“Jerky Call, No. 1: Ballot Box” (Brennan)

Sol’s Rusty Trombone (Album 7)

Title: “Jerky Call, No. 1: Ballot Box” (Brennan)

Characters: Johnny Brennan

Summary:

“Ballot Box” features a prank call built around a simple concept. The conversation starts normally. It becomes increasingly confusing. Reactions drive the humor. Johnny Brennan keeps it believable. The pacing builds naturally. Fans enjoy its subtle style. A classic example of Jerky Boys comedy.

Transcript:

0:01 Speaker:    “Hello?”

0:02 Sol:             “Hello.”

0:02 Speaker:    “Hi, can I help you, sir?”

0:03 Sol:             “Yes, I need an honest ballot box.”

0:05 Speaker:    “You mean you need a ballot box, sir?”

0:06 Sol:             “Yes.”

0:07 Speaker:    “Is this for an election for a coop, condominium, association?”

0:10 Sol:             “That’s right.”

0:11 Speaker:    “Which is it, which one?”

0:12 Sol:             “That’s the one.”

0:14 Speaker:    “First of all, I can’t rent a box.”

0:16 Sol:             “Does some of these boxes get off path, go astray?”

0:19 Speaker:    “Why would my ballot boxes go astray?”

0:21 Sol:             “Well, you know, hey…”

0:22 Speaker:    “No sweetheart, what we do, we do the election from the beginning to the end. You touch nothing.”

0:26 Sol:             “That’s what I’m lookin to hear.”

0:28 Speaker:    “That’s number one, that’s the answer, okay?”

0:29 Sol:             “Because sometimes if the boxes are made of faulty wood, are not inspected…”

0:32 Speaker:    “These are not wood boxes, sir, we have our own metal boxes, and they stay with us. The only thing that goes to your building, if you have them, are proxies, and a lockbox to put proxies in, and we have the key, that’s all.” *fighting sounds*

0:51 Sol:             “Ah, this gentleman just slapped me, I’m sorry. Go ahead. *fighting sounds*

1:01 Speaker:    “Alright, Mr. Fisher, what’s the name of the condominium? *fighting sounds* Hello?”

1:04 Sol:             “I’m sorry, go ahead, I’m sorry, he slapped me.”

1:08 Speaker:    “That’s not my problem.”

1:09 Sol:             “I’m sorry, go ahead.”

1:10 Speaker:    “No, you tell me, where are you from, sir?”

1:12 Sol:             “I’m from Long Island.”

1:13 Speaker:    “That’s not going to help me.”

1:15 Sol:             “Okay, go ahead.”

1:17 Speaker:    “No, you tell me where you’re from, where’s the condominium?”

1:18 Sol:             “Oceanside.”

1:19 Speaker:    “Oceanside, and what’s the name of it, sir?”

1:21 Sol:             “The condominium?”

1:22 Speaker:    “Yes.”

1:23 Sol:             “It’s Oceanside Estates. Ah!” *fighting sounds*

1:25 Speaker:    “Oceanside Estates.”

1:26 Sol:             “Right.”

1:27 Speaker:    “You’ve never called before?”

1:28 Sol:             “No. *fighting sounds* Ah, ah, ah. Hello?”

1:36 Speaker:    “There’s something wrong with you Mr. Fisher, I don’t understand what you’re doing there. If you can’t talk to me without somebody hitting you, there’s something wrong, alright? I don’t want to be rude.” *fighting sounds*

1:45 Sol:             “Well, that’s why we’re having this whole thing. Ah.”

1:46 Speaker:    “I’m going to be rude, okay? Either you call me when you’re a gentleman and nobody is beating you in the background, okay?”

1:51 Sol:             “He gave me a black eye.”

1:53 Speaker:    “That’s not my problem.”

1:54 Sol:             “Well, that’s what we’re voting about. Ah.”

1:56 Speaker:    “That black eye has nothing to do with me. When you’re ready for an election, you’ll have to call me back. Thank you.

2:00 Sol:             “Well, thank you for all the help.”