Marriage Insurance

The Jerky Boys, Stop Staring at Me!

Title: Marriage Insurance





0:00 Phone rings

0:01 Voice 1: “Good afternoon.”

0:02 Voice 2: “Hello. Is this an insurance please?”

0:06 Voice 1: “Excuse me?”

0:07 Voice 2: “Is this an insurance, please?

0:08 Voice 1: “Yes, it is.”

0:09 Voice 2: “Okay. I met this young lady. I think I wanted to marry me. Hello!”

0:16 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:18 Voice 2: “I met this young lady I wanted to marry me but I need your insurance, to tell me  you know if our marriage will be good, she’ll make a good wife.”

0:27 Voice 1: [Laughs] How am I supposed to tell you that?”

0:30 Voice 2: “I don’t know. She don’t cook or clean or nothing.”

0:32 Voice 1: [Laughs]

0:33 Voice 2: “I need you to ensure me that she’s the right lady for me.”

0:37 Voice 1: “I can’t ensure you. I can’t tell you that.”

0:40 Voice 2: “She got a bigger bare belly than me.”

0:42 Voice 1: [Laughs]

0:43 Voice 2: “That’s why I’m trying to look nice and svelte for Memorial Day because I want to wear a nice bikini.”

0:48 Voice 1: [Laughs]

0:50 Voice 2: “I got knob knees. Hello!”

0:54 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:55 Voice 2: “If you see my feet, they look like a [Inaudible 00:58]”

0:59 Voice 1: “Okay, how can [Inaudible 01:00] help you?

1:02 Voice 2: “I don’t know. She don’t cook or clean. She’s always dancing around the house. She used to be a dancer. She puts rags on her head. She don’t…I told her the other day to make me some biscuits and then she put on the oven. It went, bata boom! And biscuits flew, hit my cat. Hello! I met this lady. I want to marry her.”

1:29 Voice 1: “Oh, you do?”

1:30 Voice 2: “Right. But I need someone to insure it will be a good marriage.”

1:33 Voice 1: “Oh, I don’t know…We don’t write that kind of insurance.”

1:37 Voice 2: “You won’t give me a pat on the back, tell me, don’t worry you know, buy her a ring.”

1:40 Voice 1: “Oh, I can’t do that either.”

1:43 Voice 2: “Why not? You know how to make biscuits?”

1:47 Voice 1: “Do I what?”

1:48 Voice 2: ”Know how to make biscuits?”

1:50 Voice 1: “What does that have to do with insurance?”

1:53 Voice 2: “Because I see you makin’ some good biscuits.”

1:55 Voice 1: “Well, you ask her if she knows how to make good biscuits before you marry her.”

2:00 Voice 2: “Yeah. But every time I want to drink with Memorial Day coming up, she gets mad at me.”

2:06 Voice 1: “Oh, she does?”

2:07 Voice 2: “Right.”

2:08 Voice 1: “Well, then don’t take it.”

2:09 Voice 2: “What? Take the marriage?”

2:11 Voice 1: “Don’t take the marriage if she gets angry because you are asking for problems already. Okay.”

2:16 Voice 2: “Because…”

2:17 Voice 1 hangs up.