Trains – Jocko Johnson

The Jerky Boys, Album 4

Title: Trains

Characters: Sandy, Russel



0:01 Phone rings…

0:02 Russell: “This is funny shit.”

0:05 Sandy: “Hello?”

0:06 Russell: “What’s up there, chief?”

0:08 Sandy: “What’s up there, chief?”

0:09 Russell: “Yeah. How you doin’? I got tons of trains over here.”

0:12 Sandy: “Well, bring ’em in.”

0:13 Russell: “Where are you?”

0:14 Sandy: “You know where Grand Avenue is. [Beep].

0:16 Russell: “Hey. Whoa. Whoa. I got all these trains. I can’t carry ’em. See, my old man gave them to me when I was a weird little tyke. I never used trains. I don’t like trains. I like cars, fast cars and fast women.”

0:30 Man laughs.

0:31 Russell: “So why don’t you buy all these trains off me so I could spend the money on fast women.”

0:35 Sandy: “I need your address.”

0:36 Russell: “All right. 78th [beep]”

0:39 Sandy: “78th [beep]”.

0:41 Russell: “78th [beep] Metropolitan. That’s right. On Metropolitan.”

0:46 Sandy: “Is it a private house?”

0:48 Russell: “Yeah. It’s a house. It’s right next to that Old Mike Deli. Hey. Bring some Vaseline, too.”

0:53 Sandy: “For what?”

0:54 Russell: “Don’t you need that for the trains?”

1:00 Sandy: “Well, I’m just want to look at them. I mean I want to see [Inaudible 00:01:02].”

1:03 Russell: “Well, I got that tunnel there, too.”

1:06 Sandy: “Is it a metal tunnel or a paper tunnel?”

1:08 Russell: “No, it’s flesh.”

1:12 Sandy: “Right. [Inaudible 00:01:12] 78th Street.”

1:15 Russell: “That’s right, bucktooth. When are you coming over?”

1:21 Sandy: “Be over there in about 20 minutes.”

1:23 Russell: “All right. So bring some cash all right?”

1:26 Sandy: “What’s your name?”

1:27 Russell: “My name is Russell. What’s yours?”

1:28 [Beep]

1:29 Russell:”What?”

1:30 [Beep]

1:31 Russell: “Sandy like Sandy Koufax?”

1:32 Sandy: “No. No.”

1:33 Russell: “He had some good years. Remember that back in…”

1:35 Sandy: “Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was a good game.”

1:36 Russell: “You’re into playing baseball?”

1:38 Sandy: “Oh. Hell yeah.”

1:39 Russell: “You were into that shit?”

1:40 Sandy: “Yeah.”

1:41 Russell: “What are you? A pitcher?”

1:43 Sandy: “No. No.”

1:45 Russell: “What do you do?”

1:46 Sandy: “I sit in the outfield.”

1:47 Russell: “You’re an outfielder?”

1:48 Sandy: “I was. [Inaudible 00:01:49].”

1:50 Russell: “I played outfield one time I was lookin’ at a fuckin’ chick walkin’ by, the guy hittin’ a line drive hit my fuckin’ cocks. I couldn’t even take a piss for a couple of days. And you are here talkin’ about Sandy Koufax. So what made you get into these trains, man? You’re kind of old to be racin’ around on a train there. Well, what do you say about that?”

2:10 Sandy: “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

2:12 Russell: “What is it? I mean what do you do with them? What? Do you sell ’em? Buy ’em? Sell ’em?”

2:16 Sandy: “I like to play with them.”

2:17 Russell: “You play with trains? You’d be better off with fuckin’ [cars].”

2:21 Sandy laughing. Sandy: “I do like those [cars].”

2:26 Russell: “I like fast everything, fast women, booze. I even like fast food. Do you ever eat Chinese food?”

2:33 Sandy: “Do I – I have eaten.”

2:34 Russell: “Hey, isn’t that shit good?”

2:35 Sandy: “Yeah.”

2:36 Russell: “That fuckin’ lo mein, chow mein, all that shit.”

2:39 Man laughs.

2:42 Russell: “Hey, listen. When you drive your train to the tunnel, you get like a sensation? I hear guys that play with trains really like gettin’ – takin’ up the old fuckin’ highway there. Is that true?”

2:52 Sandy: “I don’t know. Did you ever try that?”

2:54 Russell: “You know I was in the joint one time. That shit hurt.”

2:58 Man laughs.

3:00 Russell: “Yeah. You got big tits like me?”

3:03 Sandy: “I don’t know.”

3:04 Russell: “I got those big fuckin’ sausage shit things there. So listen what are you wastin’ my time for? Are you comin’ over or not?”

3:12 Sandy: “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

3:13 Russell: “You’ll be there, huh? Hey, you got any baseball cards?”

3:15 Sandy: “No. No. No.”

3:17 Russell: “I got some Sandy Koufax there. Hey, when you were a kid were they calling you Sandy Koufax, makin’ fun of you?”

3:23 Sandy: “No. Not like that. No. No. No.”

3:25 Russell: “Are you sure about that?”

3:26 Sandy: “Positive.”

3:28 Russell: “All right. So get over here. We could play with trains, play with each other’s cocks.”

3:32 Sandy: “I don’t think about that [Inaudible 00:03:33].”

3:34 Russell: “All right there? All right. So hurry the fuck up. I don’t got all day. I got to drive a truck later on.”

3:40 Sandy: “See you in the front now.”

3:42 Russell: “All right. I’ll be outside. All right.”

3:44 Sandy: “Right.”

3:45 Russell: “All right. But wait a minute. Whoa. Whoa. Are you going to bring cash or a check?”

3:49 Sandy: “Is that what you’re worried about? What the hell are you worried about that for?”

3:53 Russell: “I don’t know. You could slip me a bum check. I got a kid with me, too. You bring a kid, too. The kids can play while we look at the trains. How do you say about that?”

4:03 Sandy: “Forget that.”

4:04 Russell: “Yeah. All right. Well, look, man. All right. Hurry up and come over. All right?”

4:08 Sandy: “All right. Bye-bye.”

4:09 Russell: “All right there, Sandy.”

4:11 Sandy: “Bye-bye.”

4:12 Russell: “Bye.”