Diamond Dealer

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Diamond dealer

Characters: Operator



0:01 Phone rings…

0:03 Operator picks up and says, “Good afternoon.”

0:04 Voice 1: “Yeah, I got some stones here I want to get rid of.”

0:07 Operator: “What type of stones?”

0:08 Voice 1: “Kidney… What type of stones? What do you think? I got some rocks and diamonds. I wanna unload them. I waxed and fucked around last night. I want to get rid of these things. You got somebody over there to do business with me?”

0:20 Operator: “Sure. One moment”

0:21 Voice 1: “Alright, get him on the phone.”

0:24 Operator: “Sure. One moment.”

0:33 Voice 2: “May I help you?”

0:34 Voice 1: “Yeah, what’s up? You hung up on me. Something happened there.”

0:36 Voice 2: “Excuse me, sir?”

0:37 Voice 1: “Somebody hung up the phone on me. I was trying to get somebody over there.”

0:40 Voice 2:  “It’s…This is somebody else. How I can help you?”

0:43 Voice 1:  “Alright. Look. I’m trying to get somebody about some rocks I got to unload.”

0:46 Voice 2: “Okay, you don’t mind to speak up with all this.”

0:48 Voice 1: “No, see if you can get him over there for me on the phone, okay?

0:51 Voice 2:  “Excuse me, sir?”

0:52 Voice 1: “Thank you. Get him on the phone if you could.”

0:54 Voice 2: “Sir, I’m more than happy to help you.”

0:57 Voice 1: “Listen, I don’t have time to play with the phone ya. I’ve got lot of stuff I’ve gotta get done. Okay?”

1:00 Voice 2: “Sir, you don’t know how to speak with somebody.”

1:03 Voice 1: “Do me a favor.”

1:04 Voice 2: [Inaudible 1:04]

1:06 Voice 1: “Look, you’re illiterate in the first place, okay?”

1:07 Voice 2: “Excuse me?”

1:08 Voice 1: “You’re illiterate in the first place. Get me somebody I can talk to.”

1:11 Voice 2: “Sir, how I can help you?”

1:14 Voice 1: “No, no… How can I help you, sir? Thank you! Get me somebody on the phone I can talk to. I’m a very busy man,”

1:20 Voice 2: “I’m happy to help you over the phone right?”

1:21 Voice 1: “I’ve got a little job for you on the side. Get me one of your bosses.”

1:24 Voice 3: “Hello!”

1:25 Voice 1: “How you doing there fruity? Listen…”

1:26     Voice 3: “Yeah.”

1:27 Voice 1: “I got these stones I want to unload. I waxed and fucked around last night. I want to get rid of these stones. I can’t be playing with these things around.”

1:34 Voice 3: “Ah…”

1:35 Voice 1: “Alright. You do business with me or what?”

1:37 Voice 3: “Ah…?”

1:38 Voice 1: “We’ve got to do business. Talk cash. What’s the story here?”

1:40 Voice 3: “I don’t know.”

1:41 Voice 1: “You want to meet somewhere or what? You’re gonna get cute, funny, fresh with me? What’s the story?”

1:45 Voice 3: “I don’t know man. If you waxed somebody out for the stones I can do nothing.”’

1:49 Voice 1: “Hey, hey, this is America baby.”

1:51 Voice 3: “Sorry!”

1:52 Voice 1: “Survival of the fittest.”