I’m A Diva – Jack Tors

The Jerky Boys, album 4

Title: I’m A Diva

Characters: Jack Tors

Summary: Jack makes a new best friend and shows off his dance moves during an interview for Saturday night fever.


0:01 Phone Rings

0:03 Jack Tors: “Hello?”

0:04 Female Voice: “I’m calling about the a Saturday night fever.”

0:07 Jack Tors: “Ow you’re shouting at me.”

0:09 Female Voice: “Oh I’m sorry it’s just that I have music very loud.”

0:12 Jack Tors: “Yeah well could you turn it down you silly ass.”

0:14 Female Voice: “Sure, sure hold on… Hello?”

0:20 Jack Tors: “Yeah we’re talking dancing right?”

0:22 Female Voice: “Huh?”

0:23 Jack Tors: “You’re going to dance your ass off I hope, cause we are casting like crazy.”

0:26 Female Voice: “Greaaat, great!”

0:28 Jack Tors: “Are you psyched?”

0:30 Female Voice: “Yes I am”

0:32 Jack Tors: “Watch me go, watch this”

0:33 *music and sound of dancing*

0:34 Jack Tors: “I’m fucking crazy, look at me. See me go.”

0:37 Female Voice: *laughs*

0:38 Jack Tors: “Holy shit, watch me go. Watch me spin, watch!”

0:41 *music and sound of things breaking*

0:44 Jack Tors: “Shit! Hold on a minute!”

0:45 Female Voice: “Okay!”

0:47 *music stops*

0:48 Jack Tors: “Ok you see me go?”

0:49 Female Voice: “Yeahh.”

0:51 Jack Tors: “Is that great or what?”

0:52 Female Voice: “That’s fantastic.”

0:53 Jack Tors: “Alright so what are you looking to do? You’re going to dance like me I hope.”

0:55 Female Voice: “Of course. I’m going to tear it up honey, I’m a diva.”

0:58 Jack Tors: “Well alright. That’s ah- I like to hear that. Listen first of all, we are casting for flat chested tap dancing freaks.”

1:05 Female Voice: “Ok, well I’m definitely not flat chested ha.”

1:08 Jack Tors: “Right.. Ok well umm… Listen to this.”

1:13 *bad tubba sounds*

1:21 Jack Tors: “You hear that?”

1:22 Female Voice: “Yeahh.”

1:23 Jack Tors: “You know what that is?”

1:24 Female Voice: “Nooo.”

1:25 Jack Tors: “That’s a fucking tubba.”

1:26 Female Voice: “Ohhh shit.”

1:28 Jack Tors: “So I’ll probably- I’ll be playing that in the movie myself.”

1:31 Female Voice: *laughs*

1:32 Jack Tors: “Listen, do me a favor, my friend is coming in tomorrow. Give me a call back tomorrow.”

1:35 Female Voice: “Ok, I didn’t even get your name!”

1:38 Jack Tors: “My name is Jack.”

1:39 Female Voice: “Jaaack.”

1:40 Jack Tors: “Jack Tors. Ok?”

1:42 Female Voice: “Ok, I’m Venus.”

1:43 Jack Tors: “Venus, what a sexy name. Call me tomorrow and we’ll discuss all kinds of shit.”

1:47 Female Voice: “Great.”

1:48 Jack Tors: “Ok, fucker?”

1:49 Female Voice: *laughs* “Alright.”

1:51 Jack Tors: “You’re sexy, you’re my kinda girl. See yah later Venus.”

1:54 Female Voice: “Bye, Bye.”