Sex Therapy

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Sex Therapy




0:00 Phone rings..

0:07 Voice 1: “Can I help you?”

0:08 Voice 2: “Yes, I’m calling for sexual therapy.”

0:12 Voice 1: Who referred you to us?”

0:13 Voice 2: “Well, I’ve gotten the number from the newspaper.”

0:17 Voice 1: “From the newspaper?”

0:18 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:19 Voice 1: “May I ask which newspaper?”

0:21 Voice 2: “Oh, the Village Voice.  It’s right here in front of me, if you don’t believe me.  I’ll read it to you.”

0:24 Voice 1: “No, I believe you.”

0:25 Voice 2: “Okay.  Listen, I really could use the help.”

0:28 Voice 1: “Yeah, one moment please sir.  Yeah, hello.”

0:34 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:35 Voice 1: “Yeah.  Are you seeking therapy by yourself?”

0:39: Voice 2: “Well, what I want is… yeah, we were going to do a group little thing, but the guys backed out.  I just could… really could use the help myself.”

0:46 Voice 1: “Well, uh… [Inaudible 00:47] I don’t understand what you’re talking.”

0:48 Voice 2: “Well, I was, you know, not functioning properly and we would always try new techniques n stuff, but I just…”

0:54 Voice 1: “Are you coming to therapy with your partner?”

0:56 Voice 2: “Well, you see, my… it’s [Inaudible 00:58] or twisted like a little weiner package that something…”

1:01 Voice 1: “I don’t understand what you’re talking.”

1:02 Voice 2: “Yeah, I mean it’s really crazy.  My partner should come, shouldn’t he?”

1:06 Voice 1: “Yes, we…”

1:07 Voice 2: “Well.”

1:07 Voice 1: “You would have to come with your partner.  Why don’t you talk to your partner about the [Inaudible 01:10]?”

1:10 Voice 2: “Well, he wants to come.  You see, what happened though… last night we had this like…”

1:14 Voice 1: “Don’t discuss partners on the telephone sir, so you’ll have to book an appointment to see the doctor with your…”

1:19 Voice 2: “Well, if I come in, will the doctor, like will he, you know, touch me and [Inaudible 00:22].”

1:22 Voice 1: “If he touches you, this is… you’d be meeting with the doctor for consultation.”

1:26 Voice 2: “And is he a nice doctor, a nice man?”

1:29 Voice 1: “No, he’s a terrible man…

1:30 Voice 2: “Yeah, but the…”

1:31 Voice 1: …obviously.”

1:31 Voice 2: “No, I’ve had some dealings with the… I went to a doctor once and he shot a pumpkin ball right in my… like in my ass and it really hurt me and I really don’t want this guy doing shit like that.”

1:44 Laughter.