Lawnmower Sale

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Lawnmower Sale

Characters: Big Ole’ Bad Ass Bob the Cattle Rustler

Summary:

The skit presents a comical phone conversation between two individuals discussing the sale of various items, primarily focusing on a lawnmower, a chainsaw, and a log splitter. The conversation, laden with sarcasm and humor, revolves around the confusion caused by vague inquiries and the seller’s humorous responses.

Voice 1, the seller, is initially confused about the caller’s intentions and attempts to decipher what specific item they are interested in. Voice 2, the potential buyer, struggles to articulate their needs clearly, leading to witty exchanges and playful banter.

Voice 1 humorously mocks Voice 2’s preferences, insinuating laziness for wanting a riding lawnmower and jokingly offering a lawnmower with a television. The seller playfully negotiates prices, proposing absurdly low amounts and suggesting physical gestures as part of the deal.

The conversation continues with exaggerated pricing and playful banter, ending with Voice 1 proposing a significantly reduced price for the lawnmower, amusingly noting how the offer spikes the caller’s interest. The skit showcases confusion, playful negotiations, and exaggerated humor throughout the conversation, creating an amusing scenario centered on a simple sales inquiry.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:04 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:05 Voice 2: “Hello?”

0:06 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

0:07 Voice 2: “Hello? Hi. Do you have a lawnmower for sale?”

0:13 Voice 1: “A lawnmower?”

0:14 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

0:15 Voice 1: “Who is this?”

0:16 Voice 2: “I…I…’

0:18 Voice 1: “How do you do there, son?”

0:19 Voice 2: “OK.”

0:20 Voice 1: “What do you want now?”

0:22 Voice 2: “Do you have something for sale that you put in the paper?”

0:27 Voice 1: “Yeah. I got a goddamn few things sellin’ that I put in the paper. But what the hell are you lookin’ for specifically?”

0:33 Voice 2: “Oh, the lawnmower, the chainsaw and the log splitter.”

0:39 Voice 1: “The lawnmower, the chainsaw and the log splitter?”

0:42 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

0:43 Voice 1: “If I didn’t know any better, son, I’d say you was a regular jackass. You got to tell me what you want, boy. What are you lookin’ for?”

0:55 Voice 2: “The lawnmower.”

0:56 Voice 1: “The lawnmower. Now what kind you lookin’ for? Something that you ride on or something that you pull or push?”

1:02 Voice 2: “To ride on.”

1:03 Voice 1: “To ride on. You is a lazy bastard, ain’t you? You’re just lookin’ to get out the easy way. Well, I got them pushin’ kinds.”

1:11 Voice 2: “Well, that’s for you.”

1:12 Voice 1: “What do you want? A TV on the goddamn thing, too?”

1:15 Voice 2: “Listen. That’s for you because I am old man. I needed the one with the riding, you know.”

1:20 Voice 1: “You want to ride in one? I see. So you’re just lookin’ to do a little bit of work. What do you got? A little-bitty lawn?”

1:26 Voice 2: “Eh, you know…”

1:27 Voice 1: “Ah. You’re just driving around the fuckin’ tree a little you got to make sure you don’t tip that son of a bitch over and fall into the blades. You know what I mean?”

1:34 Voice 2: “Hello?”

1:35 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

1:36 Voice 2: “How much do you want for the chainsaw?”

1:39 Voice 1: “For the chainsaw, I don’t want that much. You give me $25 and a good smackin’ up and we’re even. How is that?”

1:45 Voice 2: “OK.”

1:46 Voice 1: “All right there. Now what do you want? You said you wanted the fuckin’ lawnmower. Do you want it or no?”

1:50 Voice 2: “And what about the log splitter?”

1:53 Voice 1: “What about the log splitter?”

1:54 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

1:55 Voice 1: “Well, that thing, the lawnmower, that’s expensive. Do you want to know what I paid for that?”

2:02 Voice 2: “Hello?”

2:03 Voice 1: “Do you know what I paid for that?”

2:04 Voice 2: “No.”

2:05 Voice 1: “I paid shit for that motherfucker. Now that’s what I’m tryin’ to tell you. How cheap do you want it?”

2:12 Voice 2: “I don’t know. I will not say price. I just asked you the price.”

2:15 Voice 1: “Go ahead. If you want it cheap, I’ll give it to you cheap because you’re a good man. You’re a friend. Son, what’s up? How much you want that for?”

2:23 Voice 2: “Nine hundred dollars.”

2:24 Voice 1: “I’ll tell you what. I’ll give it to you for four and I’d also give you two slaps across your fuckin’ mouth because I like you. How is that? You got it for 400 bucks.”

2:34 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

2:35 Voice 1: “You crazy – I knew that would spike your little tone up there, you crazy bastard ya. Give me your number. I’ll get right back to you on this shit. Hello?”