Mining For Scotty- Frank Rizzo

The Jerky Boys, album 4

Title: Mining For Scotty

Characters: Frank Rizzo

Summary: Frank Rizzo makes a deal with a Japanese mining company to harvest “dilithium crystals”.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings

0:02  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, mining company?”

0:03 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

0:04  Frank Rizzo: “You do any mining?”

0:05 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

0:06  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah I wanna dig underneath Manhattan, yeah underneath my building.”

0:11 Mining Company Man: “Oh, so could you…”

0:13  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, that’s right. That’s correct.”

0:15 Mining Company Man: “Oh…”

0:16  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:17 Mining Company Man: “Could you send the ahh… fax… ahh.”

0:23  Frank Rizzo: “Well do you know what I’m lookin’ for?”

0:24 Mining Company Man: “Hm?”

0:25  Frank Rizzo: “Dilithium crystals.”

0:27 Mining Company Man: “Yeah…”

0:29  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. You ever mine that before?”

0:31 Mining Company Man: “Uhh no in- in the United States.”

0:34  Frank Rizzo: “Not in the United States, huh?”

0:35 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

0:36  Frank Rizzo: “I see. Well they have that in Japan?”

0:38 Mining Company Man: “Yes, Japan.”

0:40  Frank Rizzo: “Oh, so you guys are big with the dilithium crystals?”

0:42 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

0:43  Frank Rizzo: “So then you must’ve met Captain Kirk.”

0:45 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

0:46  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, I would imagine so. Yeah, you know Scotty installs all that stuff.”

0:50 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

0:51  Frank Rizzo: “You know?”

0:52 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

0:53  Frank Rizzo: “He’s pretty, he’s pretty good at it. You know?”

0:56 Mining Company Man: “Please send ahhh the fax you mentioned.”

1:02  Frank Rizzo: “You want me to send a guy over?”

1:04 Mining Company Man: “Uh huh.”

1:05  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah that wouldn’t be a problem.”

1:06 Mining Company Man: “Yeah. Uh could you send me ah fa-”

1:09  Frank Rizzo: “I’ll send you whatever you want. What do you want a dozen roses or something?”

1:11 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

1:12  Frank Rizzo: “What are yah lookin for? Anything you want you got it.”

1:15 *weird sound and a popping noise*

1:17  Frank Rizzo: “Oop. Hello? Hello?”

1:19 Mining Company Man: “Hello.”

1:20  Frank Rizzo: “Wh-what happened?”

1:21 Mining Company Man: “What happened?”

1:23  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, you okay?”

1:24 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

1:25  Frank Rizzo: “Ok.”

1:25 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

1:26  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. You feel like flying.”

1:29 Mining Company Man: “Mmmm no ah faster. Ah noo ah… I like to know ahhh your idea.”

1:37  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah my ideas are pretty, ah pretty strange. You ever do warp two?”

1:41 Mining Company Man: “Mhm.”

1:42  Frank Rizzo: “Oh you did? Then this wouldn’t be anything new for you. You know? So what I’m saying is old hat. You’ve already done it.”

1:48 Mining Company Man: “If you have a concrete idea please send me a tele-fax.”

1:54  Frank Rizzo: “Nah I think the Italians got that covered. You know?”

1:57 Mining Company Man: “Hm?”

1:58  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah. That’s not my, yah know gig. You know what I mean?”

2:01 Mining Company Man: “Uh huh.”

2:02  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah well that’s for, that’s for the Italians. They got that all covered up there. You see?”

2:07 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:08  Frank Rizzo: “Like you know, what I’m sayin?”

2:09 Mining Company Man: “Hm.”

2:10  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah, we’ll get together and have some sushi.”

2:12 Mining Company Man: *laughter*

2:13  Frank Rizzo: “Nice right?”

2:14 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:15  Frank Rizzo: “Yeah real nice with the little- finger food there they call it, right?”

2:19 Mining Company Man: “Yeah haha.”

2:20  Frank Rizzo: “So what do you say we mine together? You know we get all sweaty, nice down there in the tunnels.”

2:24 Mining Company Man: “Um hm.”

2:25  Frank Rizzo: “You know we dig out the dilithium and we get all sweaty and we get- we look like tough guys.”

2:30 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:31  Frank Rizzo: “Ehhh? We wear those little helmets, little pair of shorts.”

2:34 Mining Company Man: “Mmmm for the time being.”

2:35  Frank Rizzo: “Ok we will wear them for the time being and then when we get down there and it gets a little cool we’ll throw some heavy slacks on. Alright?”

2:41 Mining Company Man: “Yes.”

2:42  Frank Rizzo: “Alright there, ok nutty. Look I gotta run, I gotta run now but we’ll get together and do some mining, ok.”

2:48 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

2:49  Frank Rizzo: “Ok? I love you buddy see you later.”

2:52 Mining Company Man: “Yeah.”

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