The Gay Model

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: The Gay Model




0:00 Phone rings..
0:01 Crystal: “Hello.”

0:02 Voice 1: “Hello Crystal.”

0:03 Crystal: “Who’s this?”

0:04 Voice 1: “Uhh, this is a friend. Listen, I was told to call you…”

0:07 Crystal: “Okay.”

0:08 Voice 1: “…for a modeling job.”

0:09 Crystal: “Yes.”

0:10 Voice 1: “I wanna to show you my goods.”

0:12 Crystal: “You will need to…”

0:14 Voice 1: “Yes, I want to come in and just give it all. I want to show you what I’m  capable of.”

0:17 Crystal: “Oh, excellent! Really fantastic! Why don’t you just come in, okay? I’ll give you the address. Uh, how tall are you?”

0:25 Voice 1: “Pardon?”

0:26 Crystal: “How tall are you?

0:26 Voice 1: “Oh, I’m approximately 6 foot 1.”

0:29 Crystal: “Oh, wow! Excellent! Have you ever done runway?”

0:32 Voice 1: “Uh, runway is just old hat to me sweetheart.”

0:35 Crystal: “Laughter… ahh!”

0:37 Voice 1: “Let me… let me tell you what I really do. I soak myself in lamp oil and then I burn myself in front of the crowd.”

0:46: Crystal: “Oh.”

0:46 Voice 1: “It works.”

0:47 Crystal: “I…”

0:47 Voice 1: “Honey, listen. It works.”

0:49 Crystal: “Gonna be appropriate, I mean.”

0:50 Voice 1: “Oh, it’s appropriate.”

0:51 Crystal: “[Inaudible 00:51].”

0:52 Voice 1: “People love it. The people love it.”

0:55 Crystal: “Have you… how many times have you…?”

0:57 Voice 1: “Well, I’ve burned myself several times. I’m only scarred about the face and breast, chest, neck and head. It’s not too bad, but… umm, other than that, I look fine. A little makeup conceals everything.”

1:10 Crystal: “Well, uh.”

1:11 Voice 1: “Look, I have other acts too.”

1:12 Crystal: “Uh! Listen, why don’t I put you on hold for a second?”

1:15 Voice 1: “Hurry up.”

1:17 Laughter in the background.

1:21 Crystal: “Hello.”

1:22 Voice 1: “Yes. It’s…”

1:23 Crystal: “Burn man?”

1:23 Voice 1: “Crystal?”

1:24 Crystal: “Are you the burn man?”

1:25 Voice 1: “Yes.”

1:26 Crystal: “Oh, okay.”

1:27 Voice 1: “Listen to me.”

1:28 Crystal: “Yes.”

1:29 Voice 1: “I have other little… the… little tricks I do, trinkets and what not. I jump around with dogs on the stage. I bring a little chipmunk in and a little monkey and I beat him senseless in front of the crowd. They love that. I put a little ballerina skirt on the monkey and I beat him into oblivion. The crowd seems to love this.”

1:48 Crystal: “Oh!”

1:49 Voice 1: “Okay. Where can we go with this?”

1:51 Crystal: “Okay, does that have…”

1:52 Voice 1: “Show me.”

1:53 Crystal: “[Inaudible 01:53].”

1:53 Voice 1: “Talk to me you silly little freak.”

1:55 Crystal: “Why don’t you just come in to the [Inaudible 01:57] and maybe we can see it in person and we could discuss it.”

2:00 Voice 1: “Okay. Umm… also I’m …I’m known very, very well for pulling large pieces of furniture from my ass.”

2:08 Crystal: Laughs hysterically.

2:10 Crystal: “From your ass?”

2:11 Laughter in the background.

2:12 Voice 1: “Yes. I’ve been… I’ve been doing it for years. I’m the best. I… see, I could bring you…”

2:17 Crystal: “[Inaudible 02:17]…”

2:17 Voice 1: “I could…”

2:18 Crystal: “…large furniture out of his ass.”

2:21 Laughter

2:22 Voice 1: “Honey, would you just give me the chance?”

2:24 Crystal: “Okay, I’ll…”

2:25 Voice 1: “Let me come down there and go nuts. I will freak you out.”

2:28 Crystal: “Oh, I know you’ll freak me [Inaudible 02:30] and you’re freaking me over the phone. Just imagine in person!”

2:33 Voice 1: “Oh, ho! I’d do something when I see you honey that you wouldn’t believe.”

2:36 Crystal: Giggles.

2:37 Voice 1: “Is Ronaldo around?”

2:39 Crystal: “Who?”

2:39 Voice 1: “Ronaldo.”

2:40 Crystal: “Ronaldo?”

2:41 Voice 1: “I want to show him my toolbox.”

2:44 Crystal: “No. It’s Elon, Elon [Inaudible 02:46]. You have to show Elon, not Ronaldo.”

2:48 Voice 1: “Oh! Well, I’d show it…”

2:49 Crystal: “We don’t have a Ronaldo.”

2:49 Voice 1: “Let me tell you something. I’d show it to Elon in a big way honey.”

2:53 Crystal: “Or we have Brett Weir here, so…”

2:55 Voice 1: “Who… Brett Weir? What is that?”

2:57 Crystal: “[Inaudible 02:57]… maybe you can see him.”

2:59 Voice 1: “Ooh! I would love to see him silly.”

3:01 Crystal: “Okay.”

3:01 Voice 1: “Okay, listen. I’ll be down as soon as possible sweetie cakes.’

3:04 Crystal: “Okay, you have the address.”

3:06 Voice 1: “Okay.”

3:06 Crystal: “Okay.”

3:07 Voice 1: “See you later jellyfin.”

3:08 Crystal: “You have the address.”

3:09 Voice 1: “Okay. I have it. Thank you.”

3:11 Crystal: “Okay. Thank you.”

3:11 Voice 1: “Okay, bye-bye.”