Drinking Problem

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Drinking Problem

Characters:

Summary

Transcript:

0:01     Phone rings…

0:05     Voice 1: “May I help you?”

0:06     Voice 2: “Yeah. I’d like to straighten out this funny little drinkin’ problem I got.”

0:09     Voice 1: “You’d like to what?”

0:10     Voice 2: “Work on this drinkin’ problem. People tell me I got a drinkin’ problem. I’ve seen your ad.”

0:14     Voice 1: “Yeah. What do you think you have?”

0:16     Voice 2: “Ah, personally, I like it. I don’t think I have much of a problem. Everybody is tellin’ me there must be something wrong here.”

0:21     Voice 1: “Where do you live?”

0:22     Voice 2: “I live in Manhattan.”

0:25     Voice 1: “Well, my only and best suggestion to you…”

0:28     Voice 2: “Yeah. Well, you know, I always get complaints from the wife. You know, I am comin’ around kicking the dog upside down in the apartment, throwing shit around, busting things, you know.”

0:36     Voice 1: “Is that normal behavior for you?”

0:38     Voice 2: “Eh, I have always acted that way since I was young. I always had a bit of a temper. You know, just some guy tells me in the street today I parked a little too close to his car. I busted his jaw for him. I mean, I have always been high-wired like that. So I am not really that – you know, that don’t bother me, that shit. But, you know, if they say I got a drinkin’ problem, we may – we should check into it.”

0:55     Voice 1: “You are the key to it. Why don’t you go to an AA meeting?”

0:59     Voice 2: “Well, I don’t think it’s my drinkin’ so much as my being high-strung. I am level. I throw down at the drop of a hat. You piss me off one way. You go the other way. I put a shoe so far up your ass. I get really pissed off fast. You know, other than a fact, too…”

1:11     Voice 1: “Go to a psychiatrist.”

1:13     Voice 2: “Well, you know what? The fact, too, I drink about a bottle and a half of Jack Daniels a day. I whack down a six-pack at night, you know, to calm my nerves.”

1:19     Voice 1: “Oh, this temper you have when you don’t drink.”

1:22     Voice 2: “My temper is always flaring like a pack of hemorrhoids. I’m nutty. I’m a crazy kind of guy.”

1:27     Voice 1: “Yeah. I can hear that.’

1:28     Voice 2: “I’m swinging at defenses. You know, if you get in my way, I roll right over you. I’m sick. But do you think there is a problem with the drinkin’, huh?”

1:33     Voice 1: “Oh, I can’t answer that. Only you can answer that.”

1:36     Voice 2: “Ah, personally I like myself. I’ll tell you the truth. You are getting on my nerves. I don’t think I need help with anything. I’ll talk to you later.”

1:43     Voice 1: “OK.”

1:44     Voice 2: “OK. See you later there.”