Unemployed Painter

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Unemployed Painter

Characters: Mike Derucki



0:00     Phone rings..

0:02     Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:02     Mike: “Hey! What’s up there fruitcake? I’m lookin’ for paint work.”

0:05     Voice 1: “Who is this?”

0:06     Mike: “This is Mike.”

0:08     Voice 1: “Hmm! Mike who?”

0:09     Mike: Mike Derucki. You got paint work for me or what?”

0:11     Voice 1: “No.”

0:13     Mike: “Well, it says here in the ad that you need the paint work and you got paint work and all that shit.  What have we got there?

0:18     Voice 1: “Oh, they made a mistake in that ad.”

0:19     Mike: “Oh, yeah. Well, you don’t got no work for me?”

0:23     Voice 1: “Well, you don’t understand it. See what it says on the Situations Wanted.”

0:25     Mike: “Yeah.”

0:27     Voice 1: “Yes, they made a mistake. They’ve asked you if you can call me [Inaudible 00:28], but I’m lookin’ for work.”

0:29     Mike: “Hey! I know what it’s like.”

0:31     Voice 1: “He-he, you’ve… you paint in the union?”

0:34     Mike: ‘Nahhhh! I don’t go with that union shit. You know what I mean. I paint everything.  I’m a painter. I paint my car. I paint everything.”

0:39     Voice 1: “Huh! You’re like me. You know I’m lookin’ for work…”

0:40     Mike: “Yeah.”

0:40     Voice 1: “…myself, you know.”

0:41     Mike: “I just did some job on my car. Beautiful! I used the roller there, the paint brush. It came out beautiful.”

0:46     Voice 1: “Oh yeah.”

0:46     Mike: “Huh! I’m good. I’m good. So you got no paintin’ for me, uh?”

0:50     Voice 1: “I’m not workin’ myself. I’m lookin’ for work.”

0:51     Mike: “What about tapin’?”

0:53     Voice 1: “Nothin’.”

0:54     Mike: “Yeah, huh!”

0:54     Voice 1: “I’m sorry, you know.”

0:55     Mike: “Yeah. I hear you fruitcake.  You gotta help me out though if you could.”

0:58     Voice 1: “I would.”

0:59     Mike: “Yeah. You couldn’t help me though, huh?”

1:01     Voice 1: “No ’cos I’m not working myself.”

1:03     Mike: “Oh, I paint my toe nails, everything.”

1:04     Voice 1: “Ha, ha, ha!”

1:05     Mike: “Paint the walls. I’m silly. I love it. They call me Rubberneck.”

1:09     Voice 1: “Oh yeah?”

1:10     Mike: “Yeah.”

1:11     Voice 1: “Heh!”

1:11     Mike: “So, what do you say we get together and paint each other up?”

1:15     Voice 1: “Yeah. Forget about it.”

1:16     Mike: “Hey! We’re good like that, right? Paint the town, night on the town, right, Mike? What do you say Bill?”

1:22     Voice 1: “Give me your number.”

1:23     Mike: “Alright, you ready chief?”

1:25     Voice 1: “Yeah. You live in the city?”

1:26     Mike: “Yeah, 555-5785.”

1:32     Voice 1: “What part of the city you live?”

1:33     Mike: “Uh, down in the Village area there.”

1:35     Voice 1: “Oh, you’re way downtown.”

1:36     Mike: “Yaw shoosh, way downtown fruitcake. Look, any help you can give me, I appreciate it.”

1:40     Voice 1: “So I will.”

1:41     Mike: “Okay, sizzlechest.”

1:42     Voice 1: “What’s your name?”

1:43     Mike: “My name is Mike. Okay! I appreciate it.”

1:47     Voice 1: “Okay, somethin’ comes along.”

1.48     Mike: “Hey! God bless us all. Huh! God bless you babe.”

1.51     Voice 1: “Okay, thank you.”

1:52     Mike: “Wish you luck in the future. Say you a prayer.”

1:53     Voice 1: “Thank you. “

1:54     Mike: “Okay. See you later fruitcake.”

1:55     Voice 1: “Okay, bye.’