Drinking Problem

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Drinking Problem

Characters:

Summary:

The skit is a comical exchange between two voices over the phone, depicting a person seeking help for their supposed drinking problem. Voice 2 initiates the conversation, expressing an interest in resolving their drinking issue after being told by others about it. However, the conversation quickly veers into the caller’s denial about having a problem. They attribute their behavior issues more to a high-strung temperament than to drinking.

Voice 1, presumably a counselor or advisor, suggests attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings or seeing a psychiatrist, attempting to address the underlying issues. Despite the counselor’s efforts to guide Voice 2 toward help, the caller continually deflects, emphasizing their comfort with themselves and dismissing the seriousness of their situation.

Voice 2 oscillates between acknowledging a significant alcohol consumption habit and downplaying its impact by attributing their aggressive behavior to their inherent nature rather than alcohol. They display a lack of self-awareness and resist acknowledging the severity of their drinking or behavioral problems.

The skit humorously highlights the caller’s contradictory statements, denial, and lack of insight into their issues. It ends with Voice 2 abruptly ending the conversation, displaying a stubborn unwillingness to accept help or recognize the need for intervention, despite the evident problems described.

Transcript:

0:01     Phone rings…

0:05     Voice 1: “May I help you?”

0:06     Voice 2: “Yeah. I’d like to straighten out this funny little drinkin’ problem I got.”

0:09     Voice 1: “You’d like to what?”

0:10     Voice 2: “Work on this drinkin’ problem. People tell me I got a drinkin’ problem. I’ve seen your ad.”

0:14     Voice 1: “Yeah. What do you think you have?”

0:16     Voice 2: “Ah, personally, I like it. I don’t think I have much of a problem. Everybody is tellin’ me there must be something wrong here.”

0:21     Voice 1: “Where do you live?”

0:22     Voice 2: “I live in Manhattan.”

0:25     Voice 1: “Well, my only and best suggestion to you…”

0:28     Voice 2: “Yeah. Well, you know, I always get complaints from the wife. You know, I am comin’ around kicking the dog upside down in the apartment, throwing shit around, busting things, you know.”

0:36     Voice 1: “Is that normal behavior for you?”

0:38     Voice 2: “Eh, I have always acted that way since I was young. I always had a bit of a temper. You know, just some guy tells me in the street today I parked a little too close to his car. I busted his jaw for him. I mean, I have always been high-wired like that. So I am not really that – you know, that don’t bother me, that shit. But, you know, if they say I got a drinkin’ problem, we may – we should check into it.”

0:55     Voice 1: “You are the key to it. Why don’t you go to an AA meeting?”

0:59     Voice 2: “Well, I don’t think it’s my drinkin’ so much as my being high-strung. I am level. I throw down at the drop of a hat. You piss me off one way. You go the other way. I put a shoe so far up your ass. I get really pissed off fast. You know, other than a fact, too…”

1:11     Voice 1: “Go to a psychiatrist.”

1:13     Voice 2: “Well, you know what? The fact, too, I drink about a bottle and a half of Jack Daniels a day. I whack down a six-pack at night, you know, to calm my nerves.”

1:19     Voice 1: “Oh, this temper you have when you don’t drink.”

1:22     Voice 2: “My temper is always flaring like a pack of hemorrhoids. I’m nutty. I’m a crazy kind of guy.”

1:27     Voice 1: “Yeah. I can hear that.’

1:28     Voice 2: “I’m swinging at defenses. You know, if you get in my way, I roll right over you. I’m sick. But do you think there is a problem with the drinkin’, huh?”

1:33     Voice 1: “Oh, I can’t answer that. Only you can answer that.”

1:36     Voice 2: “Ah, personally I like myself. I’ll tell you the truth. You are getting on my nerves. I don’t think I need help with anything. I’ll talk to you later.”

1:43     Voice 1: “OK.”

1:44     Voice 2: “OK. See you later there.”