Security Service
The Jerky Boys, album 2
Title: Security Service
Characters: Jack Tors
Summary:
Transcript:
0:01 Phone rings.
0:02 Man picks up the phone and says, “Good afternoon!”
0:03 Jack: “Hello!”
0:04 Voice 1: “Yes.”
0:05 Jack: “Hi, is this Security Service?”
0:06 Voice 1: “Yes.”
0:07 Jack: “Yes, I need some security.”
0:08 Voice 1: “Yes.”
0:09 Jack: “Yes, I’m very insecure.”
0: 11 Voice 1: “I’ll be happy to help you, sir.”
0:12 Jack: “Right.”
0:13 Voice 1: “At what location would you want service?”
0:16 Jack: “Well, it’s me personally. I’m just a very insecure person and I need a little help if you could.”
0:20 Voice 1: “Okay, I’ll be happy to help you.”
0:22 Jack: “Sure!”
0:23 Voice 1: “May I have your name?”
0:24 Jack: “My name is Jack Tors.”
0:26 Voice 1: “How do you spell the last name?”
0:27 Jack: “Tor…”
0:29 Voice 1: “Aha”
0:30 Jack: “…s”
0:31 Voice 1: “And you want a bodyguard to go with you?”
0:34 Jack: “Oh, no, no, no, I’m just… you know, mentally insecure.”
0:37 Voice 1: “Yeah.”
0:38 Jack: “And I could just you know could use a talkin’ to or a little beatin’ here and there.”
0:42 Voice 1: “You need a what?”
0:43 Jack: “A whippin’ or talking to.”
0:44 Voice 1: “Aha.”
0:45 Jack: “You know just to keep me in line.”
0:47 Voice 1: “Aha.”
0:48 Jack: “That type of thing.
0:50 Voice 1: “Aha.”
0:51 Jack: “Because I’m a very insecure person.”
0:53 Voice 1: “How old are you?”
0:54 Jack: “I’m 27.”
0:57 Voice 1: “Aha… Okay.”
0:58 Jack: “Alright? You know, sometimes I get aligned with myself and… Really, I’m very insecure.”
01:05 Voice1: “Aha.”
01:06 Jack: “One time you know I just punched the holes of myself.”
01:10 Voice 1: “Yeah.”
01:11 Jack: “I just… I need a friend is what I am basically trying to say. I’m very insecure, you know?”
01:17 Voice1: “Hmm. Okay. But, what would you want me to do for you?”
01:22 Jack: “Oh… I don’t know. We could probably just talk and you could keep me in line with a good kick to the nuts or up in the ass once in a while.”
01:29 Voice1: “Hmm”
01:31 Jack: “I could give you a number.”
01:32 Voice 1: “Okay.”
01:33 Jack: “Okay. 3 2… I just really appreciate it.”
01:38 Voice1: “And what’s your address?”
01:40 Jack: “It’s out in Metropolitan. You know Queens…See, I’m even afraid to go out of the house now and again. I ripped the hair out of my freakin’ head. I’m just so…so insecure.”
01:54 Voice 1:“Well, have you thought about hypnosis that might help you?
01:58 Jack: “Oh, yeah, I tried that once or twice and it’s not… You know, I have a problem with that thing. I come out of the office and… I don’t know. I got a big red shank around me which tells me that something’s wrong. Something’s wrong. When I was [Inaudible 02:11] he must have been touching me or doing something wrong.”
02:15 Voice 1: “I don’t know.”
02:16 Jack: “Yeah, yeah.”
02:18 Voice 1:“So, you are 27 years old.”
02:19 Jack: “Right.”
02:20 Voice 1: “And what kind of work do you do?”
02:21 Jack: “Well, I was in construction and then I was very insecure about that.”
02:25 Voice 1: “Yeah.”
02:26 Jack: “Because I had fallen once or twice.”
02:29 Voice1: “And what do you do now?”
02:30 Jack: “Well, right now, I was going to be a bar tender but with the women and all, I’m very insecure with that.
02:35 Voice1: “Yeah.”
02:36 Jack: “Yeah, so what I do now… I’ve been off now a couple of months and I just… you know, I get very angry with myself in the house and I throw myself a beating once in a while.
02:46 Voice1: “So, what do you want me to do for you?”
02:49 Jack: “Well, you see it’s hard on myself because I really hurt my hands and once in a while I could use maybe…you just throw a real good, fuckin’ beating on me.
02:58 Voice1: “Well, I need you to come to the office for that kind of therapy.”
03:03 Jack: “Alright, okay. Well, I’ll do that.”
03:05 Voice1: “And I would have to charge you like a 100 bucks.”
03:07 Jack: “Okay, but do you have my number?”
03:09 Voice1: “Yes”
03:10 Jack: “Okay. That’s it.”
03:11 Voice1: “You want to come in?”
03:13 Jack: “Sure. Can you give me a call back?”
03:15 Voice1: “Sure.”
03:16 Jack: “Okay. I’ve got to run now. I’ve to take care of some groceries and things like that.”
03:21 Voice1: “You want to come in tomorrow at three in the afternoon. I call you back tomorrow to confirm in the morning.”
03:26 Jack: “Right. And this way…This will really help me a lot because this way you or somebody else could kick me up the ass or shoo in the nuts and I wouldn’t have to worry about this by myself because I’m really… It’s driving me crazy.”
03:38 Voice 1: “Alright, I’ll call you tomorrow morning and I’ll remind you. It’s a100 bucks and we’ll schedule you for 3 o’clock tomorrow afternoon. Okay?”
03:45 Jack: “Great, thank you!
03:46 Voice 1: “Okay.”
03:47 Jack: “Bye bye”
03:48 Voice 1: “Bye bye.”