Balloon Rides – Frank Rizzo

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Balloon Rides

Characters: Frank Rizzo



0:01 Phone rings…

0:02 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:03 Voice 2: “Listen. I want to see if I can get me a couple of them balloon rides.”

0:06 Voice 1: “OK.”

0:07 Voice 2: “Now, where do we go with this? Explain this to me. How do I go about this?”

0:11 Voice 1: “Well, we take off from our – we have our own lights and balloon ports and [Inaudible 00:00:17].

0:17 Voice 2: “Oh, you do, eh?”

0:18 Voice 1: “Yep.”

0:19 Voice 2: “I’m very proud of you. Here’s the problem I got there. The last time I was up in one of these fuckin’ balloons, I’m jumpin’ up and down. The guy is yellin’ at me. He don’t want me jumpin’ up and down. I try to play with the wires and the cables there and he tried to light the burners or some shit. He was complainin’ to me.”

0:33 Voice 1: “Oh, we don’t care what you do.”

0:35 Voice 2: “I can jump around and shit?”

0:37 Voice 1: “Jump up and down…”

0:38 Voice 2: “You just can’t tear the fuckin’ balloon.”

0:39 Voice 1: “You can do anything. You can be a monkey.”

0:42 Voice 2: “Yeah. Right.”

0:43 Voice 1: “But we’ll just tie a little safety cord on ya. In case you’ll fall out.”

0:46 Voice 2: “OK. That fair. We’re in the right direction then.”

0:48 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

0:49 Voice 2: “OK. So when, when…”

0:50 Voice 1: “I got a harness for a guy like you.”

0:52 Voice 2: “OK. So where do we fly with this fuckin’ balloon?”

0:56 Voice 1: “Up”

0:57 Voice 2: “Over what city?”

0:58 Voice 1: “Ah. It’s kinda farmland out there.”

1:02 Voice 2: “OK. Great. Listen. I want to ask you a very important question. Can I bring shit up with me to throw down?”

1:06 Voice 1: “Oh. I don’t know.”

1:09 Voice 2: “No, huh? All right. Look. It won’t be people. If we’ll be going to farms and shit, there’ll be cows and horses.”

1:14 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

1:15 Voice 2: “I’ll bring like little rocks or apples up in the thing with me. We fire that shit down at the animals.”

1:19 Voice 1: “Well…”

1:20 Voice 2: “We’ll be high up there, right?”

1:22 Voice 1: “I don’t know. That’s against the law.”

1:25 Voice 2: “Ah. Come on. We can go play places with this.”

1:27 Voice 1: “Well, maybe nobody sees you.”

1:28 Voice 2: “All right. Look. Now I bring my own parachute up there with me?”

1:32 Voice 1: “What? You want to jump out now?”

1:33 Voice 2: “Well, just in case, I heard these fuckin’ things they go down a lot.”

1:36 Voice 1: “Oh.”

1:37 Voice 2: “You know, I don’t want to go get and tangled up in the fuckin’ thing on the way down, you know. We got a problem.”

1:41 Voice 1: “These balloons, our balloons are made in America.”

1:43 Voice 2: “Oh, yeah.”

1:44 Voice 1:”I don’t fly them French balloons.”

1:45 Voice 2: “I don’t blame your nutty ass. Those fuckin’ things are crazy.”

1:48 Voice 1: “Is that French balloons that keep goin’ down on you.”

1:50 Voice 2: “Yeah. Those fuckin’ things are just like the French, difficult. Running away goin’ down, same old shit. All right. Look. I’ll tell you what I do. I’ll call you back on this. I want to see if I can get my wife up there, too.”

2:01 Voice 1: “OK.”

2:02 Voice 2: “I want to fire her ass out of the fuckin’ thing.”

2:03 Man laughs.

2:03 Voice 2: “OK?”

2:04 Voice 1: “OK.”

2:05 Voice 2: “I’ll call you back.”

2:06 Voice 1: “OK”

2:06 Voice 2: “Right.”

2:07 Voice 1: “Bye.”