Sols Warts

The Jerky Boys, album 2

Title: Sol’s Warts

Characters: Sol Rosenberg



0:01 Voice 1: (Inaudible 00:01).

0:02 Sol Rosenberg: Hello.

0:03 Voice 1: Yes.

0:04 Sol Rosenberg: Yes. I’d like to speak to somebody about warts.

0:05 Voice 1: Go ahead.

0:07 Sol Rosenberg: Right. I have warts all over my ass and genitalia. And I wanna have them removed. I got warts in my – everywhere. They’re awful. They’re silly-looking.

0:08 Voice 1: Uh-huh.

0:09 Sol Rosenberg: Thank you. Can we have these taken out?

0:10 Voice 1: You have to make an appointment.

0:13 Sol Rosenberg: How does he do this now? How does he go about this?

0:15 Voice 1: He cuts ’em off.

0:16 Sol Rosenberg: He cuts them out. I mean ‘coz they’re in there pretty deep. Will he use a shoe to go in there like boot me in the ass or something? Hello?

0:17 Voice 1: Yes.

0:18 Sol Rosenberg: Could you please tell me how he does it?

0:18 Voice 1: He cuts them off. He uses a knife and cuts them off.

0:19 Sol Rosenberg: Oh, my God. Is he – what is he? Is he slick with that knife and hit me somewhere else?

0:21 Voice 1: No.

0:23 Sol Rosenberg: Oh, boy. He sounds very scary to me. Don’t they burn them out using hot pokers or something like that? Don’t they burn them away?

0:24 Voice 1: Sometimes, yeah.

0:28 Sol Rosenberg: Oh, so he wouldn’t burn them in my ass because probably seal me up for good, right?

0:29 Voice 1: I guess so.

0:38 Sol Rosenberg: I can’t have that. So is he there? Let me speak to him.

0:39 Voice 1: He is with a patient right now.

0:44 Sol Rosenberg: Oh, God. Is he burning him up?

0:45 Voice 1: Do you want me to have him for you?

0:46 Sol Rosenberg: Make him call me right away. My ass is like all – it’s like all knobby with all these warts. I got warts all over in my ass.

0:47 Voice 1: What’s your name?

0:49 Sol Rosenberg: I always rub them and they would never fall off.

0:50 Voice 1: What’s your name?

0:53 Sol Rosenberg: My name is Sol Rosenberg. Hello?

0:54 Voice 1: Hold on.

0:58 Sol Rosenberg: Please. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

1:01 Voice 1: What’s your number? What’s your telephone number?

1:06 Sol Rosenberg: Oh. It’s 212 – (beep) – 4590. Please.

1:07 Voice 1: What?

1:13 Sol Rosenberg: 4590. Thank you. Oh.


hundred dollar suits