Safety Gates
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Safety Gates [Explicit]$1.29
The Jerky Boys, album 3
Title: Safety Gates
Characters: Frank Rizzo
Summary:
“Safety Gates” features Frank Rizzo turning a simple topic into a chaotic prank call. The humor builds through fast escalation and bold reactions. Miscommunication drives the conversation forward. It captures the raw, unscripted style that made the Jerky Boys famous. Fans enjoy its relatable premise and high energy. The call stays engaging from start to finish. It stands out for its nonstop intensity. A memorable piece of classic prank call comedy.
Transcript:
0:01 Phone rings…
0:02 Voice 1: “Hello?”
0:03 Voice 2: “Hello.”
0:04 Voice 1: “Yeah. Nobbies’?”
0:04 Voice 2: “This is Nobbies’.”
0:05 Voice 1: “Yeah. I want some balloons. I got a birthday comin’ up, a big party.”
0:08 Voice 2: “Why don’t you let me connect you to the balloon department?”
0:10 Voice 1: “Well, that’s what I’ve been waiting for.”
0:12 Voice 2: “OK. Just one sec.”
0:13 Voice 1: “Hey, is this…”
0:15 Voice 3: ‘Balloons. How may I help you?”
0:17 Voice 1: “Hey, howdy there, Bozo? What do you say?”
0:19 Voice 3: “Oh, not too bad.”
0:20 Voice 1: “Balloon boy. What is this? Nobbies’?”
0:22 Voice 3: “Yes, sir.”
0:23 Voice 1: “Bobby Nobbie, how do you say there, chief? You know, I got a big party comin’ up. I need some balloons.”
0:28 Voice 3: “OK.”
0:29 Voice 1: “What do you got some of ’em helium jugs, right?”
0:30 Voice 3: “Uh-huh.”
0:31 Voice 1: “Now, what do you fill ’em with there? Helium or like butane there? Some kinda gas or somethin’?”
0:36 Voice 3: “No. It’s helium gas.”
0:37 Voice 1: “Yeah. How big do these things come?”
0:39 V: “Eleven-inch. Once they are inflated, they’ll be 11-inch in diameter.”
0:43 Voice 1: “Eleven-inch. I’m lookin’ for some big ones. I got this – I want to do is you know make my kid feel proud. We got a big house here with the high ceilings.”
0:50 Voice 3: “Uh-huh.”
0:51 Voice 1: “You fix me up with a little bit bigger than that. I want to get the balloons under this kid and float him around the joint in there like in the living room and some shit.”
0:58 Voice 3: “Ah, well. Sixteen-inch, we have those. So it’ll be a bit bigger.”
1:02 Voice 1: “Well, that’s what I’m askin’. You know, I mean, this is not unheard of. You got enough balloons to get your kid floatin’ around the house, you know.”
1:07 Voice 3: “OK.”
1:08 Voice 1: “You know, the other kids they are all waitin’ there and I told them to treat him like a piñata once he is up there in the air. Then you whack him with a stick, they’re going to have some fun the kids, you know.”
1:15 Voice 3: Laughs “OK.”
1:17 Voice 1: “Yeah. Well, I gotta – I need balloons here. You’re laughing at me, you crazy bastard.”
1: 21 Voice 3: “Yeah. How many balloons do you need?”
1:23 Voice 1: “Well, how many would it take to hold up a 65-pound punk?”
1:27 Voice 3: “Oh, geez.”
1:28 Voice 1: “What are we talkin’ about? Two hundred balloons?”
1:32 Voice 3: “I don’t know. Yeah. Probably.”
1:34 Voice 1: “My wife she is cryin’ the fuck blues because I’m going to fuck and you know make the kid have a good time. You know, have a – you know get a couple of beers in this little brat”
1:42 Voice 3: “Yeah.”
1:42 Voice 1: “You know. Fly him around the house. I’ll take a whack at the fuck myself.”
1:45 Voice 3: Man laughs.
1:46 Voice 1: “The kid drives me up the wall nine fuckin’ 24/7, you know.”
1:50 Voice 3: ‘Yeah.”
1:50 Voice 1: “I’m sure you know what I’m talkin’ about, Bob.”
1:52 Voice 3: “Yeah. I’ve been there.”
1:53 Voice 1: “Yeah. Yeah. It’s great. You know what? I just figured I make the kid’s day, you know. Squirt him up while he’s up in the air. Squirt him up with some water, you know. The kids will some high jinks, you know, to try to whack him or throw things at him to get him down, pop the balloons and have some fun.”
2:06 Voice 3: “Yeah. I’d – yeah, probably…”
2:07 Voice 1: “What do you say, Bob?”
2:09 Voice 3: “Yeah. Probably 216-ish will probably…”
2:13 Voice 1: “Float the little bastard around the room, huh?”
2:15 Voice 3: “Keep him going.”
2:15 Voice 1: “Yeah. But now listen I got to make sure I don’t do this outside. I don’t want this kid floatin’ by the door.”
2:20 Voice 3:”Uh-huh.”
2:21 Voice 1: “I mean if this kid takes off, God forbid, he goes out the fuck on the outside there, forget about it. He’s gone. You guys sell any special gates with that like safety gates or some shit?”
2:31 Voice 3: “No, we don’t.”
2:31 Voice 1: “‘Coz that helium gas let’s face it that’s dangerous shit, you know. I mean once in a blue moon there you know you got a guy like you know who want to have fun with his kid like me and then the fuckin’ poor bastard is out the door and up in the air. You know what I’m sayin’?”
2:43 Voice 3: “Yeah.”
2:44 Voice 1: “Float this little bastard up in the living room there. You know, we got a big fuckin’ space, open space. The dogs will be jumpin’ at his fuckin’ feet while he’s floatin’ around the room. Get a little fuckin’ wacky thing goin’.”
2:54 Voice 3: “Yeah.”
2:55 Voice 1: “Yeah. So what are we talkin’ business or what?”
2:57 Voice 3: “Well…”
2:58 Voice 1: “Oh, you know what? You better do ’em, too. Send me over the fuckin’ can of propane. Do you want to do that?”
3:02 Voice 3: “Ah…”
3:03 Voice 1: “The butane, whatever the hell you got there. The butane, propane, whatever the fuck that is your filling – helium, whatever you got.”
3:09 Voice 3: “Yeah?”
3:10 Voice 1: “Yeah. I know the hydrogen they had a fuckin’ problem with that hydrogen shit.”
3:12 Voice 3: “Yeah.”
3:13 Voice 1: “That goes up like a fuckin’ tinder barks.”
3:15 Voice 3: Man laughs.
3:15 Voice 1: “Yeah. Well, it’s great, Bob. Let me talk to the wife and I’ll right back to you. We’ll talk about this fuckin’ silly balloon shit. I’ll get together with her. We’ll fuckin’ square it away and you know we’ll try to make it a surprise with this little fuckin’ punk bastard.”
3:26 Voice 3: “OK.”
3:27 Voice 1: “All right there, Bob.”
3:28 Voice 3: “Uh-huh.”
3:29 Voice 1: “So long there, sailor.”
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Safety Gates [Explicit]$1.29
Safety Gates – A Classic Jerky Boys Prank Call
“Safety Gates” is a perfect example of how the Jerky Boys could turn a routine topic into total comedic chaos. Featuring the unmistakable Frank Rizzo, this prank call starts with a simple safety-related discussion and quickly escalates into a loud, unpredictable exchange.
This is classic Jerky Boys, raw, unscripted, and driven entirely by personality. It’s exactly what made them true crank call legends and a defining force behind classic comedy albums.
What Happens in “Safety Gates”
The call begins with a straightforward premise centered around safety gates, but it doesn’t take long before Frank Rizzo shifts the tone. His aggressive delivery and relentless energy turn the conversation into something far more intense and entertaining.
The humor builds through:
- Miscommunication that escalates quickly
- Over-the-top reactions to simple explanations
- A steady increase in tension and absurdity
- A character who refuses to back down
This is what makes Jerky Boys prank calls so memorable, turning everyday topics into unforgettable comedy.
The Frank Rizzo Signature Style
Frank Rizzo remains one of the most recognizable voices in classic comedy albums, and “Safety Gates” highlights his strengths perfectly.
His performance includes:
- Loud, commanding delivery that dominates the call
- Exaggerated reactions that drive the humor
- Relentless pacing that keeps listeners engaged
- A personality that turns frustration into comedy
This character-driven style helped transform simple recordings into lasting comedy collectibles.
Why Fans Love This
Fans continue to revisit “Safety Gates” because it delivers everything they expect from the Jerky Boys:
- Raw, unscripted humor that feels authentic
- A fast-moving conversation with nonstop escalation
- Frank Rizzo at full intensity
- A relatable topic turned into chaotic comedy
For collectors of Jerky Boys merchandise, this skit is another essential addition.
Perfect For
This prank call is perfect for:
- Fans of classic comedy albums
- Collectors of comedy collectibles
- Anyone exploring custom prank calls
- Listeners who enjoy bold, character-driven humor
Whether you’re discovering the Jerky Boys or revisiting their most memorable calls, this track delivers a standout experience.
Get stylish outfits inspired by the Jerky Boys’ humor.
A Piece of Comedy History
The Jerky Boys built their legacy by taking simple, everyday ideas and pushing them to the limit. Their prank calls became cultural moments that still resonate today.
“Safety Gates” reflects that approach perfectly. It’s raw, direct, and powered entirely by personality. That authenticity is what keeps fans coming back.
Owning or revisiting this skit means adding another piece of classic comedy history to your collection.