Sol’s Nude Beach

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Sol’s Nude Beach

Characters: Sol Rosenberg



0:01 Phone rings…
0:02 Woman picks up and says: “Hello.”

0:03 Sol: “Hi, is Jim around?”

0:05 Voice 1: “Who’s calling please?”

0:06 Sol: “This is his friend, Sol.”

0:08 Voice 1: “Pardon me?

0:10 Sol: “Sol.”

0:12 Voice 1: “What was your name please?”

0:14 Sol: “Sol Rosenberg.”

0:16 Voice 1: “He’s not here right now. May I take a message?”

0:19 Sol:  “Yeah, I’m calling… He told me I could join the little nudist camp over there.”

0:25 Voice 1: “Pardon me?”

0:26 Sol: “The nudist camp. I want to join the nudist camp for the beaches.”

0:30 Voice 1: “You do?”

0:31 Sol: “Yes.”

0:32 Voice 1: “Oh, I’m sorry”
0:34 Sol: “Why? What’s the problem?”

0:38 Voice 1: “Who are you calling…Jim?”

0:40 Sol: “Yes, that’s right.”

0:42 Voice 1: “Oh, is he the one that told you that there is a nudist camp?”

0:45 Sol: “Yes, he told me I could join the nudist camp because in New York I was in a nudist camp up there and they always would abuse me and throw me down and rub sand on my assy nipples and they used to hurt me bad. And tie me to the pier and let the fishes eat at me and what not.

1:02 Voice 1: “What is your name?”

1:04 Sol: “Sol Rosenberg.”

1:07 Voice 1: “Sto…?”

1:08 Sol: “Sol. I was calling because I don’t want to be tied up to motor boats anymore and dragged around like a fool. I want to join a gym and walk up and down a beach and step on piss clams.”

1:22 Voice 1: “Well, I don’t get it.”

1:24 Sol: “Well, he said that he would rub small little sand baskets all over my ass if I wanted to walk up and down a beach with him. We could do that for each other.”

1:33 Voice 1: “Oh! What is your number? How…Can I call you back?”

1:37 Sol: “He said he would be there to receive this call because we could go flying parasail’s and divin’ up and down.”

1:45 Voice 1: “Well, I’m his mother and I’m surprised at that.”

1:49 Sol: “He told me that I would jump all over the place and do back flips in the sand.”

1:54 Voice 1: “Yeah.”

1:55 Sol: “Because down here he said… Nobody would beat me up down here.”

2:00 Voice 1: “Oh, is that so?”

2:01 Sol: “Because up in New York what happened was they used to tie me down on the beach and rub sand all over my ass neck and beat me with like all little sharp things that they found on the beach. And they would try drown me and tie me to the piers for high tide. And I was very hurt with that.”

2:16 Voice 1: “I’m his mother and I think it’s an insulting [Inaudible 02:19] and if I…I’ll talk to him when he gets home, just don’t you worry about that.”