Cold Feet – Frank Rizzo

The Jerky Boys, vol 4 album

Title: Cold Feet

Characters: Frank Rizzo, Acupuncturist



0:01 Phone rings..
0:02 Acupuncturist picks up and says: “May I help you?”

0:03 Frank Rizzo : “Hello.”

0:04 Acupuncturist: “Yes..”

0:05 Rizzo: “Yeah, speak up there asshole. I can barely hear ya. Hello.”

0:07 Acupuncturist: “Yes, can i help you?”

0:08 Rizzo: “Yeah, ya do acupuncture.”

0: 09 Acupuncturist: “Yes we do…”

0:10 Rizzo: “Yeah, it says there that you do cold feet.”

0:13 Acupuncturist: “Excuse me?”

0:15 Rizzo:  “I got cold feet.”

0:16 Acupuncturist: “Cold feet?”

0:17 Rizzo: “Cold feet!”

0:18 Acupuncturist: “For the feet?”

0:18 Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:19 Acupuncturist: “That’s ok…”
0: 21 Rizzo: “You wrote the fuckin’ ad. You know what it says. Don’t cha?”

0:23 Acupuncturist: “Yeah you have the cold feet.”

0:24 Rizzo: “Yeah I got cold feet. That’s right. You got it right. Speak up there Charlie.”

0:28 Acupuncturist: “Okay.”

0:29 Rizzo: “Yeah, ya know a couple of broads I wanna ask out on dates, and I’m a little fuckin’  nervous about it. How ya goin’ cure that? Hell…”

0:38 Acupuncturist: “With the treatment.”

0:39 Rizzo: “What’s the acupuncture goin’ do? What do ya stick me in the nuts or somethin’ to make me feel a little bit better about myself?

0:44 Acupuncturist: “Yeah.”

0:45 Rizzo: “Is that what you do?”

0:46 Acupuncturist: “Yes.”

0:47 Rizzo: “Well explain how do ya do it?”

0:49 Acupuncturist: “Oh, you need to come here.”

0:50 Rizzo: “Oh, what are you goin’ to stick me with those fuckin’ needles?”

0:53 Acupuncturist: “What do you mean fucking needles?”

0:54 Rizzo: “Well how do ya do it? You stick me with that shit or what?”

0:58 Acupuncturist: “ You come here so we’ll explain.”

1:01 Rizzo: All I want to know is this: Is it goin’ loosen me up so I go out with a couple of   broads? You goin’ to make be feel betta?”

1:06 Acupuncturist: “Yeah sure.”

1:07 Rizzo: “Yeah? Cos I tell ya if you don’t, I’ll stick them fuckin’ needles in your fuckin’ face. You hear me? ”

1:13 Acupuncturist: “Not your face.”

1:15 Rizzo: I’ll stick them in your fuckin’ head…Are you going to help me or not you prick? Huh?”

1:22 Acupuncturist: “ What are talking?’

1:23 Rizzo: “I gotta get laid ya fuck.”

1:25 Acupuncturist hangs up.

1:27 Multiple people laugh.