Car Salesman

The Jerky Boys, album 1

Title: Car Salesman

Characters: Paul Rizzo



0:00     Phone rings..
0:01     Voice 1: “Hello.”

0:02     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, where’s Paul?”

0:04     Voice 1: “Who’s… who’s calling?”

0:05     Paul Rizzo: “I’m calling about the job, salesperson.”

0:07     Voice 1: “[Inaudible 00:07].”

0:10     Paul: “Hello.”

0:11     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, Paul?”

0:12     Paul: “Speaking.”

0:12     Paul Rizzo: “What do you need me to sell babe?”

0:14     Paul: “Excuse me.”

0:14     Paul Rizzo: “What do you need me to sell? I’m calling about the salesperson job?”

0:17     Paul: “What do I need you to sell?”

0:18     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah. Sell cars? What’s the story here?”

0:21     Paul: “You sell cars?”

0:21     Paul Rizzo: “You got it.”

0:22     Paul: “Where do you sell ’em?”

0:23     Paul Rizzo: “I sell them up in Middletown, Upstate New York. I had a little problem over there though. That’s somethin’ I don’t want to talk about.”

0:29     Paul: “Middletown?”

0:29     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:30     Paul: “Okay. What’s your name?”

0:32     Paul Rizzo: “Paul, Paul Rizzo.”

0:34     Paul: “Paul what?”

0:34     Paul Rizzo: “Paul Rizzo.”

0:35     Paul: “Rizzo?”

0:35     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah.”

0:36     Paul: “Where do you live?”

0:37     Paul Rizzo: “I live upstate.”

0:39     Paul: “Okay. That’s a long way from…”

0:42     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah. Well, you know, for some people maybe.”

0:44     Paul: “Okay.”

0:45     Paul Rizzo: “Let’s talk about sellin’ cars Paul.”

0:47     Paul: “Okay.”

0:48     Paul Rizzo: “What do you… I could sell… whatever you need sold, I’ll sell. You could bring in a tank, I’ll sell the fuckin’ thing.”

0:54     Paul: “Yeah, how far away do you live though?”

0:56     Paul Rizzo: “About 60 miles.”

0:58     Paul: “Sixty miles.”

0:58     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I’m there early every day.”

1:01     Paul: “I am wor… I am worried about mileage on the car.”

1:03     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll use my own car Paul.”

1:04     Paul: “Okay.”

1:05     Paul Rizzo: “I drive it silly, silly.”

1;08     Paul: “And why do you want to drive 60 miles to go to work?”

1:09     Paul Rizzo: “Hey. That’s my business. Are you… you want to sell cars through me or what? See, I had problems up there in Middletown. I gotta get the hell out of that area. I grabbed some guy. He’s a, you know, like he don’t know if he wants to buy. I… I push his face right in the fuckin’ hood, you know…. tell, “You buy this fuckin’ car or I’ll break your fuckin’ head.” I had problems over there Paul.” ’

1:30     Paul: “Well, it sounds like [Inaudible 01:31] problems anywhere.”

1:32     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh!

1:33     Paul: Laughter.

1:34     Paul Rizzo: “You know, so at times these fuckers they gotta buy. I need… you know I need dough like anyone. So what do you think? We got somethin’ goin’ here or what?’

1:40     Paul: “I don’t know. I don’t want that kind of operation.”

1:42     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh, you see. Here we’re off to a bad start, you know.”

1:46     Paul: “But I don’t want that kind of operation.”

1:48     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh! We’ll see. Well, I could tone it down a bit you know, maybe choke a few people here and there. That’s about it.”

1:53     Paul: Laughter.

1:54     Paul Rizzo: “Hey, it works. You think it’s funny? It works. I sell.”

1:56     Paul: “Yeah, but I don’t run that kind of operation.”

1:58     Paul Rizzo: “Yeah, I’m silly. I’m tellin’ you. I’m silly.”

2:01     Paul: “Yeah. I don’t run that kind of operation.”

2:02     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh!”

2:03     Paul: “In fact salesmen don’t even quote prices here.”

2:05     Paul Rizzo: “Ahh, let me try somewhere else then, okay.”

2:06     Paul: “Alrighty.”

2:07     Paul Rizzo: “Alright. See you then later nitz.”

2:08     Paul: “Okay.”

2:09     Paul Rizzo: “Right.”


hundred dollar suits