Bird Feed

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Bird Feed

Characters: Sol Rosenberg

Summary: 

Sol calls a feed store for seed. He refuses wild bird seed because the birds are already wild and he thinks wild seed will make them crazier. The clerk only sells wild bird seed. Sol wants regular bird seeds, rejects scratch, hangs up with a cock-a-doodle-doo.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:02 Voice 1: “Hello?”

0:03 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:04 Voice 1: “Hi. Hi, ma’am. Hello?”

0:07 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:08 Voice 1: “Hi. Yes. I am looking to buy bird feed.”

0:12 Voice 2: “OK.”

0:13 Voice 1: “You have bird feed?”

0:14 Voice 2: “Yes.”

0:15 Voice 1: “What sort of bird feed do you have?”

0:18 Voice 2: “What are you looking for?”

0:19 Voice 1: “Well, I want to feed those little [swallops] or [swallows] – [sweeh] – what are they? They fly all about like the humming birds. They stand all in one spot there while they rip the things out of their little hanging thing.”

0:33 Voice 2: “OK. So you want to feed wild birds feed?”

0:36 Voice 1: “Yes. But I don’t want to give them seeds and bird feeds that’s going to make them attack anybody near my home. Because as it is right now the birds that I have, they attack my dogs and my horses.”

0:50 Voice 2: “OK. Well, I don’t know what kind of feed those little birds…”

0:54 Voice 1: “They swoop down – they swoop and they bite and nip my horse in his face. And they bit my horse’s teeth and his face right out.”

1:03 Voice 2: “OK.”

1:04 Voice 1: “They’re bad birds. I think they’re like crows or something.”

1:06 Voice 2: “Oh, gosh.”

1:07 Voice 1: “Yes. They’re awful nasty, awful things. And they go [Inaudible 00:01:12] – [Inaudible 00:01:13] down like that. They go [making swopping bird sounds]. They swing down like that. And they go [making odd sounds] and they scare my horsey. And then my horsey when he got scared, he booted me across the barn because he was angry with the birds.”

1:30 Voice 2: “I see.”

1:31 Voice 1: “All I need is some feed.”

1:33 Voice 2: “But we sell wild bird seed.”

1:36 Voice 1: “Hi. Hi. Ma’am?”

1:40 Voice 2: “Yes.”

1:41 Voice 1: “Yes. I need bird seeds.”

1:43 Voice 2: “The bird feed we sell is wild bird seed.”

1:46 Voice 1: “No. But that’s what I’m sayin’. You see you’re selling me wild bird seeds and that’s going to make these birds crazy. They’re already wild enough. I don’t need them anymore crazy. Please. Please.”

1:57 Voice 2: “Well, well, what do you want?”

2:00 Voice 1: “I don’t want the birds nasty and wild. I want regular bird seeds, not wild ones.”

2:06 Voice 2: “Scratch bird feed?”

2:07 Voice 1: “Pardon me?”

2:08 Voice 2: “We have a feed called scratch.”

2:11 Voice 1: “Oh, I fed that to me chickens and then they’re up in the morning going cock-a-doodle-doo, cock-a-doodle-doo in my window. And I don’t need that. But I don’t need scratch.”

2:21 Voice 2: “OK. Wait.”

2:23 Voice 1: “Can my horse eat my bird feed without getting sick? Is that possible because I noticed sometimes it will grow grass? My horses won’t get sick, will they?”

2:34 Voice 2: “They shouldn’t.”

2:35 Voice 1: “Right. Because one time I left my shoes in the mud, I had mud and the horses ate my shoes and they were very sick, very sick.”

2:43 Voice 2: “Well, the only other feed we have is we have cockatail feed and that’s it. You probably need to call a pet shop.”

2:51 Voice 1: “If I come in, would you sell me one of the cockatails then?”

2:54 Voice 2: “If you want, sure.”

2:56 Voice 1: “And they say, hi, mister, how are you? Hello?”

3:00 Voice 2: “I don’t know. I have no idea.”

3:03 Voice 1: “But you do train them over there or no?”

3:06 Voice 2: “We sell the cockatail feed.”

3:08 Voice 1: “Oh, you don’t sell the birds, the actual birds.”

3:11 Voice 2: “No.”

3:12 Voice 1: “One time I had one that was trained like that, could say, hello, sir, thank you very much. Did you have a very good day? Thank you. I’m sorry. I must be – OK – I must be taking up too much time. I’ll just – I’ll stop by and buy some of that feed.”

3:26 Voice 2: “OK.”

3:27 Voice 1: “All right, dear.”

3:28 Voice 2: “Bye.”

3:29 Voice 1: “Thank you, honey.”

3:30 Voice 2: “OK. Bye-bye.”

3:31 Voice 1: “Cock-a-doodle-doo.”

Bird Feed – Sol Rosenberg, Album 3

Johnny Brennan is Sol Rosenberg. Album 3. Sol calls a feed store for seed. The clerk has bird feed. Sol is trying to buy the kind that will not make anything worse.

One misunderstanding

Wild bird seed means seed for wild birds. Sol hears seed that makes birds wild. The birds are already wild, and he thinks wild seed will make them crazier. The clerk only sells wild bird seed. That is the joke, and it is the whole call.

He asks for “regular bird seeds, not wild ones.” She tells him again that the feed they sell is wild bird seed. He says “that’s going to make these birds crazy.” When she goes quiet he comes back with “Hi. Hi. Ma’am?” He rejects scratch. He hangs up with a cock-a-doodle-doo.

Why Fans Love This

“Bird Feed” remains a fan favorite because it captures the essence of Jerky Boys humor:

• It feels completely unscripted and authentic
• The energy builds quickly and keeps going
• Sol asks again, then hangs up with a cock-a-doodle-doo
• The situation becomes funnier with every moment

For fans of Jerky Boys merchandise, this track is another must-have addition to any collection.

Perfect For

This prank call is perfect for:

• Fans of classic comedy albums
• Collectors of comedy collectibles
• Anyone exploring custom prank calls
• Listeners who enjoy bold, character-driven humor

Whether you’re new to the Jerky Boys or revisiting their greatest hits, “Bird Feed” delivers a high-energy experience.

A Piece of Comedy History

Before streaming platforms and viral clips, the Jerky Boys were creating content that people couldn’t stop sharing. Their prank calls became part of comedy history, influencing countless entertainers.

“Bird Feed” reflects that era perfectly. It’s raw, direct, and driven entirely by personality. That authenticity is what continues to resonate with fans today.

Owning or revisiting this skit means adding another piece of classic comedy to your collection.

Related reading: Food & Drug Complaint – Sol Rosenberg; Hey Sir! – Sol Rosenberg; New Awnings.