Paradise

The Jerky Boys, album 3

Title: Paradise

Characters: Jack Tors

Summary

Transcript:

0:01 Voice 1: “Good afternoon. Paradise?”

0:03 Voice 2: “Hi. Is the fat muffin man there?”

0:06 Voice 1: “Excuse me?”

0:07 Voice 2: “Yes. Fat muffin man. Is he in?”

0:09 Voice 1: “Fat muffin man?”

0:11 Voice 2: “Yeah.”

0:12 Voice 1: “Well, hopefully, that’s not me. I’m the biggest one here.”

0:15 Voice 2: “Well…”

0:15 Voice 1: “Do you need muffins? Is this for a take-out?”

0:17 Voice 2: “Actually, yes. What sort of muffins? Do you have blueberry?”

0:19 Voice 1: “I have blueberry muffins, cranberry muffins, every kind of muffin.”

0:22 Voice 2: “Oh, no, no, no. Please, I don’t want cranberry. The blueberry now, are they still nice and all jammed up with that blueberry?”

0:29 Voice 1: “There’s tons of blueberries, sir. Would you like some?”

0:32 Voice 2: “Yes. How many grams of fat do you think are in one of these muffins?”

0:36 Voice 1: “I’m not sure, sir.”

0:37 Voice 2: “How is he anyway?”
0:37 Voice 1: “It’s just a muffin, sir.”

0:39 Voice 2: “How is he anyway?”

0:41 Voice 1: “Excuse me?”

0:42 Voice 2: “How is that big muffin ass bastard? How is he doin’ good?”

0:44 Voice 1: “Oh. OK.”

0:47 Voice 2: “He’s a good friend.”

0:47 Voice 1: “Would you like a delivery, sir?”

0:49 Voice 2: “I’d like to come in and see my friend. You know, he’s a good buddy of mine.”

0:53 Voice 1: “Well, would you like our address, sir?”

0:55 Voice 2: “I would like…”

0:55 Voice 1: “And you could come in here? It’s 4-44 West 43rd Street.”

0:59 Voice 2: “What the fuck kind of comment is that? I didn’t say anything to deserve that. Sir?”

1:04 Voice 1: “Hey, hey.”

1:05 Voice 2: “No, no. That’s…”

1:05 Voice 1: “OK. If you are going to be rude to – I don’t know if you want to take it up to the manager, you can. I don’t understand.”

1:07 Voice 2: “Well, no, no. I mean that’s – no – listen to me. I’m only askin’ about muffins and you’re started to shout at me and yell about numbers. I wasn’t lookin’ for anything along those lines.”

1:19 Voice 1: “OK. Well, we can…”

1:21 Voice 2: “Please, hello? Bing-bong.” [Whistles] “Goodbye, sir.”

1:25 Voice 1: “Right.”