Pizza Lawyer

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Pizza Lawyer




0:00 Phone rings..

0:03 Voice 1: “Hello.  Legal Referrals.  May I help you?”

0:05 Voice 2: “Hello.  I want to speak to one lawyer please.”

0:09 Voice 1: “Uh… what’s the problem?”

0:10 Voice 2: “I… that-that I must talk to somebody now.  I cannot even think properly.”

0:16 Voice 1: “What is the problem?”

0:17 Voice 2: “I… I went to deliver one pizza.  I knock on wrong door.  The man came out and punched me there, beat me for no reason.  I did knock on wrong door.”

0:31 Voice 1: “Okay.”

0:31 Voice 2: “He’s in underwear and he’s… he’s…. [Inaudible 00:34]… he hit me so hard.

0:38 Voice 1: “Alright, did you already talk to your boss?”

0:40 Voice 2: “Yes,  I did.  I got back to boss.  I’m late 10 minute.  He fire me.”

0:45 Voice 1: “Okay, did you file a police report?  Did you ever contact them?”

0:50 Voice 2: “I’m ready to go police.  Then I thinking what happened.  I just thought that going up on the street and I can’t… I can’t… Crying.”

1:03 Voice 1: “You can’t start crying on the phone on me.”

1:05 Voice 2: “I’m very, very mad.  I think I’m going to… to stab that guy or something.”

1:10 Voice 1: “And when did this happen?”  

1:12 Voice 2: “It has happened right now.  The guy…”

1:15 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:15] did you ever call the police department?  I asked you that.”

1:18 Voice 2: “I’m [Inaudible 01:18] that I was going on the way to police and then I threw up and now I must speak to somebody.”

1:25 Voice 1: “Please… the lawyer’s going to make you file a com… a police report.”

1:29 Voice 2: “Oh… and he [Inaudible 01:31]… he took foot and hit my ear.”

1:34 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:34] on me.  Then I’ll have to hang up on you.”

1:36 Voice 2: “But then why you de… everybody… nobody gives me break.”

1:40 Voice 1: “Look, the breaks have nothing to do with it.  if you’re going to fall apart…”

1:44 Voice 2: “Crying… he hurt me.…screaming.”

1:55 Voice 1: “Hello.”

1:56 Voice 2: “Crying… he hurt me.”

1:59 Voice 1: “What are you talking about?”

2:00 Voice 2: “He punched me.  Then the man strangled me.  I cannot even think.”

2:06 Voice 1: “Alright, then when you can think, you can call back.”

2:09 Voice 2: “What do… why do you curse me for it.  I need your help.”

2:12 Voice 1: “Look, I already told you three or four times to stop screaming at me.”

2:17 Voice 2: “I am screaming because every time I think about what happened, I get the crazy.”

2:22 Voice 1: “Okay, but that has nothing to do with it.  You’re going to have to pull yourself together and I’ve already asked you to do that three or four times.”

2:29 Voice 2: “But he slapped me three times.  He took my…”

2:32 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 02:32]… That’s not what I’m trying to help you with…

2:34 Voice 2: “He punched me.”

2:35 Voice 1: …doesn’t help.”

2:36 Voice 2: Screaming.  

2:37 Voice 1: “Alright there.  You’re going to have to call back.”

2:39 Voice 2: Screaming and some other noise.