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Gay Hairdresser

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Gay Hairdresser

Characters:

Summary:

The skit unfolds as a phone conversation between two individuals, Voice 1 and Voice 2, discussing a potential job opportunity. Voice 2 expresses interest in a job related to hairstyling, indicating a willingness to bring in a considerable clientele. However, the conversation takes an unexpected turn as Voice 2 begins detailing their unconventional and extreme methods in hairstyling, including carving designs into clients’ heads using Novocain and experiencing altercations due to dissatisfaction with their work.

Voice 1 attempts to steer the conversation back to professional matters, emphasizing the conservative nature of the Wall Street clientele they cater to. Despite Voice 2’s eccentricity and bold claims about their work, Voice 1 remains polite and schedules an interview for the upcoming week.

As the conversation progresses, Voice 2 reveals increasingly bizarre aspects of their work, mentioning carving designs on their own children’s heads. However, the situation takes a stark turn when Voice 1 discloses the job location at the Trade Center, prompting surprise from Voice 2, who realizes the prestigious location they’ve been discussing.

The skit ends with the confirmation of a meeting scheduled for the following Wednesday, leaving Voice 1 bewildered by the conversation’s eccentricity but maintaining a polite demeanor.

Overall, the skit humorously portrays the mismatch between a professional setting seeking conservative hairstyling services and an overly eccentric candidate whose extreme and unconventional methods clash with the expected norms, leading to an amusingly awkward and surprising exchange.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:02 Voice 1: “Can I help you?”

0:03 Voice 2: “Yes. I am calling about the job.”

0:04 Voice 1: “Ah, yes. Are you currently working downtown?”

0:05 Voice 2: “Yes. I will – well, actually, I was cutting hair uptown. And now, I want to get there because I see what you say about the Wall Street thing there?”

0:14 Voice 1: “Right.”

0:15 Voice 2: “I could probably bring a lot of clientele.”

0:18 Voice 1: “OK.”

0:19 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

0:20 Voice 1: “Uhm. We’re interviewing all next week.”

0:23 Voice 2: “OK. Great. Listen. What about styles? What kind of styles are you looking for?”

0:29 Voice 1: “We do – well, we do everything.”

0:31 Voice 2: “Right. All right. Look. I am pretty far out there. I have done some whacky shit. I used to shoot people’s heads up with Novocain and carve grooves in their head. I mean, if that’s too far-fetched, you gotta let me know.”

0:42 Voice 1: “Well, first of all, we work on Wall Street. So the people here aren’t going to be that wild.”

0:47 Voice 2: “Right. Right. I did a lot of work in the village, man. I’m a fuckin’ – I’m crazy. I’m a nut job. One time I gave this guy a haircut, he didn’t like it. He kicked my fuckin’ ass all over.”

0:58 Voice 1: “If you wanna come in one day next week, I’d be glad to see you.

1:01 Voice 2: “Right. Right. As long as my appearance wouldn’t bother you. I’m carved from head to toe. I’m a lunatic. But I’ll come in and we’ll shoot this shit and you can see some of my work. OK?”

1:13 Voice 1: “No problem. If you wanna – do you wanna stop by Monday next week?”

1:16 Voice 2: “Whatever is fine. Listen I’ll bring my children down. I carved this shit on their heads, too. But it looks good. It looks good. You never heard of that before?”

1:24 Voice 1: “Excuse me?”

1:25 Voice 2: “Did you ever hear of that procedure?”

1:26 Voice 1: “Yes.”

1:27 Voice 2: “Is that something or what?”

1:30 Voice 1: “Ahh. I don’t think anyone down here would want that done. So don’t worry about it too much.”

1:33 Voice 2: “All right. Great. Well, I’ll come down and you could show me your shit. And maybe kick me around the office a little and we’ll throw ideas back and forth. OK?”

1:41 Voice 1: “Great. Do you want my address?”

1:42 Voice 2: “Yes, please.”

1:44 Voice 1: “All right. We’re at the Trade Center.”

1:46 Voice 2: “Oh. Holy shit. All right. OK. I’ll see you then. I’ll see you what? Wednesday? Next week?”

1:54 Voice 1: “Wednesday is fine.”

1:55 Voice 2: “OK. All right. I’m so happy. Bye-bye now.”

1:58 Voice 1: “All right. See you then.”

1:59 Voice 2: “Bye.”