“Jerky Call, No. 6: Quick Jerks” (Brennan)

Sol’s Rusty Trombone (Album 7)

Title: “Jerky Call, No. 6: Quick Jerks” (Brennan)




0:01 John:          “John speaking.”

0:01 Sol:             “Hi, Susan. Hello?”

0:03 John:          “Yes, hi, no, this is John, actually.”

0:05 Sol:             “Service. *bell ringing*Stop ringing that in my ear, sir. Hello?

0:11 John:          “Yes, hi.”

0:14 Sol:             “Susan? Hello?”

0:15 John:          “Hello.”

0:16 Sol:             “Hi Susan, yes, I need my scooter serviced.”

0:18 John:          “Okay.”

0:20 Sol:             “It’s called a tilt-a-whirl, I believe.”

0:22 John:          “It’s called what?”

0:24 Sol:             “A tip-over, tilt-a-whirl.”

0:25 John:          “I’m sorry?”

0:27 Sol:             “It flipped me right out.”

0:29 John:          “It flipped you out?”

0:30 Sol:             “Yes.”

0:30 John:          “Where did you buy it from?”

0:32 Sol:             “Susan. Hello?”

0:34 John:          “Yes, hi, no, this is John, actually.”

0:38 Sol:             “Service! Susan. Hello? Damn scooter. Hang up the phone, I can’t get help.

0:43 John:          “Hello, ma’am?”

0:44 Phone rings.

0:47Jackie:        “Thank you for calling, this is Jackie.”

0:48Frank:         “How you doin?”

0:49Jackie:        “Great, how are you?”

0:50Frank:         “Good. I need my barbecue serviced.”

0:52Jackie:        “Okay.”

0:53Frank:         “You know what it is, last summer my mother, she used to love the old barbecue, you know?”

0:56Jackie:        “Uh huh.”

0:57Frank:         “And she went out there and the damn thing blew up and took her legs off.”

1:00Jackie:        “Ooh.”

1:01Frank:         “Eh, that what we all said, ooh, that’s our first response, you know? Her legs are laying over there by the barbecue. Ooh.”

1:06Jackie:        “Okay.”

1:07Frank:         “Oh, it was awful. That’s why we needed service. We don’t want another incident like that, you know?

1:10Jackie:        “Uh-huh.”

1:11Frank:         “Yeah, so now we take her out there and prop her up there by the ole barbecue. She’s got that dopey little look on her face, you know? Boy, I tell you, she loves it, she really loves it. *scream* Oh, geez, she just took a heade, I gotta go.

1:22 Phone rings.

1:22Frank:         “Hi.”

1:23Speaker:     “Yes, hello.”

1:24Frank:         “We have just several questions here, ma’am.”

1:26Speaker:     “Okay.”

1:27Frank:         “Yes, now, what’s your age, ma’am?”

1:28Speaker:     “56.”

1:30Frank:         “Have you ever been known to speed down the road and have a friend of yours hold your eyes so that you couldn’t see where you were driving?”

1:37Speaker:     “Um, occasionally.”

1:39Frank:         “Wow.”

1:41Speaker:     “But that’s optional.”

1:42Frank:         “No, it isn’t, ma’am, and quite frankly, it’s very dangerous. Do you realize in your escapades you could have mowed down several innocent pedestrians?”

1:50Speaker:     “Yes, I know.”

1:51Frank:         “Yes, so I will kindly ask you to stop this foolishness and this idiotic driving around like some sort of jackass. Do you realize how many people you could have hurt both physically and emotionally with your reckless behavior? Good day, ma’am.”

2:03Speaker:     “Okay. Well, thank you for the time.”

2:08Frank:         “I said, good day.”