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Sol’s Civil War Memorabilia

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Sol’s Civil War Memorabilia

Characters: Sol Rosenberg

Summary:

The skit revolves around a comical phone conversation regarding the sale of Civil War memorabilia. Voice 1 describes an eccentric individual with an assortment of items, including old guns, a Gatling gun causing neighborhood disturbances, cannons, and even a preserved foot from a soldier. Throughout the conversation, Voice 2 expresses interest in these unusual artifacts, despite Voice 1’s warnings about their dangerous nature. Voice 1 shares anecdotes about the owner’s reckless use of the Gatling gun and the risky handling of weaponry, emphasizing the need for caution. Despite the absurdity of the items and their potential hazards, Voice 2 remains intrigued and agrees to potentially purchase everything, including the preserved foot. The dialogue highlights the absurdity and danger of owning such historical artifacts while maintaining a humorous tone through the characters’ interactions and the outrageous nature of the items being discussed.

 
 
 
 

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:06 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:07 Voice 2: “Yes. I’m callin’ about the civil war memorabilia that you had advertised.”

0:10 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:11 Voice 2: “Yes. Can you tell me what it consists of?”

0:13 Voice 1: “Well, we have guns, several guns.”

0:16 Voice 2: “Do you have any confederate weapons or what type of weapons do you have?”

0:20 Voice 1: “Well, I don’t know if you consider it confederate weapon but he is got a [Inaudible 00:00:25]. At least he told me it’s called a [Inaudible 00:00:27].”

0:28 Voice 2: “Uh-huh.”

0:29 Voice 1: ‘And we have some of the old guns with the powder blows on your hand and it explodes.”

0:34 Voice 2: “Right. Do you know what – do you what guns they are?”

0:39 Voice 1: “Yes. They’re old cavalry guns.”

0:42 Voice 2: “Cavalry guns.”

jerky boys civil war memorabilia
jerky boys civil war memorabilia

0:43 Voice 1: “Yes. And he is also – in the garage, he’s got a Gatling gun.’

0:45 Voice 2: “He’s got a Gatling gun.”

0:46 Voice 1: “Yes. He is looking to get rid of it because the police are always around because they say it’s unlawful for him to blow the Gatling gun off in the back of the house.”

0:55 Voice 2: “Uh-huh.”

0:55 Voice 1: “And he fires it into the woods and he takes down a lot of the forest out there.

1:00 Man laughs.”

1:00 Voice 1: Yeah. So we’re having a bit of a problem.

1:03 Voice 2: What does the Gatling gun date from? Does he have a date on it?

1:06 Voice 1: Oh. I would say it’s back in the 1870s or something.

1:10 Voice 2: 1870 something.

1:12 Voice 1: Oh, boy. That one goes off. [Making gun sounds].

1:15 Voice 2: I can imagine.

1:16 Voice 1: Oh, my word.

1:17 Phone rings.

1:22 Voice 1: Hello?

1:23 Voice 2: Hello. We got disconnected.

1:24 Voice 1: Yes. Why are you hanging up on me, sir?

1:26 Voice 2: I didn’t. We got disconnected.

1:27 Voice 1: Oh, my God. I’m sorry.

1:28 Voice 2: I didn’t get disconnected. I didn’t hang up.

1:30 Voice 1: I’m sorry I said.

1:32 Voice 2: And you seem to have other things, too?

1:35 Voice 1: Well, yes, he’s got an old foot, a foot, like a dried foot.

1:40 Voice 2: A dried foot?

1:41 Voice 1: Yes. And it’s civil war memorabilia. It was in a boot.

1:46 Voice 2: I’m sorry. What do you mean a foot?

1:48 Voice 1: It’s an actual foot from a soldier that was given to him in the ’60s, the 1960s.

1:53 Voice 2: Oh, really?

1:54 Voice 1: Yes.

1:55 Voice 2: I’m not even sure if there is…

1:56 Voice 1: Pardon me?

1:57 Voice 2: I said I never even heard of something like that.

1:58 Voice 1: Yes.

2:00 Voice 2: And what other things do you have?

2:02 Voice 1: Well, he’s got cannons. One of them is not really put together and one of them is a beautiful – it’s a big – on the 4th of July he blows that off.

2:09 Voice 2: That’s an original civil war cannon?

2:12 Voice 1: Loud.

2:13 Voice 2: That’s an original civil war cannon?

2:16 Voice 1: Oh, it’s a big one. When he blows that off, all the windows in the neighborhood shake.

2:20 Man chuckles.

2:21 Voice 1: That’s why we’re in so much trouble.

2:22 Voice 2: I can imagine.

2:25 Voice 1: Yes.

2:26 Voice 2: That’s an original civil war cannon?

2:28 Voice 1: And he’s got suits. He’s got those silly suits from the north and the south, you know?

2:33 Voice 2: I’m interested in coming up and purchasing it.

2:36 Voice 1: Well, you can have whatever you like because I told you he is already in enough trouble with the police. One day I feared he was going to turn the Gatling gun on them.

2:45 Man laughs.

2:45 Voice 1: Yes. He’s crazy. He’s a fool. He’s a war-time hero fool. You got to be very, very careful with those guns. They make me very scary.

2:55 Voice 2: I know. I know. I have some and I don’t fire them. I know.

2:59 Voice 1: One time he nearly blew both of his arms and his face off with that damn thing.

3:03 Man laughs.

3:03 Voice 1: Because he put too much of the little – this flick shot of something. I don’t know. He blew the muscle right off the freakin’ gun and blew it across the garage and ripped a hole in the sheet rack.

3:15 Voice 2: Wow.

3:16 Voice 1: Now should I tell him that you’d be interested in the boot with the foot in it?

3:20 Voice 2: I’d probably be interested in everything.

3:21 Voice 1: Did you ever see how they make the dried-up little sunken heads?

3:24 Voice 2: Oh, my God.

3:25 Voice 1: Yes. Well, he’s had this for many years and he praises it. What he does is brings it out when he is drunk and stupid in front of his friends. Can he call you or something to make arrangements?

3:34 Voice 2: Sure. If he doesn’t I’ll give him a call tonight.

3:36 Voice 1: OK.

3:37 Voice 2: He could call me. I’ll be home around six o’clock this evening.

3:40 Voice 1: OK, Mr. Ulysses. That’s grand.

3:43 Voice 2: OK. I’ll talk to you later.

3:44 Voice 1: Bye. Bye.

3:45 Voice 2: Bye-bye.