Ball Game Beating

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Ball Game Beating

Characters: Sol Rosenberg



0:01 Phone rings…

0:02 Operator picks up and says: “May I help you?”

0:03 Sol Rosenberg: “Hi, I’d like to get a hair piece.”

0:05 Operator: “Excuse me?”

0:06 Sol: “I’d like to get a hair piece please.”

0:08 Operator: “Do you like information?”

0:09 Sol: “Well, yes, I need some information because I’d like to tell you some information.”

0:14 Operator: “Okay, hold on one second.”

0:16 Voice 1: “Hello, [Inaudible 00:17]”.

0:17 Sol: “Hi, I just want to know a little information on a hairpiece”

0:20 Voice 1: “Okay.”

0:21 Sol: “The other night I was out at a basket ball game with my whole family.”

0:25 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:26 Sol: “And I only asked this guy in front of me to just sit down a bit so I could see and he beat me unmerciful. He beat me very badly and my hair piece fell off.”

0:36 Voice 1: “My God!”

0:37 Sol: “And it fell into this…on to the floor there and all of a sudden everyone’s laughing at me and my family as well. And I look up on the screen and they had me on the screen with my hair layin’ on the floor. And it was awful because when he beat me my teeth were also in my hair piece.

0:52 Voice 1: “Your teeth ended up in your hair piece?”

0:53 Sol: “Yes. And I just want something. My hair piece is always embarrassing me in front of my family and friends. I just need to have like a transplant, a weave or something.”

1:02 Voice 1: “Okay. Would you like to come in for a consultation?”

1:04 Sol: “Yes. Anything would be fine just so we can get on the road to recovery here because this is mentally killing me as well.”

1:12 Voice 1: “This is hurting you mentally?”

1:13 Sol: “Yes, it’s really getting on my nerves.”

1:15 Voice 1: “Okay. How can we help you out then?”

1:17 Sol: “I just need some kind of little like fruity weave or some kind of blond basket or something that you put on top of my head.”

1:22 Voice 1:  Lying basket?

1:24 Sol: “No, no, a blond basket like some kind of hair weave, kinda like a [Inaudible 01:28] kind of thing.

1:30 Voice 1: “Okay. I think we can help you out with that. But basically you’d have to come in for a consultation. We can take a look at your hair and see what exactly…”

1: 37 Sol: “Oh, okay. Then I’ll come in as soon as possible.”

1:40 Voice 1: “Okay. Can I take your name down?”

1:42 Sol: “My name is Sol.”

1:44 Voice 1:  “Right.”

1:45 Sol: “Sol Rosenberg.”

1:46 Voice 1: “Sol Rosenberg?”

1: 47 Sol: “Yes.”

1:48 Voice 1: “Okay. Can you hold one second, Sol? Have you seen our brochure yet?

1:52 Sol: “No, I haven’t. I’m just very scared about all this.”

1:55 Voice 1: “Well, there’s nothing to be scared, Sol. It’s a very simple procedure.”

1:58 Sol: “Yes but being beat like that unmerciful and having my own flesh and blood          standing there, laughing at me when I laid in the puddle of my blood and piss was awful. I’m so hurt in my stomach with this.”

2:11 Voice 1: “Oh, Jesus! This sounds like you know… you’re getting’ a little over-reactive to this thing.”

2:15 Sol: “Well, I’m hurt.”

2:16 Voice 1: “There are a lot of things we can do for you.”

2:17 Sol: “I’m very hurt. This is just…I’d like to get a nice little piece on my head where nothing will come off from this day on, please!”

2:23 Voice 1: “Okay, well Sol, so you understand most of our systems, they require some type of maintenance in the future.”

2:28 Sol: “Oh, now do you suture this to the head? Like is it all like strapped and like stitched in or something like this right into the scalp?”

2:35 Voice 1: “That’s a procedure that we really don’t recommend Sol.”

2:37 Sol: “Okay, as long as I don’t get infections.”

2:39 Voice 1: “No, there won’t be any infections at all.”

2:41 Sol: “Okay. Listen, I’ll contact you right away on this when I round up a few bucks. Let me round up a few dollars, okay?”

2:47 Voice 1: “You need to round up a few dollars?”

2:48 Sol: “Okay.”

2:49 Voice 1: “Okay.”

2: 49 Sol: “Thank you!”

2: 50 Voice 1: “Bye bye.”

2: 52 Sol: “Bye bye”.