Make Air Not War

The Jerky Tapes (Album 6)

Title: Make Air Not War

Characters:

Summary:

Transcript:

 

0:00 Background noise..

0:02 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:03 Voice 2: “Yep. What’s up?”

0:04 Voice 1: “Is this the [Inaudible 00:05] blasting things?

0:07 Voice 2: “Yeah, that’s right.”

0:08 Voice 1: “What is it actually made of?”

0:10 Voice 2: “Yeah, you wear it on your back.”

0:12 Voice 1: “Oh-ho-ho, really? Umm… how big is it, may I ask?”

0:15 Voice 2: “Uh, the unit’s about… it goes about 70, 80 pounds.”

0:18 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

0:19 Voice 2: “Yeah, you wear it around the thing on your back, you know, like… they look like scuba tanks.”

0:23 Voice 1: “Oh really? And… I mean what I’m tryin’ to say to you is it… do you have… you have like a air pistol or something connected to it?”

0:28 Voice 2: “Yeah, it looks like one of dem damn fire hoses or some shit.”

0:31 Voice 1: “Ah-haah!”

0:32 Voice 2: “Yeah and that [Inaudible 00:33], it comes with different canisters of gas.”

0:35 Voice 1: “Ah-haah! What are you asking for it?”

0:38 Voice 2: “Uh, about…ahh three, four hundred dollars.”

0:41 Voice 1: “Is this on a concept of… umm… somewhat that you charge the thing itself at home or how is it… I mean, using it as far as in… in the concept of a… of war?”

0:51 Voice 2: “Jesus! That’s pretty harsh. I… I don’t think war.”

0:54 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

0:54 Voice 2: “But you know how you got to go through all that shit to get a hand gun.”

0:57 Voice 1: “Right, okay.”

0:58 Voice 2: “Yeah, the hell with that bullshit, right, so I come up with this idea… you… you run around with the blastin’ tanks you know?

1:04 Voice 1: “I kinda like it. I mean it just sounds kind of cool.”

1:07 Voice 2: “You gotta be careful though. I filled the fuckers up with too much one time. I pushed too much air in that fuckin’ thing and it blew up on my back.”

1:13 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

1:14 Voice 2: “Yeah, I was like, “Oh, oh-haah, owhh.”

1:17 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

1:17 Voice 2: “Oh, I was lyin’ in the fuckin’ street. Nobody helped me out.”

1:21 Voice 1: “Ah-haah!”

1:22 Voice 2: “Fuckin’ thing blew up my back. I was outta wind.”

1:25 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

1:25 Voice 2: “Yeah, I was… I… it made me so fuckin’ embarrassed, you know?”

1:29 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:29 Voice 2: “It blew the fuckin’ clothes off me in shreds.”

1:32 Voice 1: “Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh.”

1:33 Voice 2: “So what I did, I crawled underneath the [Inaudible 01:34]. I felt so goddamn embarrassed.”

1:37 Voice 1: “Well, yes. I’d like to see one, but you don’t know what you’re going to… umm…”

1:40 Voice 2: “Come over to the shop and I’ll show you de fuckin’ thing.”

1:42 Voice 1: “Sure!”

1:44 Voice 2: “Yeah, you put on the protective glasses, goggles…”

1:46 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:47 Voice 2: “Then you put the fuckin’ things on. I’ll blow de air at you. Got different canisters I put in it. I have blue canister…”

1:54 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:55 Voice 2: “And that blows out like a sweet gas, you know?”

1:57 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

1:58 Voice 2: “So it kinda disarms any approachin’ [Inaudible 02:00] or somethin’. They smell sweet gas and they feel all nice I guess, you know.”

2:04 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

2:05 Voice 2: “I tested it out on my fuckin’ dawg. I tell ya the shit works.”

2:08 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

2:09 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

2:09 Voice 1: “Uhh.”

2:10 Voice 2: “I blew the fuckin’ tank off. I gave him a blast and the fuckin’ dawg was all happy.”

2:14 Voice 1: “Oh, really, really, really…”

2:16 Voice 2: “You know, I tease him at first.”

2:17 Voice 1: “You what?”

2:18 Voice 2: “I gotta get him mad, right? I had to get that dawg mad. I poked him with a stick. I [Inaudible 02:23] out of him and fuckin’ next thing he’s [Inaudible 02:25] growling.”

2:26 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

2:27 Voice 2: “And then I poke him. I… I hit him with a ball from the fuckin’ gun and he’s all happy rolling by the couch.”

2:33 Voice 1: “Oh, really.”

2:33 Voice 2: “Yeah, he went on his backside and [Inaudible 02:35] me over and showin’ me his neck. They say that’s submissive.”

2:39 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

2:40 Voice 2: “Yeah, he was showin’ me his balls too. You know, you come on over. We’ll blow the fuckin’ hair off the dawg.”

2:45 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. No, I don’t want to hurt your dog man. I just want to… I want just to see. I don’t want to go there and you blow the head off my ass.”

2:50 Voice 2: “Naw, I won’t do dat.”

2:51 Voice 1: “Yeah… see, you think… right now, you’re fuckin’ with the dog. Right now… who the hell… till I get to you, like I want to try a human.”

2:57 Voice 2: “No, you know what I could do. I’ll put the sweet gas in the fuckin’ thing and I’ll try to [Inaudible 03:00] you up. Maybe I’ll get a piece off you.”

3:02 Voice 1: “Naw, I don’t want nothin’ like that. Unh-uh, unh-uh. Listen, my [Inaudible 03:04].”

3:06 Voice 2: “Oh, I got you.”

3:07 Voice 1: “Alright, so I’m not tryin’ uhh…”

3:10 Voice 2: “I got you.”

3:11 Voice 1: “Okay.”

3:11 Voice 2: “My… you know, funny enough, my ass kind of looks like the fuckin’ Lincoln Tunnel.

3:15 Voice 1: “Oh!”

3:15 Voice 2: “I’ll tell you what then. We both go on the fuckin’ dawg. He ain’t got no choice.”

3:18 Voice 1: “Hey listen… [Inaudible 03:18] listen. I am not here today…”

3:21 Voice 2: “What? You’re sayin’ you don’t like my dawg?”

3:22 Voice 1: “Well, I’d like to say I don’t like your dog. I don’t like any dog. I mean, I’m quite sure your dog is cute and probably has hairy balls or whatever, but that’s not my [Inaudible 03:29].”

3:29 Voice 2: “But… aw, come on you fuck!”

3:31 Voice 1: “Hey listen, what are you asking for if you’re going to sell it?”

3:33: Voice 2: “Well, I’d probably go about five grand.”

3:35 Voice 1: “You want five grand.”

3:36 Voice 2: “Why not?”

3:38 Voice 1: “First you say there’s stuff under hundred.”

3:40 Voice 2: “What?”

3:41 Voice 1: “You have it listed here in stuff under a hundred.”

3:43 Voice 2: “Yeah, well that must have been a typo or some shit.”

3:46 Voice 1: “Okay.”

3:47 Voice 2: “Plus insurance and all that. You know this blows up on somebody’s fuckin’ ass, they’re gonna look to hang me.”

3:51 Voice 1: “Uh-huh.”

3:52 Voice 2: “I need some cash, so I can get out of the country, you know?”

3:53 Voice 1: “Uh-huh. Oh! So I can… my shit fucked up and you can go as, Okay, well I’m out.”

3:58  Voice 2: “Yeah, but you could look at it this way. You take it out on the old [Inaudible 04:00]. You block the fuckin’ shorts and shit.”

4:03 Voice 1: “Laughs… “Yeah, block up my ass with it. You are too much.”

4:06 Voice 2: “Yeah. The fuckin’ neighbors, they fire shit outta the window down on to my shack.”

4:10 Voice 1: “Yeah… yeah, you’re comical. You know that?”

4:11 Voice 2: “You are…”

4:12 Voice 1: “You’re a riot.”

4:13 Voice 2: “Hello!”

4:14 Voice 1: “Hello.”

4:15 Voice 2: “Yeah, hello.”

4:15 Voice 1: “No, I…”

4:16 Voice 2: “Hi! Hello.”

4:16 Voice 1: “You know, I thought you hung up after me there.”  

4:18 Voice 2: “No, I didn’t hang up on you. I made one out of an old fuckin’ toolbox.”

4:22 Voice 1: “Oh, really?”

4:22 Voice 2: “Yeah, the fuckin’ thing [Inaudible 04:23] it blows the shit outta anything.”

4:25 Voice 1: “Oh, I see. Uhmm… what about sometime during the weekend?”

4:30 Voice 2: “Yeah, you bang on the fuckin’ door.”

4:31 Voice 1: “Okay.”

4:32 Voice 2: “We’ll shoot this fuckin’ blaster off with my dawg. I’ll get a kick out of it.”

4:35 Voice 1: “Alright. Umm… just call you when I’m ready to come down?”

4:38 Voice 2: “Yeah, give me a buzz. We’ll go look at this fuckin’ gun.”

4:40 Voice 1: “Okay.”

4:40 Voice 2: “Alright buddy.”

4:41 Voice 1: “Thank you.”

4:41 Voice 2: “Alright.”

4:42 Voice 1: “Bye-bye.”

4:43 Voice 2: “Hello.”

4:44: Voice 1: “Hello.”

4: 44 Voice 2: “Okay, right.”

4:45 Voice 1: “Bye.”

4:46 Voice 2: “Bye.”

Sponsored

hundred dollar suits