Mining For Scotty – Frank Rizzo

The Jerky Boys, album 4

Title: Mining For Scotty

Characters: Frank Rizzo

Summary: 

“Mining Scotty” features Frank Rizzo turning a simple interaction into a high-energy prank call. The conversation starts normally but quickly escalates. Aggressive delivery drives the humor forward. Miscommunication adds tension and unpredictability. Frank’s bold personality dominates every exchange. The pacing stays fast and intense throughout. Fans enjoy its raw and chaotic energy. A classic example of high-impact Jerky Boys comedy.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings

0:02  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, mining company?”

0:03 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

0:04  Frank Rizzo: “You do any mining?”

0:05 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

0:06  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah I wanna dig underneath Manhattan, yeah underneath my building.”

0:11 Mining Company Man: “Oh, so could you…”

0:13  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, that’s right. That’s correct.”

0:15 Mining Company Man: “Oh…”

0:16  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:17 Mining Company Man: “Could you send the ahh… fax… ahh.”

0:23  Frank Rizzo: “Well do you know what I’m lookin’ for?”

0:24 Mining Company Man: “Hm?”

0:25  Frank Rizzo: “Dilithium crystals.”

0:27 Mining Company Man: “Yeah…”

0:29  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. You ever mine that before?”

0:31 Mining Company Man: “Uhh no in- in the United States.”

0:34  Frank Rizzo: “Not in the United States, huh?”

0:35 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

0:36  Frank Rizzo: “I see. Well they have that in Japan?”

0:38 Mining Company Man: “Yes, Japan.”

0:40  Frank Rizzo: “Oh, so you guys are big with the dilithium crystals?”

0:42 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

0:43  Frank Rizzo: “So then you must’ve met Captain Kirk.”

0:45 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

0:46  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, I would imagine so. Yeah, you know Scotty installs all that stuff.”

0:50 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

0:51  Frank Rizzo: “You know?”

0:52 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

0:53  Frank Rizzo: “He’s pretty, he’s pretty good at it. You know?”

0:56 Mining Company Man: “Please send ahhh the fax you mentioned.”

1:02  Frank Rizzo: “You want me to send a guy over?”

1:04 Mining Company Man: “Uh huh.”

1:05  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah that wouldn’t be a problem.”

1:06 Mining Company Man: “Yeah. Uh could you send me ah fa-”

1:09  Frank Rizzo: “I’ll send you whatever you want. What do you want a dozen roses or something?”

1:11 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

1:12  Frank Rizzo: “What are yah lookin for? Anything you want you got it.”

1:15 *weird sound and a popping noise*

1:17  Frank Rizzo: “Oop. Hello? Hello?”

1:19 Mining Company Man: “Hello.”

1:20  Frank Rizzo: “Wh-what happened?”

1:21 Mining Company Man: “What happened?”

1:23  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, you okay?”

1:24 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

1:25  Frank Rizzo: “Ok.”

1:25 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

1:26  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. You feel like flying.”

1:29 Mining Company Man: “Mmmm no ah faster. Ah noo ah… I like to know ahhh your idea.”

1:37  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah my ideas are pretty, ah pretty strange. You ever do warp two?”

1:41 Mining Company Man: “Mhm.”

1:42  Frank Rizzo: “Oh you did? Then this wouldn’t be anything new for you. You know? So what I’m saying is old hat. You’ve already done it.”

1:48 Mining Company Man: “If you have a concrete idea please send me a tele-fax.”

1:54  Frank Rizzo: “Nah I think the Italians got that covered. You know?”

1:57 Mining Company Man: “Hm?”

1:58  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. That’s not my, yah know gig. You know what I mean?”

2:01 Mining Company Man: “Uh huh.”

2:02  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah well that’s for, that’s for the Italians. They got that all covered up there. You see?”

2:07 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:08  Frank Rizzo: “Like you know, what I’m sayin?”

2:09 Mining Company Man: “Hm.”

2:10  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, we’ll get together and have some sushi.”

2:12 Mining Company Man: *laughter*

2:13  Frank Rizzo: “Nice right?”

2:14 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:15  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah real nice with the little- finger food there they call it, right?”

2:19 Mining Company Man: “Yeah haha.”

2:20  Frank Rizzo: “So what do you say we mine together? You know we get all sweaty, nice down there in the tunnels.”

2:24 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

2:25  Frank Rizzo: “You know we dig out the dilithium and we get all sweaty and we get- we look like tough guys.”

2:30 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:31  Frank Rizzo: “Ehhh? We wear those little helmets, little pair of shorts.”

2:34 Mining Company Man: “Mmmm for the time being.”

2:35  Frank Rizzo: “Ok we will wear them for the time being and then when we get down there and it gets a little cool we’ll throw some heavy slacks on. Alright?”

2:41 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

2:42  Frank Rizzo: “Alright there, ok nutty. Look I gotta run, I gotta run now but we’ll get together and do some mining, ok.”

2:48 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:49  Frank Rizzo: “Ok? I love you buddy see you later.”

2:52 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”