Big Ole Badass Bob The Cattle Rustler

Indulge in the wild west hilarity with Big Ole Badass Bob the Cattle Rustler merchandise. Get your hands on the best pranks and cowboy gear at Jerky Boys Store!

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Bad Ass Message – the woke version

Title: Empowered Assertion

[Scene: A modern, inclusive office setting. An assertive individual, Pat, sits at their desk, taking calls.]

Pat: [Picks up the phone confidently] Hello, you’ve reached the empowered assertion hotline. How may I assist you today in navigating respectful communication?

Caller: Yeah, uh, is this the jerk store?

Pat: Actually, this is a space for fostering constructive dialogue and mutual understanding. How can I support you in addressing your concern?

Caller: Look, I wanna leave a message for Sal Rosenberg.

Pat: Of course, I’m happy to help facilitate that communication. What’s the nature of your message?

Caller: Tell him he’s a piece of–

Pat: [Interrupts calmly] I appreciate your honesty, but let’s strive for constructive communication. Could you articulate your feelings in a more respectful manner?

Caller: [Pauses, slightly confused] Uh, okay. Tell him… he’s being rather inconsiderate.

Pat: Excellent. I’ll ensure your message is delivered with the utmost professionalism. Is there anything else you’d like to add?

Caller: Yeah, tell him he’s a jerk!

Pat: I understand you’re frustrated, but name-calling isn’t conducive to resolving conflicts. How about we focus on expressing your feelings without resorting to derogatory language?

Caller: [Reluctantly] Fine. Just tell him he needs to improve his behavior.

Pat: Thank you for your patience and understanding. Your message will be relayed in a manner that promotes growth and understanding. Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Caller: No, that’s it.

Pat: Thank you for choosing empowered assertion. Have a respectful day.

[End of call]

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Bad Ass Massage

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Bad Ass Massage

Characters: Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler

Summary:

The skit begins with a phone call to a massage parlor, where a man inquires about getting a massage specifically for his backside due to discomfort from driving a truck all day. He’s rather insistent and uses colorful language to describe the state of his backside, requesting a massage to alleviate the discomfort.

Despite the receptionist’s attempts to offer different types of massages, the caller persists in emphasizing his need for attention to his rear end. He speaks loudly and aggressively, causing confusion and frustration for the staff attending to the call. He repeatedly emphasizes the state of his backside, comparing it to unusual and humorous things like ricotta cheese in a plastic bag or a pillow stepped on by a football team.

The exchange escalates as the caller continues to emphasize the urgency and condition of his backside while the receptionist tries to explain the limitations of their services. Eventually, the receptionist decides to hang up on the caller due to his persistent and disruptive behavior.

Overall, the skit humorously highlights the miscommunication and frustration that arises from the caller’s insistence on an unconventional and specific request for a massage, focusing solely on his backside, while the receptionist tries to navigate the conversation professionally.

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Lawnmower Sale

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Lawnmower Sale

Characters: Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler

Summary:

The skit presents a comical phone conversation between two individuals discussing the sale of various items, primarily focusing on a lawnmower, a chainsaw, and a log splitter. The conversation, laden with sarcasm and humor, revolves around the confusion caused by vague inquiries and the seller’s humorous responses.

Voice 1, the seller, is initially confused about the caller’s intentions and attempts to decipher what specific item they are interested in. Voice 2, the potential buyer, struggles to articulate their needs clearly, leading to witty exchanges and playful banter.

Voice 1 humorously mocks Voice 2’s preferences, insinuating laziness for wanting a riding lawnmower and jokingly offering a lawnmower with a television. The seller playfully negotiates prices, proposing absurdly low amounts and suggesting physical gestures as part of the deal.

The conversation continues with exaggerated pricing and playful banter, ending with Voice 1 proposing a significantly reduced price for the lawnmower, amusingly noting how the offer spikes the caller’s interest. The skit showcases confusion, playful negotiations, and exaggerated humor throughout the conversation, creating an amusing scenario centered on a simple sales inquiry.

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