Hot Rod Mover

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Hot Rod Mover

Characters: Jake the truck driver




0:00 Phone rings..
0:01 Jake: “Yeah, you need a driver there buddy?”

0:04 Voice 1: “Who’s this?”

0:04 Jake: “This is Jake callin’ about the job driving’. I saw it in the paper.”

0:08 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:08 Jake: “Yeah. Well, you still need a driver or what?”

0:11 Voice 1: “Uh, did you say I have an application with us Jake?”

0:13 Jake: “Pardon me.”

0:15 Voice 1: “Huh?”

0:15 Jake: “Speak up there. What did you say?”

0:17 Voice 1: “You say I have application with us?”

0:19 Jake: “No, no, no, no, no. I… look, I saw de ad in the paper and I’m calling you fruitcake. I’m… I’m lookin’ for a job driving a truck.”

0:26 Voice 1: “We’re looking for movers.”

0:27 Jake: “Yeah. Well, that’s what I do.”

0:29 Voice 1: “What class driver’s license do you have?”

0:31 Jake: “I got 5, 1234. I got dem all.”

0:33 Jake: “You have class 1?”

0:34 Jake: “Yeah. Oh sh… I drive buses, trucks. I’ll back a truck to de fuckin’… uh…two ho… two-family house garage, one of those big two-ton trucks.”

0:43 Voice 1: “When was the last time you drove a truck or trailer?”

0:45 Jake: “Oh, jeez! What the fuck? I’d say about two weeks ago, I… I robbed one down in Jersey and I drove it up here to New York… fuckin’ flyin’. Drove it tru the tolls, no stoppin’, no nothin’. I’m good.”

0:56 Voice 1: “Alright, I see. Why don’t you call…uh… call back on Monday?”

1:00 Jake: “Eh! I tell you what? I come in. I’ll take you for a test spin. How’s that? We go out and we take the truck around the fuckin’ block. I speed. I pop wheelies. I’m good baby.”

1:09 Voice 1: “Call back on Monday and then I’ll tell ya.”

1:10 Jake: “Alright. Can I get you? I want you. You sound good. You and me, we make a team. You drive wid me, alright?”

1:18 Voice 1: “What’s your name again?”

1:19 Jake: “Jake.”

1:20 Voice 1: “Jake. Who did you work for, Jake?”

1:21 Jake: “Oh, jeez! I worked for [Inaudible 01:22]. I worked for Mayflower, you know. Oh, yeah. Don’t sh… eh, I was good with them too.”

1:28 Voice 1: “You worked with [Inaudible 01:29]?”

1:29 Jake: “Yeah, that’s right.”

1:30 Voice 1: “When?”

1:31 Jake: “Uh, about what? Two years ago. See, what I got a problem there. They… they get fuckin’ scared when the pop the wheelies and all that shit. You know, I pop a lot of wheelies. I’m good with that shit. You know, I don’t break no merchandise. See dat I get it there two hours ahead of time all the time. What do you say?”

1:46 Voice 1: “I say if you’re poppin’ your wheelies there, I’m not even gonna put in your application.”

1:49 Jake: “Ahh! Listen to me. I don’t break nuttin’ sizzlechest. I’m good.”

1:54 Voice 1: “Okay, call Monday. We’ll set up an interview, okay?”

1:57 Jake: “Alright. I’ll do that then rubberneck. I’ll call you Monday.”

2:00 Voice 1: “Okay.”

2:00 Jake: “Alright fruitcake. See you later.”