Food & Drug Complaint – Sol Rosenberg

The Jerky Boys, Album 4

Title: Food & Drug Complaint

Characters: Sol Rosenberg, Secretary

Summary:

In this comedic skit, Sol Rosenberg calls the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) with a bizarre request. Sol, assuming the FDA has control over various aspects of public life, asks the FDA to take Howard Stern’s radio show off the air. The FDA representative patiently explains that the FDA is responsible for regulating food, drugs, cosmetics, and blood, but not radio broadcasts.

The caller persists, describing alleged abusive behavior by Howard Stern, claiming he has been physically harmed during fishing outings with Stern. The FDA representative repeatedly tries to redirect Sol to the appropriate authority, the radio station, emphasizing the FDA’s lack of jurisdiction over radio content.

Sol Rosenberg continues to share bizarre and exaggerated stories of personal conflicts with Stern, the FDA representative remains steadfast in asserting the agency’s inability to address the situation. Sol accuses the representative of being hurtful and unhelpful, expressing frustration at the perceived lack of action.

Despite the absurdity of the request, the skit cleverly satirizes misunderstandings about the roles and responsibilities of government agencies. The juxtaposition of serious government work with the absurd complaint about a radio show creates humor through Sol’s persistent confusion and the FDA representative’s futile attempts to explain their limited scope. The skit culminates in Sol Rosenberg expressing emotional distress, adding a touch of exaggerated drama to the humorous exchange.

Transcript:

0:01 Phone rings…

0:04 Voice 1: “Director’s office.”

0:05 Sol Rosenberg: “Hello?”

0:06 Voice 1: “Yes.”

0:07 Sol Rosenberg: “Hi. Hi?”

0:09 Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:10 Sol Rosenberg: “Yes. I was wondering if you could pull Howard Stern’s show off the air please.”

0:16 Voice 1: “This is the Food and Drug Administration.”

0:18 Sol Rosenberg: “Well, that’s what I always heard that you can control things.”

0:22 Voice 1: “Well not when it comes to radio. We can control food and drugs and cosmetics and blood. But the FDA has nothing to do – you’d have to call…”

0:33 Sol Rosenberg: “Well, Howard he says bad awful things on the airwaves.”

0:37 Voice 1: “Yes, he does.”

0:38 Sol Rosenberg: “And he says them about me and my family and I find it very abusive.”

0:42 Voice 1: “You have to call the radio.”

0:44 Sol Rosenberg: “Sir? Sir? Please help me with this.”

0:47 Voice 1: “I have no control. This is the Food and Drug Administration.”

0:51 Sol Rosenberg: “He said he was goin’ to go fishing with me and he whipped me with the rods. And that he hurt in more awful ways. He stuffed a handful of worms in my face and he made me eat worms. And he beat me so unmerciful with the rod. I had stitches about my face. And I think he should be pulled from the air.”

1:12 Voice 1: “Well, you should call the station.”

1:14 Sol Rosenberg: “I have done that. And we’ve had several outings. And it always winds up in a bad festering argument. And Howard and I rolled down the hill, winding up pullin’ each other’s hair out and slappin’ each other silly. And…”

1:28 Voice 1: “I have no control. This is the Food and Drug Administration.”

1:32 Sol Rosenberg: “Ma’am, you’re not being helpful, ma’am.”

1:34 Voice 1: “We can’t do anything about it. This is…”

1:36 Sol Rosenberg: “Well, it says…”

1:37 Voice 1: “Call the radio station.”

1:38 Sol Rosenberg: “Well, what’s wrong with you? Can’t you help me with this hurtfulness?”

1:42 Voice 1: “Well, this is the Food and Drug Administration. I can’t help you with that.”

1:46 Sol Rosenberg: “But why?”

1:47 Voice 1: “Because he belongs to the radio.”

1:49 Sol Rosenberg: “It’s the same basic principle. What…?”

1:51 Voice 1: “Not at all.”

1:53 Sol Rosenberg: “Why not, ma’am?”

1:54 Voice 1: “Because we handle food and drugs and cosmetics.”

1:57 Sol Rosenberg: “Well, I’m sure you could swing a little bit more there and handle radio as well.”

2:01 Voice 1: “No. Food and Drugs does not do that. OK. They’re not allowed to touch anything about the radio.”

2:07 Sol Rosenberg: “So are you saying this man can get away with anything he basically wants?”

2:09 Voice 1: “No, he shouldn’t.”

2:11 Sol Rosenberg: “He beats Robin and all the other workers over there. And he can just get away with those things?”

2:16 Voice 1: “No.”

2:17 Sol Rosenberg: “He is a bad awful man.”

2:18 Voice 1: “Tell the station.”

2:20 Sol Rosenberg: “You’re being very, very hurtful at me, ma’am.”

2:22 Voice 1: “I can’t do anything, ma’am. You have to call the…”

2:25 Sol Rosenberg: “But you’re hurting my feelings.”

2:27 Voice 1: “I am only a secretary here. I cannot do anything about…”

2:30 Sol Rosenberg: “But you see how evil and vicious you are being towards me.”

2:34 Voice 1: “I can’t do anything about it.”

2:35 Woman cries.