I tried – you know they didn’t have the proper fuckin’ benchin’ materials and there was a bad incident there. The fuckin’ thing snapped on me and whacked me off the ass. I was pretty fuckin’ hurt.”

1:04 Gordon: “Oh, yeah?”

1:05 Voice 1: “Oh, yeah.”

1:06 Gordon: “How long ago is that?”

1:07 Voice 1: “That was about four years ago.”

1:08 Gordon: “Uh-huh.”

1:09 Voice 1: “Yeah. It took a good chunk of my fuckin’ assignment there, Gordon.”

1:11 Man laughs.

1:11 Voice 1: “No. I’m all right. I’m all right. I want to build up the legs, too.”

1:14 Gordon: “All right.”

1:15 Voice 1: “Yeah. The calves, I got a problem with the calves. They’re like fuckin’ string beans.”

1:18 Man laughs.

1:19 Voice 1: “So how can you help me out?”

1:20 Gordon: “Well, what can I do is a…”

1:25 Voice 1: “Well, how about comin’ over to my place, you know, you’ll fuckin’ lift a little weights there, you know, shoot me up the assignment. You know, you got – I need someone to push me.”

1:34 Gordon: “Yeah. I see. I see.”

1:35 Voice 1: “Well, whatever. You know, we’ll work something out.”

1:38 Gordon: “Yeah.”

1:39 Voice 1: “I’d like to get into tournaments and shit like that because I’m good. I’m a ham.”

1:43 Gordon: “All right.”

1:44 Voice 1: “All right. You tell me what to do.”

1:46 Gordon: “OK. You think you can make it over to [Inaudible 00:01:48] gym?”

1:49 Voice 1: “Yeah. Sure. Give me the address.”

1:51 Gordon: “OK. It’s – I think it’s three [beep] East 94th.”

1:56 Voice 1: “As long as I know the street. That’s it. So you got to help me out, man. You know what I mean?”

2:02 Gordon: “All right. So do you do any kind of lifting right now at all?”

2:06 Voice 1: “Oh, sure. I’ve been lifting like a lunatic. But like I said I got a chest like a shit house. It’s got to be built up.”

2:12 Gordon: “OK.”

2:13 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

2:14 Gordon: “Your chest and your legs you want to work on?”

2:15 Voice 1: “Yeah. My fuckin’ legs they’re awful. Well, that’s also due to a fuckin’ terrible motorcycle accident. I mean I got fuckin’ hardly any legs left on me. But that’s besides the point.”

2:27 Gordon: “What’s your schedule like? What? What?”

2:29 Voice 1: “Oh. It’s, you know, busy, busy. Cab driver, this, that. You know, at night I go out in these little fuckin’ runs, you know, personal shit.”

2:37 Gordon: “All right.”

2:38 Voice 1: “Yeah. Well, you know, whatever. We’ll fuckin’ work something out. I’ll meet you up at the Chelsea’s gym. And remember if you don’t show up, I’ll come and get you. Remember that? From Jackie Gleason.”

2:48 Gordon: “Ahh…”

2:49 Voice 1: “You don’t watch Jackie Gleason, huh?”

2:52 Gordon: “No, not really.”

2:53 Voice 1: “All right, Gordon. So now what? I’ll meet you up there at 94th Street.”

2:56 Gordon: “Do you think you’d be interested in that?”

2:57 Voice 1: “Sure, I would. Sure, I would. My grandfather used to punch out fuckin’ horses. I come from a tough background. You know, I eat fuckin’ raw meat. I shit vegetables.”

3:07 Man laughs. Gordon: “All right.”

3:09 Voice 1: “All right. So I’ll see you up in the gym.”

3:12 Gordon: “Well, you want to set up some kind of time or…?”

3:15 Voice 1: “What are you – what are you say Wednesday next week seven o’clock? What? What’s good for you?”

3:20 Gordon: “7PM?”

3:21 Voice 1: Great. Fine. Good. That’s fine.

3:23 Gordon: Seven o’clock.

3:24 Voice 1: Seven o’clock. Good.

3:25 Gordon: So you’ll be there Wednesday at 7.

3:27 Voice 1: That’s right. OK?

3:28 Gordon: OK. Thanks a lot.

3:29 Voice 1: Right on.

3:30 Gordon: Bye