Tarbash’s New Shoes

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Tarbash’s New Shoes

Characters: Tarbash



0:01 Phone rings…

0:03 Voice 1: “Hello?”

0:04 Voice 2: “Hello? Hello?”

0:06 Voice 1: “Yes. Hi.”

0:07 Voice 2: “I need you to help me. My shoe, my cat is ripping my shoe apart. They are getting out.” Man screaming. “Hello. My toe is hanging out so bad I could say hello to it. Can you please [Inaudible 00:00:23]?” Man screaming. Oh. Oh. Hello?”

0:32 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:33 Voice 2: “Yeah, I do. Can you help me? What do you – yeah – would you help me?”

0:37 Voice 1: “Who is this?”

0:38 Voice 2: ‘What the – who do you think it is? I am a magician. I need my shoe for tonight. I’m doing a gig.”

0:44 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

0:45 Voice 2: “And what the – I – my shoe – my toe. I could play piggy. This little piggy went to the market. But my shoe is ripped.”

0:52 Voice 1: “Yeah?”

0:53 Voice 2: “Yeah. Yeah. What the hell? Can you fix it?”

0:54 Voice 1: “Where are the shoes?”

0:56 Voice 2: “What? On my feet. My cat is attacking me. I am supposed to train them tonight.”

1:01 Voice 1: “Why are you screaming at me?”

1:03 Voice 2: “Because the cat is – get down, catty. Kitty cat. Kitty cat, get down. Get down.” Man screaming. “Oh. Oh. Hello?”

1:20 Voice 1: “So what do you want me to do?”

1:22 Voice 2: “I want you to close them up?”

1:23 Voice 1: “So bring it over.”

1:26 Voice 2: “I need you to do this. I want you to do this.”

1:28 Voice 1: What the fuckin’ hell do you want from me?

1:30 Man screaming. “Hello?”