Sol’s Turnstile – Sol Rosenberg

The Jerky Boys, Album 4

Title: Sol’s Turnstile

Characters: Sol Rosenberg




0:01 Phone rings…

0:04 Voice 1: “Can I help you?”

0:05 Sol: “Hello?”

0:05 Voice 1: “Yes. Can I help you?”

0:06 Sol: “Yes. I need a turnstile.

0:09 [Music mix playing]

0:17 Sol: “Hello? Yes. Hello?”

0:21 [Music mix playing].

0:22 Voice 1: “OK. What kind?”

0:24 Sol: “What do you mean what kind?”

0:26 Voice 1:”Well, there is about 700 varieties.”

0:29 Sol: “Oh, my God. More money.

0:31 [Music mix playing].

0:36 Sol: “Hello? [Farts] Ow.”

0:41 Voice 1: “What’s the application? What are you using it for?”

0:43 Sol: “I’m going to use this out front by my house by the walkway.”

0:48 Voice 1: “You’re going to use it in front your house by the walkway?”

0:51 Sol:”Yes. [More money.] I just don’t want everybody filing in all at once. And this would make them go in single file.”

1:00 [Music mix playing]

1:10 Sol: “We have a lot of people coming in to view my mother. She seems to have [locked] off all of her legs with a hay sickle, [locked] off all of her legs so all the neighborhood people come to see. Too many people at one time.”

1:25 [Music mix playing]

1:36 Voice 1: “We have a portable turnstile. You’re lookin’ at a lot of money for something like that though. We have turnstiles. But, you know, are you prepared to spend $700 or $800 for a turnstile?”

1:47 Sol: “You can make that gate perhaps.”

1:49 [Music mix playing]

1:54 Sol: “It will pay for itself.”

1:55 [Music mix playing]

1:58 Sol: “[Locked] off all of her legs, I feel really awful. Then I can move it right by the bed beside my mother. So you can just walk around the bed and get into another turnstile.”

2:10 [Music mix playing]

2:21 Voice 1: “Right. Right.”

2:24 Sol farts.

2:25 Sol: “Ow. I feel a little awful. And my mother’s name is Gimpy. It’s not very nice. But what is she going to do about it?”