Car Salesman

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Car Salesman

Characters: Paul Rizzo


The skit presents a comical yet bizarre phone conversation between two individuals named Paul and Paul Rizzo. Paul Rizzo calls inquiring about a salesperson job, expressing eagerness to sell cars but quickly reveals an aggressive sales approach from his past job in Middletown, New York. He boasts about his extreme tactics, including threatening potential buyers to make a sale.

Paul, taken aback and uncomfortable with Rizzo’s methods, tries to steer the conversation away from aggressive sales techniques. He emphasizes a more subdued and ethical approach to selling, stating that their company doesn’t operate in the manner Rizzo suggests.

Despite Rizzo’s insistence that his forceful methods work, Paul remains firm about the company’s values, ultimately declining to hire Rizzo. The conversation ends with Rizzo acknowledging the mismatch and deciding to try elsewhere, leaving the call on an awkward but humorous note.


0:00     Phone rings.

0:01     Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:02     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, where’s Paul?”

0:04     Voice 1: “Who’s… who’s calling?”

0:05     Paul Rizzo: “I’m calling about the job, salesperson.”

0:07     Voice 1: “[Inaudible 00:07].”

0:10     Paul: “Hello.”

0:11     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, Paul?”

0:12     Paul: “Speaking.”

0:12     Paul Rizzo: “What do you need me to sell babe?”

0:14     Paul: “Excuse me.”

0:14     Paul Rizzo: “What do you need me to sell? I’m calling about the salesperson job?”

0:17     Paul: “What do I need you to sell?”

0:18     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah. Sell cars? What’s the story here?”

0:21     Paul: “You sell cars?”

0:21     Paul Rizzo: “You got it.”

0:22     Paul: “Where do you sell ’em?”

0:23     Paul Rizzo: “I sell them up in Middletown, Upstate New York. I had a little problem over there though. That’s somethin’ I don’t want to talk about.”

0:29     Paul: “Middletown?”

0:29     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:30     Paul: “Okay. What’s your name?”

0:32     Paul Rizzo: “Paul, Paul Rizzo.”

0:34     Paul: “Paul what?”

0:34     Paul Rizzo: “Paul Rizzo.”

0:35     Paul: “Rizzo?”

0:35     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:36     Paul: “Where do you live?”

0:37     Paul Rizzo: “I live upstate.”

0:39     Paul: “Okay. That’s a long way from…”

0:42     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah. Well, you know, for some people maybe.”

0:44     Paul: “Okay.”

0:45     Paul Rizzo: “Let’s talk about sellin’ cars Paul.”

0:47     Paul: “Okay.”

0:48     Paul Rizzo: “What do you… I could sell… whatever you need sold, I’ll sell. You could bring in a tank, I’ll sell the fuckin’ thing.”

0:54     Paul: “Yeah, how far away do you live though?”

0:56     Paul Rizzo: “About 60 miles.”

0:58     Paul: “Sixty miles.”

0:58     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I’m there early every day.”

1:01     Paul: “I am wor… I am worried about mileage on the car.”

1:03     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll use my own car Paul.”

1:04     Paul: “Okay.”

1:05     Paul Rizzo: “I drive it silly, silly.”

1;08     Paul: “And why do you want to drive 60 miles to go to work?”

1:09     Paul Rizzo: “Hey. That’s my business. Are you… you want to sell cars through me or what? See, I had problems up there in Middletown. I gotta get the hell out of that area. I grabbed some guy. He’s a, you know, like he don’t know if he wants to buy. I… I push his face right in the fuckin’ hood, you know…. tell, “You buy this fuckin’ car or I’ll break your fuckin’ head.” I had problems over there Paul.” ’

1:30     Paul: “Well, it sounds like [Inaudible 01:31] problems anywhere.”

1:32     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh!

1:33     Paul: Laughter.

1:34     Paul Rizzo: “You know, so at times these fuckers they gotta buy. I need… you know I need dough like anyone. So what do you think? We got somethin’ goin’ here or what?’

1:40     Paul: “I don’t know. I don’t want that kind of operation.”

1:42     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh, you see. Here we’re off to a bad start, you know.”

1:46     Paul: “But I don’t want that kind of operation.”

1:48     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh! We’ll see. Well, I could tone it down a bit you know, maybe choke a few people here and there. That’s about it.”

1:53     Paul: Laughter.

1:54     Paul Rizzo: “Hey, it works. You think it’s funny? It works. I sell.”

1:56     Paul: “Yeah, but I don’t run that kind of operation.”

1:58     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, I’m silly. I’m tellin’ you. I’m silly.”

2:01     Paul: “Yeah. I don’t run that kind of operation.”

2:02     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh!”

2:03     Paul: “In fact salesmen don’t even quote prices here.”

2:05     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh, let me try somewhere else then, okay.”

2:06     Paul: “Alrighty.”

2:07     Paul Rizzo: “Alright. See you then later nitz.”

2:08     Paul: “Okay.”

2:09     Paul Rizzo: “Right.”