Masturbation Box

The Jerky Boys, Stop Staring at Me!

Title: Masturbation Box

Characters: Sol Rosenberg

Summary:

Sol wants a heavy steel box welded. He will not bring it in. They have to come to him. His name is Sol Rosenberg, and he has to say it more than once.

Transcript:

0:01 Voice 1: “Hello.”…

0:02 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:03: Voice 1: “Hi”

0:04 Voice 2: “Hi”

0:05 Voice 1: “Can you weld a box for me?”

0:09 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:10 Voice 1: “A steel box.”

0:12 Voice 2: “Yes. Would you be able to bring it in?”

0:14 Voice 1: “No, it’s a big one. It’s heavy.”

0:17 Voice 2: “We would have to come to you?”

0:19 Voice 1: “Yes. Please stop those people from talking. I can’t hear you.”

0:24 Voice 2: “Okay. Can you hold one second?”

0:25 Voice 1: “Please.”

0:29 Voice 1:  “Hello.”

0:30 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:31 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:32 Voice 2: “Okay. We would have to come see you. I can give you our labor rates. What kind of box is this and where is it?”

0:38 Voice 1: “I brought the steel myself. It’s very heavy. It’s a box. I just need you to weld it together.”

0:46 Voice 2: “Can you hold one second?”

0:50 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:51 Voice 2: “Yes. Can I have your name?”

0:52 Voice 1: “Yes. My name is Sol.”

0:55 Voice 2: “Sol?”

0:56 Sol: “Sol. Damn you! Sol”

0:58 Voice 2: [Laughs]”Who is this?”

1:01 Sol: “Sol.”

1:02 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

1:03 Sol: “This is Sol Rosenberg. Hello!”

1:07 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:08 Sol: “Yes. Hi”

1:09 Voice 2: “Hi”

1:10 Sol: “Hello, ma’am”

1:11: Voice 2: “Hi.”

1:12 Sol: “Yes.”

1:13 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

1:14: Sol:” “It’s Sol!”

1:15 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:16 Sol: “C’mon, Please stop.”

1:18 Voice 2: [Laughs] “Yes.”

1:20 Sol: “Oh God! Oh Christ! Hello?”

1:24 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

1:26 Sol: “Hi, Hi”

1:27 Voice 2: “Hi”

1:28 Sol: “Please.”

1:29 Voice 2: “Please what?”

1:30 Sol: “Will you make me the box?”

1:35 Voice 3: “Hello”

1:36 Sol: “Yes.”

1:37 Voice 3: “Yes.”

1:38 Sol: “I want it just big enough so that I can fit inside of it.”

1:41 Voice 3: “That you could fit inside of it?”

1:43 Sol: “Yes. And I could…”

1:44 Voice 3: “What are you making? A box?”

1:47 Sol: “Yes, a box that I could be fit inside, welded in there, so I can masturbate.”

1:51 Voice 3: “Oh really!”[Laughs]

1:52 Sol: “Yes.”

1:53 Voice 3:”That’s a joke.”

1:54 Sol: ‘Stop it.”

1:55 Voice 3: “Why would you want to be a box to masturbate?”[Laughs]

2:00 Sol: “Stop! Stop laughing at me please.”

2:03 Voice 3: “I can’t “

2:05 Sol: “Stop.”

2:06 Voice 3: “I can’t.”

2:07 Sol: “I want a box please.”

2:08 Voice 3: “You want a box? What kind of box?”

2:10 Sol:  “Where I can punch you in the mouth.”

2:13 Voice 3: “Yeah? And I punch… I kick in your ass.”

2:15 Sol: “You know how people fight? I would slug you right in the gut.”

2:18 Voice 3: “Oh really?”

2:19 Sol: “I’ll hit you in the gut then I would punch you right in your mouth.”

2:21: Voice 3: “If you have so many… so much guts, why don’t you come over here and do it in person?”

2:25 Sol:” Oh, no, no. I don’t want you to fight. It’s an idea.”

2:28 Voice 3: “Oh, it’s an idea, eh?”

2:29 Sol: “Like inside the box. “

2:30 Voice 3: “Oh, inside the box?”

2:31 Sol: “Yes.”

2:32 Voice 3: “Yeah.”

2:33 Sol: “Would you be in there with me?”

2:34 Voice 3: “No.”

2:35 Sol: “We could masturbate in the box.”

2:36 Voice 3: “No. I don’t need to masturbate in the box.”

2:38 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

2:38 Sol: “Hello.”

2:39 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

2:41 Sol: “Hi. I’m trying to build a box ma’am.”

2:44 Voice 2: “First you wanted to weld the box. Now you want to build the box. Which one is it?”

2:48 Sol: “I have the steel. You just need to weld it.”

2:49 Voice 3: “You need to weld to hide inside of it.”

2:52 Voice 2: “Oh, that kind of box? Who is this? Who is this?”

2:55 Sol: “Okay.”

2:56 Voice 2: “I’m going to hang up on you”

2:57 Sol: “Let me make it straight. My name is Sol.”

2:58 Voice 2: “I’m going to hang up on you.”

2:59 Sol: “My name is Sol.”

3:00 Voice 2: “How could you? It’s [Inaudible 03:02] your brother in law.”

3:04 Sol; “No, no, no. Not Sal, my name is Sol.”

3:08 Voice 4” “Hey idiot.”

3:10 Voice 2: “Sol?”

3:11 Sol: “Yes.”

3:12 Voice 2: “Who did you put on the phone? Who is that?”

3:14 Sol: “You see my wife.”

3:15 Voice 2: “What?”

3:17 Sol: “Who’s that?

3:18 Voice 4: “Hey idiot.”

3:19 Sol: “Get off the phone you stupid bastard!”

3:22 [Laughter]

3:23 Voice 4: “Who is that?”

3:24 Sol: “Hello.”

3:25 Voice 2: “Who is this?”

3:27 Sol: “Please… This is Sol.”

3:29 Voice 2: “No, it’s not.”

3:30 Sol: “My name is Sol Rosenberg.”

3:31 Voice 2: “No, it’s not. I want to know who this is.”

3:33 Sol: “I’m telling you.”

3:35 Voice 4: “What do you want idiot?”

3:36 Sol: “Get off the phone you stupid bastard.”

3:38 [Laughter]

3:44 Sol: “Hello.”

3:45 Voice 4: “Hello.”

3:46 Sol: “What is this ass doing on the phone? I was speaking to the girls not you.”

3:50 Voice 2: “He’s not an ass. You are.”

3:51 Sol: “He’s a piece of shit.”

3:52 Voice 2: “You’re not being truthful with me. I want to know who this is because I’m going to hang up.”

3:56 Sol: “What is he, a big tough guy?”

3:58 Voice 2: “That’s right. He’s a big tough guy and you should be scared.”

4:00 Sol: “He’s a piece of shit.”

4:02 Voice 2: “Ooh”

4:03 Voice 4: “Hey, [Inaudible 04:03], get the caller id number.”

4:05 Sol: “Oh, I’m scared. Oh, I’m real scared, you piece of shit!

4:10 Voice 2: [Laughs]

4:11 Sol: “Get the caller id number. Oh boy! I’m so scared, you piece of shit!”

4:17 Voice 4: “Who is this [Inaudible 04:18]”

4:19 Sol: “I’m going to call the police on you. That’s it! I’m calling the police on you, sons of bitches!”

4:24 Voice 2: “That’s nice.”

4:25 Sol: “I’m calling the police. I’ve had enough!”

4:27 Voice 2: “Okay.”

4:28 Sol: “You couldn’t make me the box, could you?”

4:29 Voice 2: “No.”

4:30 Voice 3: “Where’s the box? Where’s the steel?”
4:31 Sol: “I just wanted a box big enough to…

4:34 Voice 3: “Yeah, yeah. Bring the box, bring the steel. We’ll weld you in there and just so you won’t be able to come out ever again.”

4:40 Sol: “I just wanted to put my wife’s fat ass in the box and sink it to the bottom of the sea.”

4:44 Voice 3: “I thought you wanted to masturbate in the box.”

4:47: Sol: “Wll, I masturbate in the box before she goes in the damn thing.”

4:51 Voice 3: “Oh, really!”[Laughs]

4:52 Sol: “And then I’ll throw her fat ass in the box and send her sea [Inaudible 04:56] Hello!”

4:57 Voice 3: “Yeah.”

4:58 Sol: “Hi”

4:59 Voice 3: “Hi.”

5:01 Sol: “You’re a filthy woman!”

5:02 Voice 3: “Just like you, I’m talking to you just like you are talking to me.”

5:05 Voice 2: “Are you going to tell me who this is now?”

5:07 Sol: “I said it’s Sol.”

5:09 Voice 2 hangs up the phone.

The Box – Sol Rosenberg

Johnny Brennan is Sol Rosenberg. He brought the steel. He needs it welded. He would like the people in the background to stop talking.

Related reading: Frank's Pickles; Synchronized Swimming; Big Hock.