Tarbash, the Egyptian Magician

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Egyptian Magician – the woke version

Title: “Socially Conscious Sorcerer”

[Scene: A bustling urban street. A socially conscious individual named Alex is sitting on a bench, engrossed in their book. Suddenly, a person in a vibrant, ethically sourced costume approaches, a “Social Sorcerer” named Sam.]

Sam: Greetings, friend! I sense your energy is in need of upliftment.

Alex: Um, hello there. Can I help you?

Sam: I am Sam, the Social Sorcerer. I offer conscious solutions to your everyday struggles. May I assist you in any way?

Alex: Well, I wasn’t really looking for any magical assistance, but sure, why not?

Sam: Excellent! What seems to be troubling you?

Alex: Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world. There’s so much inequality, injustice, and environmental degradation. It’s disheartening.

Sam: Ah, I understand. Let me channel the energies of compassion and justice to provide you with guidance.

[Sam closes their eyes and raises their hands, focusing on sending positive vibes.]

Sam: (chanting softly) Om, shanti, peace and equity. May the forces of change bring forth unity and sustainability.

Alex: (impressed) Wow, that’s actually quite calming.

Sam: Remember, friend, activism starts within. Engage in mindful consumption, support marginalized communities, and advocate for policies that promote equality and environmental stewardship.

Alex: Thank you, Sam. I’ll definitely keep that in mind.

Sam: It’s my duty as a Social Sorcerer to spread awareness and empower others to create a better world for all beings. If you ever need guidance again, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Alex: I appreciate it. Take care, Sam.

[Sam nods with a warm smile before continuing down the street, spreading their message of social consciousness.]

[End Scene]

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Tarbash’s Car Trouble

Title: “Tarbash’s Ride Dilemma”

[Setting: A busy city street. Tarbash, a conscientious and eco-friendly cab driver, waits in his hybrid vehicle for passengers.]

Tarbash: (Answering a call) Hello, this is Tarbash. How may I assist you on this fine day?

Caller: Yo, I need a ride to the corner of 5th and Elm.

Tarbash: Certainly, my friend. I’ll be happy to transport you to your destination in a sustainable and safe manner. Please provide your exact location, and I’ll be there shortly.

Caller: Great, I’m standing outside the Starbucks on Maple Avenue.

Tarbash: Understood. I’ll be there momentarily.

[Scene transition: Tarbash arrives at the Starbucks. The caller enters the cab.]

Caller: (Getting in) Hey man, thanks for picking me up.

Tarbash: Of course, it’s my pleasure. Please buckle up for safety.

Caller: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just get me to 5th and Elm.

Tarbash: Absolutely. Do you have a preferred route, or shall I take the most efficient path considering traffic patterns and environmental impact?

Caller: Just go the quickest way, man.

Tarbash: Understood. I’ll navigate us to our destination promptly and responsibly.

[The ride progresses. Suddenly, the caller becomes impatient.]

Caller: Yo, why are we stopping? Hurry up, I’m in a rush!

Tarbash: My apologies, but there’s a demonstration ahead. It seems to be advocating for climate action. Would you like me to find an alternate route?

Caller: Nah, just plow through them!

Tarbash: I cannot do that. Respecting the rights of protesters and ensuring everyone’s safety is paramount. I’ll find a detour.

Caller: Ugh, fine.

[They reach the destination.]

Tarbash: Here we are, 5th and Elm. Your total comes to $10.50. Would you like a receipt?

Caller: Nah, just keep the change.

Tarbash: Thank you for your generosity. Have a splendid day, and remember, small acts of kindness towards the planet can make a big difference.

Caller: Yeah, whatever, man.

[Tarbash drives off, satisfied with his eco-conscious approach to driving.]

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Egyptian Magician

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Egyptian Magician

Characters: Tarbash

Summary:

In this skit, Tarbash, who identifies himself as the Egyptian Magician, calls in for an audition at a venue. Carol, the night manager, interacts with Tarbash, who enthusiastically describes his magic act. Tarbash’s act involves eating hot coal, stabbing a customer’s eye with a saber, having his cat maul performers on stage, and lighting people on fire, all while emphasizing that it’s fake and considered magic in his country.

Despite Carol’s surprise and attempts to process the extreme nature of Tarbash’s act, she tentatively allows him to audition for two tricks. Tarbash continues to elaborate, mentioning a disappearing chest trick and the inclusion of a small mountain cat to terrorize people. Carol, understandably concerned, advises against bringing the mountain cat for the first performance.

Tarbash casually suggests choking some faculty staff and introduces the idea of using a whip in his act, to which Carol responds with a resigned “whatever.” Despite the eccentricity of Tarbash’s act and Carol’s reservations, she invites him to stop by for the audition to see how the act goes, albeit cautiously. The exchange highlights the absurdity of Tarbash’s extreme magical concepts and Carol’s bewildered yet accommodating response.

Transcript:

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