The Home Wrecker

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: The Home Wrecker

Characters: Jocko Johnson



0:00 Phone rings..
0:02 Voice 1: “Good afternoon. Can I help you?”

0:03 Jocko Johnson: “Yeah. I’d like to speak to demolition.”

0:05 Voice 1: “Ahh, yes. Demolition. Okay, you’re looking for Ron. Ron is not in at this moment, but I could have him call you.”

0:11 Jocko Johnson: “Well, look. Here’s the problem there toots!”

0:13 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

0:13 Jocko Johnson: “My old lady left me, you see and I want to even with her. I want to… I want you people to break a goddamn house down.”

0:20 Voice 1: “Uh-huh! Okay. Where is this house located?”

0:24 Jocko Johnson: “It’s located there on 69th Street and Metropolitan Avenue.”

2:28 Voice 1: “Sixty-ninth Street and Metropolitan?”

0:31 Jocko Johnson: “Yeah. That’s in Queens.”

0:32 Voice 1: “Metropolitan and the [Inaudible 00:34] in Queens. Ahh, whereabouts? Where … near where?”

0:40 Voice 1: “It’s a little… small, little house. It’s black. It’s a tiny little house, right.”

0:45 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 00:45].”

0:46 Jocko Johnson: “It’s right on the corner there. It’s 6903. She left me. I… I want the fuckin’ thing thrown down now. I want to put up a… the hot dog stand or some shit.”

0:56 Voice 1: “Right, right. Okay…uh, what is your name?”

1:00 Jocko Johnson: “Right now… here’s the problem there.”

1:02 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:03 Jocko Johnson: “I want you people doin’ as fast as possible….”

1:06 Voice 1: “Right.”

1:06 Jocko Johnson: “…’cos she’s away on a trip.”

1:08 Voice 1: “Okay… and what is your name?”

1:11 Jocko Johnson: “Alright there, miss.”

1:12 Voice 1: “Hello.”

1:13 Jocko Johnson: “Yeah, it’s Jocko.”

1:15 Voice 1: “Jocko?”

1:16 Jocko Johnson: “Jocko Johnson.”

1:17 Voice 2: “Who?”

1:18 Voice 1: “Alrighty and your phone number.”

1:21 Jocko Johnson: “Alright then, so it’s… listen.”

1:23 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. Mr. Johnson!”

1:25 Jocko Johnson: “Yeah.”

1:26 Voice 1: “Okay, I would need a number so…”

1:27 Jocko Johnson: “Okay then. It’s…”

1:28 Two honks

1:29 Jocko Johnson: “Six-nine-one-three-seven. Ask for Jocko.”

1:33 Voice 1: “Three-seven… okay, Jocko.”

1:35 Some background noise

1:36 Voice 1: “Jocko. Uh and you will like this service done as soon as possible?”

1:40 Jocko Johnson: “Yeah, I want you to tear the goddamn thing down as soon as possible ’cos I want her to have the biggest surprise of her life.”

1:48 Voice 1: “Life… I understand. Okay, what I’m going to do is I’m going to give this message to my boss. I’m going to have him call ya as soon as possible, alright?”

1:56 Jocko Johnson: “Alright there sweet cakes.”

1:57 Voice 1: “[Inaudible 01:57].”

1:58 Jocko Johnson: “[Inaudible 01:58] listen here. What do you say after we do dis thing me and you get together?”

2:03 Voice 1: “I don’t know.”

2:04 Jocko Johnson: “You have a cute voice.”

2:05 Voice 1: “Thank you.”

2:06 Jocko Johnson: “Well, you know maybe when I knock down this fuckin’ joint and put up a hot dog stand, maybe you could run it.”

2:12 Voice 1: “Oh that would be nice. That would be very nice.”

2:15 Jocko Johnson: “Are your fingers good?”

2:16 Voice 1: “Excuse me.”

2:17 Voice 1: “Are your fingers good ’cos you need good fingers to handle hot dogs.”

2:20 Voice 1: “Uh, I’m sure [Inaudible 02:21].”

2:23 Jocko Johnson: “’Cos I got one of those big ones.”

2:25 Voice 1: “Alrighty. Okay, I’ll have him call you.”

2:27 Jocko Johnson: “Alright there, sweet tits.”

2:29 Voice 1: “Yes. Bye-bye.”