Sol’s Phobia

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Sol’s Phobia

Characters: Sol Rosenberg



0:00 Phone rings..

0:03 Voice 1: “Hello.  Can I help you?”

0:04 Sol: “Hello.”

0:05 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:06 Sol: “Yes, I’m calling about a phobia.  I have a phobia.”

0:10 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”  

0:11 Sol: “And can I speak to you about it?”

0:13 Voice 1: “Uh well, [Inaudible 00:14] that you wanted to make an appointment?”

0:17 Sol: “Oh, it’s just… it’s funny because it’s… I’m afraid and I just wanted to talk to somebody about that.”

0:24 Voice 1: “We don’t have a hotline.”

0:26 Sol: “Pardon me?”

0:27 Voice 1: “We don’t have a hotline.”

0:30 Sol: “But what are you doing there?  Can I speak to you about my phobia?”

0:34 Voice 1: “Well, I’m the secretary here.”

0:35 Sol: “But maybe you could just help me along a little, maybe.  You never know.”    

0:39 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:40 Sol: “You never, never know.”

0:41 Voice 1: “What’s your name?”

0:42 Sol: “Oh, my name is Sol Rosenberg.”

0:48 Voice 1: “Have you ever dealt with this before?”

0:50 Sol: “Uh… well, suddenly, suddenly… it all of a sudden came on and it scares me.  I’m afraid of my own shadow and I… if I could just get some help with this.  Everywhere I turn, it’s there.  Could you please maybe?  Maybe?”

1:13 Voice 1: “Well, if you want to come in for counseling…”

1:15 Sol: “I have this idea that my own shadow is always chokin’ me and he… he gags me and he’s a…”

1:24 Voice 1: “Ever… have you ever gone for counseling?”

1:27 Sol: “Uh… oh, you know, it’s funny.  It’s a funny thing.  He’s always gaggin’ and chokin’ me.”

1:35 Voice 1: “How old are you Sol?”

1:36 Sol: “Pardon me?”

1:37 Voice 1: “How old are you?”

1:38 Sol: “Oh, about 50, 51 and he’s always, you know, he creeps around me and when I’m… when I’m in the bedroom with myself, I’m always in a nice warm tub or somethin’ and I put nice cream on myself, he’s always there lookin’ to choke me and I’m…”

1:57 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:57].”

1:57 Sol: “…it’s an awful thing.”

1:58 Voice 1: “I think you definitely need… need some help.”

2:01 Sol: “But I would apprecia… maybe for tonight at least you could help me through this misery?”

2:06 Voice 1: “Uh, there’s no appointments tonight.”

2:08 Sol: “But… okay, but I feel very silly.  I feel so sad about this.  Could you help me?”

2:14 Voice 1: “Uh, I couldn’t.  No, I couldn’t, but a [Inaudible 02:19] might be able to.”

2:20: Sol: “Oh, coz he’s always gaggin’ me and chokin’ me and it’s my own shadow.  That’s what’s so scary.”

2:25 Voice 1: “No, you’ve never gone for help before?”

2:27 Sol: “No.”

2:28 Voice 1: “Well, I think you should.  You should seek some…”

2:33 Sol: “Aaahhh! Yeah.  Oh, you see.  Oh, God help us.  God help us.  Jesus, God n Baby Jesus help us!”

2:42 Voice 1: “When is [Inaudible 02:42]?”

2:42 Sol: “Oh see, he always chokes me.”

2:44 Voice 1: “Sol, when would you…”

2:45 Sol: “Oh… aaargh!”

2:48 Voice 1: “…want to come in?”

2:49 Sol: “Okay.  Oh…”

2.49 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 02:49].”

2:50 Sol: “Aaaahhh… Oh!  God and Baby J… could you help me?”

2:54 Voice 1: “No, I couldn’t.”