The Dresser

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: The Dresser

Characters: Frank Kissel



0:01 Phone rings…

0:03 Voice 1: “Hello?’

0:04 Kissel: “Hello.”

0:05 Voice 1: “Hi, Mike.”

0:05 Kissel: “No. This is Kissel. I want a dresser.”

0:12 Voice 1: “Hello?”

0:13 Kissel: “Are you sellin’ a dresser?”

0:15 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:16 Kissel: “Right. Because my knees and ankles are so bad I can’t put on clothes myself so I need someone to help me like dress up.”

0:26 Voice 1: “Oh, no. This is a thing where drawers are in. This isn’t a dresser to help you dress.”

0:32 Kissel: “No. No. I don’t help with my drawers. I’m married. No. Thank you. I need just like maybe a nurse, a young lady to just help me.”

0:40 Voice 1: “This is not – this is a piece of furniture. It’s a furni – it’s a piece of furniture with drawers in it. Dresser.”

0:49 Kissel: “Wait.”

0:50 Voice 1: “A bureau. This is not what you want. This is not a person. This is a piece of furniture.”

0:55 Kissel: “Thank you for the compliment. But I just need somebody to just help me, would make…”

1:01 Voice 1: “Fine. But this is not somebody to help you dress. This is a piece of furniture. I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

1:10 Kissel: “All right.”