Big Hock

The Jerky Boys, Stop Staring at Me!

Title: Big Hock

Characters: Frank Rizzo, Jake

Summary:

The skit features a phone conversation between Jake and Frank, with Frank claiming to be an aspiring professional football player seeking representation. Frank insists he’s a talented semi-pro fullback, playing for the Bayside Raiders, though there’s confusion about the team name and his nickname, “Big Hock” being mistaken for something else.

Frank boasts about his prowess, citing his weight, strength, and willingness to “walk through walls” for the team. He’s eager for an agent, willing to offer a hefty 20% commission, emphasizing his dream to play in the NSL (likely NFL). Jake, seemingly a representative, navigates the conversation with humor, at times misunderstanding Frank’s words or deliberately twisting them, leading to playful banter.

Frank’s exaggerated claims, mixed with confusion about his nickname and team, create a comedic exchange. Despite Jake’s attempts to redirect the conversation and handle Frank’s eccentricities, Frank remains persistent and enthusiastic, showcasing his determination to achieve his dream of playing professional football.

The skit revolves around Frank’s overconfident yet endearing personality, his persistence in wanting representation, and Jake’s patient, witty handling of the conversation’s humorous twists and turns.

Transcript:

 

0:03 Jake: ‘Hello.”

0:04 Frank: “Hello.”

0:05 Jake: “Yeah.”

0:07 Frank: “I’m calling about the ad in the Village Voice.”

0:09 Jake: “Who’s this?”

0:10 Frank: “Hello. My name is Frank.”

0:12 Jake: “Frank, who?”

0:13 Frank: “Frank [Inaudible 00:14]

0:15: Jake: “Yeah. From where?”

0:16 Frank: “I live in Brooklyn.”

0:17 Jake:  “Okay.”

0:19 Frank: “I… I think I’m good enough. I could be a professional football player easy. I’m telling you, I play semi pro ball. I’m good. I’m good. I’m a full back.”

0:28 Jake: “Alright. You’re a semi pro out of where?”

0:30 Frank: “Semi pro out of [Inaudible 00:30]. Actually, I play in Queens. I play for Bayside. You ever hear the Raiders?

0:35 Jake: “Oh, you play for Kanasi.”

0:36 Frank: “No, I ain’t play for Kanasi. I play Bayside Raiders.”

0:39 Jake: “Oh, I got you. The Cornwall Dragons”

0:40 Frank: “That’s the ones.”

0:42 Jake: “Aha!”

0:43 Frank”: [Laughs] No, the Raiders, Bayside Raiders. You heard of them, right?”

0:45 Jake: “Oh, they’re a good team.”

0:46 Frank: “They’re all good. I play for them.”

0:47 Jake: “Oh, yeah?”

0:48 Frank: “I play for them. I’m their fullback. I’m the best.”

0:50 Jake: “Oh, you’re the fullback in… What was it, ’77 through ’82?”

0:54 Frank: “No. I’m the full back now. What you talkin’ about ’77- ’82? ’77- ’82, I was a kid. I was in high school in 1984.

1:02 Jake: “Big Charlie?”

1:03 Frank: “Charlie who?”

1:05 Jake: “That’s what they call you on the team, Big Charlie?”

1:08 Frank: “They call me Big Hock.”

1:10 Jake: “Hawkins?”

1:12 Frank: “No, Hock. H-O-C-K.”

1:14 Jake: “Okay. Big Cock”

1:15 Frank”:”No. Hock. That’s what they call me, Big Hock”

1:18 Jake: “Big Hock, okay. I thought it was a nickname amongst the guys, you know big cock.”

1:22 Frank: “Well that too but you know…”

1:23 Jake: “You know you guys in the locker room.”

1:25 Frank: “Nickname was Big Hock”

1:26 Jake: “Alright, c’mon.”

1:27 Frank: “Call me Big Hock. Everybody knows me. I’m the fullback on the team. I’m telling you. I’m telling you right now. If you’re an agent and you get 10%, you’re gonna make money with me because I’m gonna go pro. I’m telling you.”

1:36 Jake:”Well, I don’t doubt that but I don’t get 10%, I get 20%.”

1:40 Frank: “I’ll pay 20% if you can definitely get me on the team. You gotta understand. It’s been my dream to play in the NSL my whole life. I gotta go.”

1:48 Jake: “Alright. Then you want to talk to Mr. Silverman.”

1:50 Frank: “That’s who I wanted to call. [Inaudible 01:51] Silverman.”

1:53 Jake:”You want to call back in about maybe 5. He’ll be in from lunch.”

1:57 Frank: “He may be in from lunch. Why 5 minutes. Can I speak to him now?”

2:00 Jake: “Oh, he’s out to lunch now.”

2:02 Frank: “Who’s this?”

2:03 Jake: “This is Jake. I work for Mr. Silverman.”

2:05 Frank: “Jake. You work for Mr. Silverman.?”

2:06 Jake: “Right.”

2:07 Frank: “Can you write my information down?”

2:08 Jake: “Alright. Give me your name.”

2:10 Frank: “I told you already.”

2:11 Jake: “Go ahead.”

2:12 Frank: “My name is Frank. Frank [Inaudible 02:13]

2:14 Jake: ‘Alright, Frank.”

2:15 Frank: “Frank [Inaudible 02:17]

2:18 Jake: “Frank Mcanna.”

2:19 Frank: “[Inaudible 02:19] I’m the fullback.”

2:20 Jake: Frank [Inaudible 02:20], the fullback.”

2:21 Frank: “That’s right.”

2:22 Jake: “Alright. That’s how we should remember you or…?

2:24 Frank: “Frank [Inaudible 02:24] the full back. Let me tell you. Around my neighborhood, everybody knows me.”

2:29 Jake: “Okay.”

2:30 Frank: “Everyone knows. I’m Frank [Inaudible 02:31]. They call me Big Hock.”

2:32 Jake: “Okay. Frank [Inaudible 02:33] fullback. They call him Big Cock. Okay, go ahead.”

2:37 Frank: “They call me Big Hock.”

2:38 Jake: “Alright, Big Hock.”

2:39 Frank: “I never said Big Cock.”

2:40 Jake: “Okay. Now…”

2:41 Frank: “What you playin’ a game with me?”

2:42 Jake: “Now what do you weigh? Where do you go?”

2:44 Frank: “I weigh 245. I got hamstrings like animals.”

2:46 Jake: “Okay. And…”

2:47 Frank: “Animals… [Inaudible 02:48] I walk through walls, I’m telling you. You give me the shot, I’m going to walk through the walls for you.”

2:53 Jake: “Okay.”

2:54 Frank: “245 pounds. I’m bowling over.”

2:56 Jake: “Alright. Give me the rest of your number.”

2:58 Frank: “What number?”

2:59 Jake: “Where we can reach you.”

3:00 Frank: “718. I’m not there now but I’ll give you the number. 2…

3:03 Jake: ‘Right.”

3:04 Frank: “4…”

3:05 Jake: “Okay.”

3:08 Frank: “You call me up there, man. I’m telling you.”

3:09 Jake: “Alright.”

3:10 Frank: “You’re going to make money with me. 20% in the bank”

3:11    Jake: “Okay. Frank [Inaudible 03:11]”

3:12 Frank: “Exactly!”

3: 13 Jake: “What are you, an old Irishman?’

3:15 Frank: ““I am Irish, Irish and Scottish.”

3:17 Jake: “Attaboy!”

3:18 Frank: “That’s right. I drink ‘em down. I knock them down after the games like crazy, man. We’re gonna go nuts.”

3:22 Jake: “Oh, we know those Irish guys are tough, right?:”

3:25 Frank: “Irish guys… We’re all tough baby. We’re all tough. I put my head through walls.”

3:29 Jake: “Well, that’s the kind of guy we need to play in the big league.”

3:31 Frank: “That’s what I need. I need to play. I need to play”

3:33 Jake: “Alright. We’ll get back to you, Frank.”

3:34 Frank: “Thanks a lot, Jake.”

3:35 Jake: “Okay.”

3:36 Frank: “Bye bye!”