Bad Ass Massage

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Bad Ass Massage

Characters: Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler

Summary:

“Bad Ass Massage” features Frank Rizzo delivering a loud and unpredictable prank call. What starts as a simple inquiry quickly turns chaotic and hilarious. The humor builds through fast escalation and bold reactions. It captures the raw, unscripted style that made the Jerky Boys famous. Fans enjoy it for its intensity and authenticity. A standout piece of classic prank call comedy.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:04 Voice 1: “Hi. This is the [Inaudible 00:00:04].”

0:05 Voice 2: “Howdy, ma’am? Hello?”

0:09 Voice 1: “Hello?”

0:10 Voice 2: “Yes. I’d like to get a massage.”

0:14 Voice 1: “You want to get a massage [Inaudible 00:00:14]?”

0:16 Voice 2: “It don’t matter to me who does it, woman.”

0:19 Voice 1: “Well, she is the only one, sir. Are you a client of hers?”

0:21 Voice 2: “Well, I haven’t been. But I’m lookin’ to be now.”

0:24 Voice 1: “OK. What kind of massage are you lookin’ for?”

0:27 Voice 2: “Well, me specifically I am tryin’ to get just a massage on my ass because I drive a truckin’ trailer and I’m on my ass all day. You know what I’m sayin’?”

0:38 Voice 1: “OK, sir. They do – she has several different kinds of massages here. But that…”

0:42 Voice 2: “What is it there? That damn there shiatsu? That Yahtzee, that Yahtzee massage? What type are they doin’ over there?”

0:49 Voice 1: “OK. They do Rosen therapy.”

0:52 Voice 2: “Goddamn it, woman. I tell you what. You listenin’ to me?”

0:58 [Dial tone]

0:59 [Beeping]

1:00 [Phone rings]

1:03 Voice 3: [Inaudible 00:01:03].

1:04 Voice 2: “Yes. I seem to have been disconnected. Is this the young woman I spoke to?”

1:09 Voice 3: “No, it’s not. What can I do?”

1:11 Voice 2: “Yes. I’m tryin’ to get a massage.”

1:13 Voice 3: “All right. Have you been in before?”

1:15 Voice 2: “No, ma’am, I haven’t. But she said there is some [Inaudible 00:01:17] there.”

1:19 Voice 3: “Sir, you are yelling at me? What was the…?”

1:21 Voice 2: “Well, this is the way I speak. I mean I’m a little [Inaudible 00:01:24].”

1:25 Voice 3: “OK. What type of appointment did you want?”

1:27 Voice 2: “Specifically I want my ass done because my ass is – it’s a mess. You understand me?”

1:33 Voice 3: “Yeah, I do. But I don’t know that she’ll do that.”

1:35 Voice 2: “Well, I only want one part done and that’s just my ass. I mean my ass got ricotta cheese in a plastic bag if you know what I’m sayin’.”

1:45 Voice 3: “OK. Yeah. I don’t…”

1:47 Voice 2: “All I am sayin’ is I am big boy is my rear end kind of looks like a pillow that’s been stepped on by football team with cleats.”

1:55 Voice 3: “Sir, you don’t have to tell me again.”

1:57 Voice 2: “I’m just lookin’ to get me a little rub down to get some of them little bubbles out that cellulite bubbles stuff so I can ride my truck and not feel so damn self-conscious. But damn woman, are you listenin’ to me?”

2:10 Voice 3: “Quit yelling at me.”

2:11 Voice 2: “But you are not listening to me, woman. I’m a good man.”

2:15 Voice 3: “I am listening to you if you were listening to me.”

2:19 Voice 2: “I mean you know you ever see some of ’em cattle land? My ass look like a cattle-wrestler. That other young lady told me. [Inaudible 00:02:25] the best in the county. He could do a side of beef that would make it more tender than a damn wet pillow.”

2:31 Voice 3: Sir, I’m going to hang up on you. You can call somebody else.

Bad Ass Massage – A Classic Jerky Boys Prank Call

“Bad Ass Massage” is a perfect example of the bold, no-filter humor that made the Jerky Boys legendary. Featuring the always intense Frank Rizzo, this prank call turns a simple service inquiry into a loud, unpredictable, and hilarious exchange.

This is classic Jerky Boys energy, fast, aggressive, and completely unscripted. It’s exactly the kind of performance that built the reputation of the crank call legends.

What Happens in “Bad Ass Massage”

The call starts with what seems like a normal question about massage services, but it doesn’t take long before Frank Rizzo takes control and pushes the conversation into chaotic territory.

The humor develops through:

• Over-the-top reactions to basic questions
• Miscommunication that escalates quickly
• Increasing tension that turns into comedy
• A character who refuses to hold back

This is what defines great Jerky Boys prank calls, taking an everyday situation and turning it into something completely unexpected.

The Frank Rizzo Signature Style

Frank Rizzo remains one of the most iconic voices from classic comedy albums, and this skit highlights his strengths perfectly.

His comedic style includes:

• Loud, commanding delivery
• Exaggerated responses that drive the humor
• Relentless pacing that keeps listeners engaged
• A personality that transforms tension into laughter

This character-driven approach helped turn simple recordings into lasting comedy collectibles.

Why Fans Love This

“Bad Ass Massage” continues to stand out among fans because it delivers everything they expect from the Jerky Boys:

• Raw, unscripted humor that feels real
• High-energy interaction from start to finish
• A conversation that escalates naturally
• Frank Rizzo at peak intensity

For fans collecting Jerky Boys merchandise, this skit is another must-have addition.

Perfect For

This prank call is perfect for:

• Fans of classic comedy albums
• Collectors of comedy collectibles
• Anyone exploring custom prank calls
• Listeners who enjoy bold, character-driven humor

Whether you’re revisiting the Jerky Boys or discovering them for the first time, this track delivers a memorable experience.

A Piece of Comedy History

The Jerky Boys built their legacy by creating comedy that felt real and unfiltered. Long before social media and streaming, they were producing content that people couldn’t stop sharing.

“Bad Ass Massage” reflects that era perfectly. It’s raw, direct, and driven entirely by personality. That authenticity is what keeps it relevant today.

Owning or revisiting this skit means adding another piece of classic comedy history to your collection.

Learn the full story behind each character on the official Jerky Boys page.