Kissel Sails – Kissel
The Jerky Boys, Album 4
Title: Kissel Sails
Characters: Kissel, Yacht Broker
Summary:
Transcript:
0:01 Phone rings…
0:03 Voice 1: “[Atlantica] Yacht Charters”
0:05 Kissel: “Hello? Hello?”
0:07 Voice 1: “Hello.”
0:08 Kissel: “Yeah. I want to know if I could rent one of ’em yachts.”
0:11 Voice 1: “Can you say that again a little slowly?”
0:13 Kissel: “I want to know if I could rent one of ’em yachts.”
0:16 Voice 1: “Sure.”
0:18 Kissel: “What are you so sure about? You got ’em?”
0:20 Voice 1: “Yep.”
0:21 Kissel: “My old lady keeps cryin’ up and down. She wants to go out one of them yachts.”
0:27 Voice 1: “Right.”
0:28 Kissel: “Back in WW II I used to be a seaman. Now I just put it all over my wife’s ass.”
0:35 Voice 1: “Right. That is funny.”
0:37 Kissel: “Yeah. I know. She don’t find it too humorous at this age.”
0:40 Voice 1: “I didn’t think so.”
0:41 Kissel: “So where do I sign up? I want to be one of them sailors. I want to go down to the Caribbean. So what’s the story? How much is it going to cost?”
0:51 Voice 1: “How many people in your party?”
0:53 Kissel: “Me and her and the old man.”
0:56 Voice 1: “The smallest yacht we have charges $950 for three hours.”
1:00 Voice 2: “Fuck him.”
1:02 Kissel: “Now my wife won’t like them prices. You got to do better. I’m a veteran.”
1:06 Voice 1: “We don’t have anything less expensive, sir.”
1:08 Kissel: “I got stories that will raise the hair on your head. We used to go down there to Tahiti, the Philippines, I used to bang broads like they were going out of style back then. Back in the old days, you could bang them for about 10 at a time for a dime. We used to even make songs about it. Ten at a time for a dime. Ten at a time for a dime.”
1:32 Voice 1: “We don’t have anything less expensive. I’m just a broker. I’m not an owner, sir.”
1:36 Voice 2: “It’s a piece of shit.”
1:37 Kissel:”Well, you’re breakin’ me with them prices.”
1:40 Voice 1: “I can’t help that, sir. That’s the lowest, that’s the smallest yacht we have.”
1:43 Kissel: “Don’t you hear my wife cryin’?”
1:45 Voice 2: “Fuckin’ loser.”
1:46 Voice 1: “I’m sorry. No. I didn’t – is that your wife?”
1:49 Kissel: “Who do you think it is? My dog?”
1:51 Voice 1: “I’m sorry. Right.”
1:52 Kissel: “Hey. Don’t even be a funny wise guy. I know where you were going to go next with that.”
1:57 Voice 1: “I’m sorry?”
1:58 Kissel: “Yeah. Because my wife she don’t like them prices.”
2:02 Voice 1: “That’s the least expensive yacht I have, sir.”
2:05 Kissel: “Well, what kind of boat is it?”
2:07 Voice 1: “It’s a 62-foot Hatteras.”
2:09 Voice 2: “He’s full of fuckin’ shit.”
2:11 Kissel: “I know what she wants. She likes that movie, Mutiny on the Bounty.”
2:15 Voice 1: “Yeah. Well, I’m not going to put up with the language anymore. So goodbye, sir.”