Bad Tomatoes

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Bad Tomatoes

Characters: Nikos


The skit opens with a phone call between Sam and Nico, initially filled with confusion over the caller’s identity. Nico claims to be a friend of Tony Simos and urgently notifies Sam about a batch of bad tomatoes. Despite Sam’s repeated attempts to ascertain the caller’s identity, confusion persists.

Nico, speaking on behalf of Tony Simos, insists that the tomatoes purchased by Sam are of poor quality and demands their return. However, Sam struggles to comprehend which tomatoes are being referred to, leading to further miscommunication and frustration.

Throughout the conversation, Nico tries to convey the urgency of the situation regarding the allegedly spoiled tomatoes, emphasizing Simos’s involvement. However, Sam’s confusion persists, resulting in an escalating exchange where Nico attempts to clarify the issue but is met with Sam repeatedly asking for the caller’s identity.

The skit is characterized by a comedic misunderstanding, as Sam’s inability to recognize Nico’s identity or understand the problem with the tomatoes leads to a circular conversation filled with frustration and confusion on both ends. Ultimately, the exchange remains unresolved as Sam continues to question the caller’s identity, leaving the issue of the supposedly bad tomatoes hanging without a clear resolution.


0:01 Phone rings…

0:05 Sam: “Hello?”

0:06 Nico: “Hello, Sam.”

0:07 Sam: “Yeah.”

0:08 Nico: “What are you doing?”

0:09 Sam: “Who’s this?”

0:10 Nico: “It’s Tony. A friend of Tony Simos?”

0:12 Sam: “Yeah.”

0:13 Nico: “He is tellin’ me to call you. The tomatoes, they’re no good. They went bad.”

0:17 Sam: “Simos?”

0:18 Nico: “Yes. The son of a bitch he is tellin’ to – to buy a bushel, [the cone and the cocks]. I don’t need [Inaudible 00:00:23].”

0:26 Sam: “Who is this?”

0:27 Nico: “Hello?”

0:28 Sam: “Who is this?”

0:29 Nico: “This is Nico.”

0:31 Sam: “Who?”

0:31 Nico: “Nico, from Nico’s Deli. I’m a good friend of Tony Simos. He told me to call you right away. Sam?”

0:38 Sam: “Yeah.”

0:39 Nico: “What are you doin’? The tomatoes, they’re dried up. They’re not lookin’ no good.”

0:44 Sam: “Which tomatoes?”

0:45 Nico: “[Inaudible 00:00:45]. Those tomatoes are [Inaudible 00:00:48]. It’s Tony Simos.”

0:53 Sam: “Then bring them back here.”

0:54 Nico: “So what is it with this Tony? What do they do? Is this [Inaudible 00:00:57] don’t play there. You’ll break the windows. Go play down the block. Oh. That – fuck that. Sam?”

1:06 Sam: Who is this?

1:07 Nico: “Sam, it’s Nico. What do you do? You’re selling me the tomatoes. They’re lookin’ like they died [Inaudible 00:01:10] to Tony’s, Tony Simos. [Inaudible 00:01:15]. He is tryin’ to sell me a [cone and a cock]. I will not do this, the [cone and the cocks].”