Masturbation Box

The Jerky Boys, Stop Staring at Me!

Title: Masturbation Box

Characters: Sol Rosenberg




0:01 Voice 1: “Hello.”…
0:02 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:03: Voice 1: “Hi”

0:04 Voice 2: “Hi”

0:05 Voice 1: “Can you weld a box for me?”

0:09 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:10 Voice 1: “A steel box.”

0:12 Voice 2: “Yes. Would you be able to bring it in?”

0:14 Voice 1: “No, it’s a big one. It’s heavy.”

0:17 Voice 2: “We would have to come to you?”

0:19 Voice 1: “Yes. Please stop those people from talking. I can’t hear you.”

0:24 Voice 2: “Okay. Can you hold one second?”

0:25 Voice 1: “Please.”

0:29 Voice 1:  “Hello.”

0:30 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:31 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:32 Voice 2: “Okay. We would have to come see you. I can give you our labor rates. What kind of box is this and where is it?”

0:38 Voice 1: “I brought the steel myself. It’s very heavy. It’s a box. I just need you to weld it together.”

0:46 Voice 2: “Can you hold one second?”

0:50 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:51 Voice 2: “Yes. Can I have your name?”

0:52 Voice 1: “Yes. My name is Sol.”

0:55 Voice 2: “Sol?”

0:56 Sol: “Sol. Damn you! Sol”

0:58 Voice 2: [Laughs]”Who is this?”

1:01 Sol: “Sol.”

1:02 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

1:03 Sol: “This is Sol Rosenberg. Hello!”

1:07 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:08 Sol: “Yes. Hi”

1:09 Voice 2: “Hi”

1:10 Sol: “Hello, ma’am”

1:11: Voice 2: “Hi.”

1:12 Sol: “Yes.”

1:13 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

1:14: Sol:” “It’s Sol!”

1:15 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:16 Sol: “C’mon, Please stop.”

1:18 Voice 2: [Laughs] “Yes.”

1:20 Sol: “Oh God! Oh Christ! Hello?”

1:24 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

1:26 Sol: “Hi, Hi”

1:27 Voice 2: “Hi”

1:28 Sol: “Please.”

1:29 Voice 2: “Please what?”

1:30 Sol: “Will you make me the box?”

1:35 Voice 3: “Hello”

1:36 Sol: “Yes.”

1:37 Voice 3: “Yes.”

1:38 Sol: “I want it just big enough so that I can fit inside of it.”

1:41 Voice 3: “That you could fit inside of it?”

1:43 Sol: “Yes. And I could…”

1:44 Voice 3: “What are you making? A box?”

1:47 Sol: “Yes, a box that I could be fit inside, welded in there, so I can masturbate.”

1:51 Voice 3: “Oh really!”[Laughs]

1:52 Sol: “Yes.”

1:53 Voice 3:”That’s a joke.”

1:54 Sol: ‘Stop it.”

1:55 Voice 3: “Why would you want to be a box to masturbate?”[Laughs]

2:00 Sol: “Stop! Stop laughing at me please.”

2:03 Voice 3: “I can’t “

2:05 Sol: “Stop.”

2:06 Voice 3: “I can’t.”

2:07 Sol: “I want a box please.”

2:08 Voice 3: “You want a box? What kind of box?”

2:10 Sol:  “Where I can punch you in the mouth.”

2:13 Voice 3: “Yeah? And I punch… I kick in your ass.”

2:15 Sol: “You know how people fight? I would slug you right in the gut.”

2:18 Voice 3: “Oh really?”

2:19 Sol: “I’ll hit you in the gut then I would punch you right in your mouth.”

2:21: Voice 3: “If you have so many… so much guts, why don’t you come over here and do it in person?”

2:25 Sol:” Oh, no, no. I don’t want you to fight. It’s an idea.”

2:28 Voice 3: “Oh, it’s an idea, eh?”

2:29 Sol: “Like inside the box. “

2:30 Voice 3: “Oh, inside the box?”

2:31 Sol: “Yes.”

2:32 Voice 3: “Yeah.”

2:33 Sol: “Would you be in there with me?”

2:34 Voice 3: “No.”

2:35 Sol: “We could masturbate in the box.”

2:36 Voice 3: “No. I don’t need to masturbate in the box.”

2:38 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

2:38 Sol: “Hello.”

2:39 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

2:41 Sol: “Hi. I’m trying to build a box ma’am.”

2:44 Voice 2: “First you wanted to weld the box. Now you want to build the box. Which one is it?”

2:48 Sol: “I have the steel. You just need to weld it.”

2:49 Voice 3: “You need to weld to hide inside of it.”

2:52 Voice 2: “Oh, that kind of box? Who is this? Who is this?”

2:55 Sol: “Okay.”

2:56 Voice 2: “I’m going to hang up on you”

2:57 Sol: “Let me make it straight. My name is Sol.”

2:58 Voice 2: “I’m going to hang up on you.”

2:59 Sol: “My name is Sol.”

3:00 Voice 2: “How could you? It’s [Inaudible 03:02] your brother in law.”

3:04 Sol; “No, no, no. Not Sal, my name is Sol.”

3:08 Voice 4” “Hey idiot.”

3:10 Voice 2: “Sol?”

3:11 Sol: “Yes.”

3:12 Voice 2: “Who did you put on the phone? Who is that?”

3:14 Sol: “You see my wife.”

3:15 Voice 2: “What?”

3:17 Sol: “Who’s that?

3:18 Voice 4: “Hey idiot.”

3:19 Sol: “Get off the phone you stupid bastard!”

3:22 [Laughter]

3:23 Voice 4: “Who is that?”

3:24 Sol: “Hello.”

3:25 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

3:27 Sol: “Please… This is Sol.”

3:29 Voice 2: “No, it’s not.”

3:30 Sol: “My name is Sol Rosenberg.”

3:31 Voice 2: “No, it’s not. I want to know who this is.”

3:33 Sol: “I’m telling you.”

3:35 Voice 4: “What do you want idiot?”

3:36 Sol: “Get off the phone you stupid bastard.”

3:38 [Laughter]

3:44 Sol: “Hello.”

3:45 Voice 4: “Hello.”

3:46 Sol: “What is this ass doing on the phone? I was speaking to the girls not you.”

3:50 Voice 2: “He’s not an ass. You are.”

3:51 Sol: “He’s a piece of shit.”

3:52 Voice 2: “You’re not being truthful with me. I want to know who this is because I’m going to hang up.”

3:56 Sol: “What is he, a big tough guy?”

3:58 Voice 2: “That’s right. He’s a big tough guy and you should be scared.”

4:00 Sol: “He’s a piece of shit.”

4:02 Voice 2: “Ooh”

4:03 Voice 4: “Hey, [Inaudible 04:03], get the caller id number.”

4:05 Sol: “Oh, I’m scared. Oh, I’m real scared, you piece of shit!

4:10 Voice 2: [Laughs]

4:11 Sol: “Get the caller id number. Oh boy! I’m so scared, you piece of shit!”

4:17 Voice 4: “Who is this [Inaudible 04:18]”

4:19 Sol: “I’m going to call the police on you. That’s it! I’m calling the police on you, sons of bitches!”

4:24 Voice 2: “That’s nice.”

4:25 Sol: “I’m calling the police. I’ve had enough!”

4:27 Voice 2: “Okay.”

4:28 Sol: “You couldn’t make me the box, could you?”

4:29 Voice 2: “No.”

4:30 Voice 3: “Where’s the box? Where’s the steel?”
4:31 Sol: “I just wanted a box big enough to…

4:34 Voice 3: “Yeah, yeah. Bring the box, bring the steel. We’ll weld you in there and just so you won’t be able to come out ever again.”

4:40 Sol: “I just wanted to put my wife’s fat ass in the box and sink it to the bottom of the sea.”

4:44 Voice 3: “I thought you wanted to masturbate in the box.”

4:47: Sol: “Wll, I masturbate in the box before she goes in the damn thing.”

4:51 Voice 3: “Oh, really!”[Laughs]

4:52 Sol: “And then I’ll throw her fat ass in the box and send her sea [Inaudible 04:56] Hello!”

4:57 Voice 3: “Yeah.”

4:58 Sol: “Hi”

4:59 Voice 3: “Hi.”

5:01 Sol: “You’re a filthy woman!”

5:02 Voice 3: “Just like you, I’m talking to you just like you are talking to me.”

5:05 Voice 2: “Are you going to tell me who this is now?”

5:07 Sol: “I said it’s Sol.”

5:09 Voice 2 hangs up the phone.