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Burial Vaults

The Jerky Boys, Stop Staring at Me!

Title: Burial Vaults

Characters: Big Ole Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler

Summary:

“Burial Vaults” features a prank call built around a serious topic. The conversation begins normally. It quickly becomes awkward and humorous. Contrast drives the comedy. Reactions highlight the tension. Johnny Brennan’s delivery stays calm. The pacing builds naturally. A classic example of unique Jerky Boys humor.

Transcript:

0:00 Phone rings

0:03 Voice 1: “Good afternoon [Inaudible 00:04]

0:06 Bob: “Hello.”

0:07 Voice 1: Yes.”

0:08 Bob: “Howdy ma’am? Hello.”

0:11 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:12 Bob: “Yes, I’d like to buy me one of them vaults…Burial vaults. Hello”

0:19 Voice 1:  “Yes.”

0:20 Bob: “Well, I need [Inaudible 00:21] my business.”

0:23 Voice 1: “This is [Inaudible 00:24] vault company.”

0:25 Bob: “Yes. And I’m asking you for a vault.”

0:27 Voice 1: “Okay. And what type vault?

0:29 Bob: “You keep that up, I’m going to be inclined to give you a good shoe in the ass honey! You’ re not listening to me.”

0:36 Voice 1: “Okay.”

0:37 Bob: “Don’t ignore me please. I don’t like that.”

0:39 Voice 1: “No, I won’t.”

0:40 Bob: “Alright. I’m trying to get me a vault. Hello!”

0:43 Voice 1: “Yes. I’m listening.”

0:44 Bob: “Yeah, I don’t see that I have too long in my future. You understand me?”
0:49 Voice 1: “Okay. And who’s calling?”

0:50 Bob: “Yeah. This is Big Ole Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler. And I don’t see me having too much time left on this planet and I want to get me a big vault. You know what I’m saying. I was thinkin’ of bookin’ myself in the old oven there but I’m not going to go that way.”

1:05 Voice 1: “No.”

1:06 Bob: “Goddamn it woman! Are you listening to me?”

1:08 Voice 1: “Yes I am.”

1:10 Bob: “So, please help me out there, honey. Please… [Inaudible 01:11] I’m going to come down and spit near all of you woman!”

1:16 Voice 1: “Okay. And your name?”

1:17 Bob: “My name is Big Ole Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler.  I drive them big 18 wheeler that’s all. I’ve been doin’ that for years. I’m old [Inaudible 00:27]. I’m an old dancing boy. I’ll take that bull, I smack him upside his ass he tried to get cute with me. That’s what I got to do to you if you don’t going to help me out.”

1:37 Voice 1: “Okay. What type of vault do you want?”

1:39 Bob: “I told you, son of a gun. I don’t know how many times I have to say it to you woman? I want me a big one. I do everything big. Damn it, woman! Are you going to help me out?”

1:51 Voice 1: “Yes.”

1:53 Bob: “Okay.”

1:54 Voice 1: “Okay.”

1:55 Bob: “What the hell is wrong with you?”

1:59 Voice 1: “Are you with a funeral home or…?”

1:01 Bob: “Well, how the hell am I going to be in funeral? I’m still walkin’ around. What you want to get rid of me early?”

2:05 Voice 1: “No.”

2:06 Bob: “You crazy bastard you. You want to see me in the ground or something that early, eh?”

2:09 Voice 1: “No.”

2:10 Bob: “Please don’t do that to me. I go little time as it is. Goddamn it woman!”

2:16 Voice 1: “We don’t have vaults big enough.”

2:18 Bob: “Oh, Jesus Christ! Alright, now I’m going to have me try somewhere else, you silly bastard! Thank you very much for all the help there woman. Damn it woman you good! So long now, honey!

2:32 Voice 1: “Bye.”

2:33 Voice 1 hangs up.

 

Burial Vaults – A Classic Jerky Boys Prank Call

“Burial Vaults” is a darkly funny and completely unexpected Jerky Boys prank call that turns a serious topic into a strangely hilarious exchange. With Johnny Brennan leading the conversation, this skit walks the fine line between awkward and outrageous, delivering humor through contrast and timing.

As part of the legendary classic comedy albums, this call shows why the Jerky Boys became true crank call legends, capable of making even the most unusual subjects entertaining.

What Happens in “Burial Vaults”

The call begins with a topic most people would expect to be handled seriously. Instead, it quickly shifts into awkward territory as the conversation becomes increasingly unusual.

The humor builds through:

  • A serious subject flipped into comedy.

  • Unexpected phrasing that creates tension

  • Reactions that highlight the awkwardness

  • A steady escalation that keeps listeners engaged

This is a classic Jerky Boys prank call, where the contrast between topic and tone creates the humor.

The Johnny Brennan Delivery

Johnny Brennan brings a calm yet committed delivery that makes the situation even funnier.

His style includes:

  • Straightforward tone applied to an unusual topic.

  • Perfect timing that lets awkward moments breathe

  • Subtle escalation that builds naturally

  • Full commitment to the character throughout

This makes “Burial Vaults” a standout piece among comedy collectibles.

Why Fans Love This

Fans love this skit because it’s unexpected and different:

  • A serious topic turned into something funny.

  • Humor driven by contrast and delivery

  • Awkward moments that feel real

  • A call that stands out from louder, more aggressive bits

For fans of Jerky Boys merchandise, this call represents the creative and slightly darker edge of their comedy.

Perfect For

This prank call is perfect for:

  • Fans of classic comedy albums

  • Collectors of comedy collectibles

  • Anyone exploring custom prank calls

  • Listeners who enjoy unexpected and offbeat humor

It’s especially great for those who appreciate comedy built on contrast and timing.

A Piece of Comedy History

The Jerky Boys built their legacy by taking everyday situations and flipping them in unexpected ways. “Burial Vaults” shows how even serious subjects can become part of that formula.

This call highlights the creativity that made their work stand out. It proves that great comedy can come from anywhere, as long as the delivery is right.

Revisiting this track is a reminder of how bold and unpredictable their humor could be.

Why This Call Stands Out

Among many Jerky Boys prank calls, this one stands out for its tone and originality.

It delivers:

  • A unique concept built on contrast

  • Strong character-driven humor

  • Natural pacing that enhances awkwardness

  • High replay value for fans

It proves that comedy can be both subtle and bold at the same time.

The Jerky Boys Connection

The Jerky Boys became legends by turning everyday conversations into unforgettable comedy. Their iconic prank calls rely on strong characters, timing, and real reactions. Through their classic comedy albums, they built a loyal fan base that continues to grow. Fans of Jerky Boys merchandise, custom prank calls, and comedy collectibles still celebrate their work today. “Burial Vaults” proves that even the most unexpected topics can become timeless comedy.

Discover exclusive discounts on authentic Jerky Boys fan favorites today.