Herman – the woke version

Title: “Hermione”

[Setting: A cafe]

Caller: Hi, is this the artisanal coffee shop?

Barista: Yes, it is. How can I help you?

Caller: Uh, yeah, I have a bit of an issue. I ordered a soy latte, and it’s not soy.

Barista: I’m sorry to hear that. We strive to accommodate all dietary preferences. Let me fix that for you right away.

Caller: Thank you. And can you please make sure it’s not served in a plastic cup? I’m trying to reduce my plastic usage.

Barista: Absolutely. We use compostable cups made from plant-based materials.

Caller: Great, I appreciate that. Oh, and one more thing. Could you ensure that the coffee beans were ethically sourced and the farmers were paid fair wages?

Barista: Of course, our beans are sourced through fair trade practices, and we support sustainable farming initiatives.

Caller: That’s fantastic to hear. You know, I really appreciate your attention to detail and commitment to social and environmental responsibility.

Barista: Thank you for bringing these concerns to our attention. We’re always striving to do better for our community and the planet.

Caller: Absolutely. Keep up the good work. And I’ll be sure to spread the word about your ethical practices to my friends.

Barista: We appreciate your support. Enjoy your soy latte, and have a wonderful day.

Caller: Thanks, you too. Bye.

[End of call]